Hank, Pommerdoodle, and Soupy

(This post is a part of a series entitled “Kate’s Favorite Sabre Competition” in which I am choosing my 2007/08 favorite Sabre by process of elimination. Each and every Sabre is a hero, but in the end, there can be only one favorite.)

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It is with heavy heart that I present the fifth round of cuts. Every remaining Sabre is a winner in my book, but in order to choose my ultimate favorite, good men must be sacrificed along the way.

Henrik Tallinder #10

Heather, please look away.

Hank “the charges were dropped” Tallinder is a genuine dish. He’s tall, blond, and delightfully dreamy. There is something very graceful and swoopy about his on-ice presence, and Hank is one of the few Sabres I can recognize just by his skating style. Many people in Buffalo consider him our most valuable defenseman, and while I have nothing to contribute to that conversation, I am very pleased that Hank is on our roster for the next three years. He also seems like a very sweet guy. In the one interview I’ve seen, he talked very genuinely about wanting to spend the summer playing with his boys. Aww, cute.

So let’s review:

-Good defenseman
-compelling skater
-handsome
-sweet-natured family man
-no longer involved in a Swedish sex scandal

Even though you’re not my favorite Sabre, I wish you well, Hank. Just be good to Heather, and for the love of Lindy Ruff, stay out of trouble!

Jason Pominville #29

Here’s the thing about Jason Pominville: He’s a total dog.

He’s a labradoodle puppy, to be precise.

After Schnookie and Pookie pointed out Pominville’s likeness to a labradoodle, it was all over for Jason Pominville “the man”. I have no interest in the reality of Jason Pominville. No, to me, Pommerdoodle is just a big, dopey, eager-to-please dog. If I ever met Jason, it would take every ounce of my concentration not to reach up and scratch him behind the ears.

So intense is my affection for Pommers, that for a few minutes I seriously considered making him my Favorite Sabre. Sadly, due to his popularity amongst teeny-boppers, no self respecting 32-year-old woman can wear a Jason Pominville jersey. It’s just not done. Pommerdoodle may be adorable, but he’s not “Kate’s Favorite Sabre” material.

(I hear he’s a pretty good hockey player and that we should be anxious to see how he reacts to a new, Briere-free line next season. Whatevs. As long his center rewards him with lots of puppy chews, I’m sure Pommerdoodle will do just fine.)

Brian Campbell #51

Soupy!

Say what you want about his hap-hazard defensive style, but Soupy’s got a compelling personality. If there is one thing I like in a man, it’s a willingness to laugh at any old dumb thing, and Brian Campbell has this quality in spades. As a person who also technically makes her living “playing” I appreciate Soupy’s boyish enthusiasm. It’s cute and endearing. On the other hand, sometimes when I am hanging out with a someone who’s constantly joking around, I can get frustrated. Before too long, I can feel my blood pressure rising and meanwhile he doesn’t realize that this time I’m serious, I want him to stop being such a clown, just for one second. But he just keeps teasing or joking or whatever the hell he’s doing, until finally I lose my shit and scream, “Get back in your own fucking defensive zone and stop SPINNING AROUND like that!” (I have to admit, I have no idea what I am talking about with Soupy. I’m just parroting things I’ve read on other hockey blogs. I just have this feeling about him….I suspect he is about to drive me batty with love and rage. I mean, just look at him there. Don’t you simultaneously want to make out with him and punch him in the face? I sure do. )

Clearly my relationship with Soupy is far too complicated for him to be my Favorite Sabre this year.

——–

Well, that does it for another round of cuts. I would like to take this opportunity to remind all of my readers that I am new to hockey and that this blog is more a reflection of my newness than it is of my general mental instability. I’m bored, and I don’t have the hockey smarts to talk about hockey without ACTUAL HOCKEY. I need the season to begin before I permanently establish myself as an irredeemable weirdo. (Too late?)

10 Responses to “Hank, Pommerdoodle, and Soupy”


  1. 1 Heather B. August 26, 2007 at 8:27 am

    I’d cut Pommerdoodle in a second – sorry, Jason – but those other two… ouch. You just cut two of my favorites! Still, this is Kate’s Favorite Sabre and not Heather’s Favorite Sabre so I can respect your choices. (Plus now I don’t have to share!) I’m so excited. When I get back from vacation it’s possible KFS will have been selected!

  2. 2 Katebits August 26, 2007 at 12:32 pm

    I knew this round would be unpleasant for you, Heather! Thank you for being cool about it….I a little worried about a few upcoming cuts and the, um, public outcry that may result.

  3. 3 Schnookie August 26, 2007 at 2:05 pm

    These are good cuts, Katebits, and you are not a weirdo. Pommerdoodle, I’d say, still has the potential to be a Favorite Sabre, but that’s a lot of years off; I look to Brian Rolston to find hope for Pommers. He was once the uncontested champion of teeny-bops, but now that he’s in his 30’s and playing well for the Wild, he’s a totally respectable player to like. And he kills hobos.

    Okay, Heather — look away. I whole-heartedly applaud this cut of Soupy. He is ostensibly the top d-man on this team, yet he can’t play defense. There is a big, big problem there. And I agree that he seems like he wouldn’t ever take anything seriously… no, he simply won’t do.

    Hey, you know who would take things seriously? In fact, he’d take everything seriously. Yeah, you know. Crunchy. You’re not planning to cut CRUNCHY, are you?

  4. 4 Pookie August 26, 2007 at 2:20 pm

    Good cuts, Katebits! Hey, you know who manages to be both just as zany as Soupy, but also as businesslike as Crunchy? That’s right, Staffy!

  5. 5 Gambler August 26, 2007 at 5:40 pm

    Whoa, I can’t believe I’ve spent the past few months of my life using “Pommerdoodle,” and yet I never once bothered to actually see what a labradoodle puppy looks like. Perfect! And hilarious! (Oh, and thanks for helping the lazy man out.)

    I, too, support these cuts. Although I love all three of these guys, I could tell they just weren’t going to make it all they way to KFSville.

    Schnookie, thanks to you Ookies, I don’t think Pominville will ever be a Rolston. Even if he out-grows his teeny-bopper status, he’ll still be a labradoodle puppy. At least to me.

  6. 6 Pookie August 26, 2007 at 6:56 pm

    Gambler, thanks to the fact that we named a particularly stupid and idiosyncratic cat after Rolston, I’m not sure Brian Rolston will ever be a Rolston for me. Even though he’s a fantastic player who’s really grown into his role in MN, he’ll always be a guy who dunks his entire paw elbow deep into his water bowl before drinking.

  7. 7 ccomfort August 27, 2007 at 8:31 am

    me and my daughter think “hank” looks like Murray from the wiggles. I know its like from out of nowhere, but i had to add my 2cents…

  8. 8 Glenn August 27, 2007 at 8:56 am

    Oh dearest Katebits, why hast thou foresaken me? I’m home! I’ve called! we must get together to plan for the upcoming onslaught…

  9. 9 andrew August 27, 2007 at 12:49 pm

    Holy shit Kate, that was hilarious!

    “Get back in your own fucking defensive zone and stop SPINNING AROUND like that!”

    “-no longer involved in a Swedish sex scandal”

    Genius.

  10. 10 Katebits August 28, 2007 at 10:20 pm

    Andrew, I just wandered into my spam filter for the first time ever, and found this awesome comment. Thank you kind sir!


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