Crunchy

(This post is a part of a series entitled “Kate’s Favorite Sabre Competition” in which I am choosing my 2007/08 favorite Sabre by process of elimination. Each and every Sabre is a hero, but in the end, there can be only one favorite.)

********

Alright guy, this is the last cut before the big reveal!

Ryan Miller #30

Katebits: Thank you for agreeing to this interview, Ryan.

Ryan Miller: It’s my pleasure, Katebits. Thanks for having me.

KB: I imagine you are gearing up for the season now. Did you have a relaxing summer?

RM: I did and I didn’t. The early summer is a time to unwind and to relax, but after a few weeks you have to get right back into training. The summer can’t just be about hanging out and having fun, you also have to work hard so you’re ready to go when training camp starts.

KB: So, what do you do in East Lansing to relax?

RM: Well, I love nature photography, so I spend a lot of time taking pictures. I just want to be the best photographer I can be. I also have a band. We just play for fun, it’s nothing serious, but I think it’s a really great way to be creative. I am a very creative person. I need outlets for self expression.

KB: You are also involved with fashion, aren’t you?

RM: Yes. A few years ago a buddy and I got together to start a high end clothing boutique in East Lansing. Someday we’d like to expand into all of the Big Ten cities. It’s called Ryan Miller’s Big Ten House of Awesome Fashion. Everyone feels better when they look good. I’m just trying to do my part to help others look their best.

KB: In preparation for this interview, I actually went to Ryan Miller’s Big Ten House of Awesome Fashion. It was pretty cool.

RM: I feel it’s important to stay current with fashion.

Katebits: Well, some people are better than others at staying current. I’ve pretty much given up! (laughing) It’s those skinny jeans! I hate them.

RM: Why?

Katebits: Well, I just don’t look good in skinny jeans.

RM: Skinny people look good in skinny jeans.

(long)

(awkward)

(silence)

KB: So, your brother won the Stanley Cup this year. How was it having the Cup in East Lansing?

RM: Well, obviously I am very proud of Drew. It was exciting to see the Cup, and it was a powerful motivator to start the season in the right frame of mind. We all have the same goal, winning the Stanley Cup. I just want to be focused on the goal. Right now, I’m at a stage in my life where I can focus one hundred percent on my goaltending and I intend to take advantage of this time.

KB: Does that mean you don’t have a girlfriend? I’m sure there are lots of women in Buffalo who are curious!

RM: (glaring) I just want to be the best professional goaltender I can be.

KB: Um, okay. (pause as Katebits nervously shuffles through her interview index cards) Um, how is your approach to this season different than last season?

RM: Well, last year we were the favorites. This year, a lot of people have been counting us out. I am eager to step up into a leadership role, and I look forward to proving our doubters wrong.

KB: A lot of people say you will be the unofficial captain of the Sabres this year. What’s your response to that?

RM: Well, goalies can’t be captains.

KB: Do you think that’s fair? If the goalie is the most qualified player for the job, shouldn’t he be the captain?

RM: (gritting teeth) I am sure that whoever Lindy chooses will be an excellent captain.

KB: (eying Ryan Miller meaningfully) Yes, but the “C” is an important letter.

RM: (stroking chest) I agree, the “C” is extremely important.

KB: (slowly) Who do you think….will be wearing the “C” this season?

RM: (glancing nervously around before looking Katebits straight in the eye) I believe the “C” is already in place.

KB: (eying Ryan Miller’s chest as he strokes it slowly) Who….is wearing the “C”?

(eyes locked)

RM: Is this off the record?

KB: (immediately shuts off tape recorder) Absolutly.

(Ryan Miller stands up and removes his plaid jacket and his polka-dot hoodie, revealing an undershirt with a “C” sew onto the chest.)

KB: (gasping) You’ve got the “C”?

RM: It’s a Secret “C”, but yes, I’ve got it. My mom sewed it on for me.

KB: (breathlessly) Awesome. Totally awesome.

RM: I know.

KB: So, is Lindy going to assign an official captain?

RM: Well, he might have to. For appearance. But I’m the Secret Captain.

KB: That’s. So. Rad.

RM: I know.

KB: (with awe) Listen, I’m a huge fan. I hope you have a great season.

RM: (intensely) Thanks. I will. I will have a great season.

KB: (quietly, almost whispering) Let’s go Buffalo.

RM: (nodding slowly) Fuck yeah.

(fist bump)

END SCENE

————

Stay tuned Dear Readers! Tomorrow (or possibly Sunday or Monday) is the big day! I’m just going to pretend that you can’t deduce who my Favorite Sabre will be on your own. I was going to post the winning Sabre’s profile along with this one, but I decided that Ryan Miller deserved his very own entry. I don’t want you to be distracted from Crunchy’s awesomeness. (And frankly, this post took me much longer to write than I had intended. I’m tired.) If you are a super genuis and you somehow figure out who will be KFS, don’t tell! Let’s save the surprise for all the dullards!

25 Responses to “Crunchy”


  1. 1 Becky September 1, 2007 at 6:52 am

    Yes!!!

    (pump fist, do swan dive)

  2. 2 Pookie September 1, 2007 at 11:27 am

    Clap.

    Clap.

    Clap.

    Clap clap.

    Clap clap clap.

    Clapclapclapclapclapclapclap…

    This slow-clap brought to you by Drew Stafford.

  3. 4 Schnookie September 1, 2007 at 11:28 am

    *Pointed, stony silence*

  4. 5 Pookie September 1, 2007 at 11:28 am

    Okay, now that Staffy went away I can post under my own name. Great post, Katebits! I agree that Crunchy can’t be KFS, Secret C or no. Uh-oh, Staffy’s coming back… gotta go…

  5. 8 Schnookie September 1, 2007 at 11:29 am

    *Through gritted, death-glaring teeth* That’s okay. I didn’t want to share him with you anyway.

  6. 9 Schnookie September 1, 2007 at 11:31 am

    *Still glaring deathfully* I hope you’re happy with your new, official Favorite Loser — er, Sabre. You might think you can just toss him aside in favor of some guy you’ve publicly humiliated and cut, but don’t think for even a second that Crunchy will have you back now.

  7. 10 Schnookie September 1, 2007 at 11:31 am

    *Keeping on with the glare. Of death*

  8. 12 Schnookie September 1, 2007 at 11:32 am

    *Yup. Still here. Glaring. A glare that drips with death*

  9. 13 Katebits September 1, 2007 at 11:37 am

    Listen guys, I tried to let Crunchy go as lovingly as possible! I didn’t even really cut him!

  10. 15 Schnookie September 1, 2007 at 11:38 am

    *Can’t. Stop. Glaring*

  11. 16 Meg September 1, 2007 at 11:48 am

    Er…I approve of the cut. And the final choice.

  12. 18 Schnookie September 1, 2007 at 2:13 pm

    *Haven’t stopped glaring*

  13. 19 Amy September 1, 2007 at 2:18 pm

    Great interview, Kate. You’re really strived to be the best possible viola-player-turned-journalist you could be.

    I think I figured out who the final choice is, but with my luck, I just overlooked his cut and will be completely wrong.

  14. 20 Amy September 1, 2007 at 2:19 pm

    And that should be “you really strived” not you’re. I got distracted by all the glaring going on in here.

  15. 22 Katebits September 1, 2007 at 4:15 pm

    Hee. I think the death glare might lose a bit of its potency when it travels through the interwebs, Schnookie! I’m, like, totally NOT scared!

  16. 23 Heather B. September 1, 2007 at 4:16 pm

    Kate, I agree with this “cut” whole-heartedly. I love Crunchy. His crankiness etc. has grown on me to the point where I find it to be rather endearing. But My Favorite Sabre has to have a little cuddliness and Crunchy just isn’t cutting it in that regard.

    I have to tell you, I got to your final four yesterday – my only internet access of the week – and I spent all of the drive home today trying to figure out who was left besides Crunchy. (I did figure it out eventually.)

  17. 24 Katebits September 1, 2007 at 4:19 pm

    I’ve been very quiet about the winning KFS so as not to arouse suspicion. :D

    Now, I’m sure you guys are all, “Her?”

  18. 25 Patty September 3, 2007 at 12:50 am

    Schnookie seems upset.


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