The Girlfriends

Nearly everyday I get hits from people searching for things like, “Jason Pominville girlfriend,” and “Derek Roy girlfriend”. I feel badly that my website is such a poor source of information for these internet sleuths. Clearly, there is a need for information about the wives and girlfriends of hockey players, and clearly my site is not providing my readership with the information they so desperately seek. In an effort to keep my readers informed, the TWC interns have been furiously researching this exciting topic.

If you have ever wondered, “Just who are the Sabres dating?”, your wait is over. TWC has the answers.

Of all of the girlfriends, Derek Roy’s was the easiest to track down. We caught up with her in the classroom in Williamsville where she teaches scrapbooking. Her name is Barbie, and she and Derek have been together for two years. They met at Soho on a magical night in 2005. “I’d had a few drinks!” admits Barbie, “But we didn’t hook up that night, I swear! ” Barbie says that she and Derek have plans to be married in the Spring of 2011, just as soon as Derek picks out the engagement ring. When asked to comment, Derek said, “Barbie? Yeah, she’s fun.”

Math is HARD!

Ales Kotalik has been dating Princess Beatrice of Brattenburg since 1824. Their courtship has been interrupted several times by persistent rumors that the two families are plagued by hemophilia and that a match between them would lead to certain sickliness in the royal line. “We feel that any damage done to royal European lineage would certainly be offset by the degree to which our union would further the cause of world peace,” Princess Beatrice told TWC through a spokesman.

Ales and Beatrice just want to be together.

Jason Pominville’s live-in girlfriend is the three-year-old (that’s twenty-one in dog years) chew toy, Squeakers. Squeakers was a gift from teammate Ryan Miller after Jason’s 2006 shorthanded playoff goal ended the series against Ottawa. Squeakers and Pommerdoodle enjoy hide-and-seek, rough housing, and napping in the sun.

Hands off, guys! She only squeaks for Pommers!

Ryan Miller has been dating a cactus named Josie since late April. “After the playoffs were over I realized that life can’t be all about hockey, you also have to make friends and influence people, so I started dating Josie. Josie is great. When I first met her she was a little distant and off-putting, but since then she has really blossomed. Jo really digs my photography and we just have a lot of fun together. I think it’s important that everyone has someone special with whom to share the meaningful moments in life. Josie is very grounded and undemanding, but at the same time she is very supportive. I’m a fortunate guy.”

Josie only needs to be watered twice a month.

Paul Gaustad has been with the same girl, since he was seventeen-years-old. When asked about the pressures of maintaining a steady relationship while living the glamorous life of a professional athlete, Goose replied, “Love is the foundation of a relationship, standing in front of the net is the foundation of my career, and balance is the foundation of my life. Sure, it’s a lot of hard work, but being in a good relationship is worth the effort. Sometimes, because of the lifestyle, feathers get ruffled, but I am very loyal to my wonderful girlfriend, Miss Foxy Gander.”

Goose likes fat chicks.

***************

So there you have it, ladies! All the news that’s fit to print about your favorite player’s favorite girl!

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10 Responses to “The Girlfriends”


  1. 1 Meg October 23, 2007 at 4:34 pm

    Whatever would we do without your investigative journalism? I’m particularly impressed by Pominville’s taste in chew toys.

  2. 2 Katebits October 23, 2007 at 5:09 pm

    Well, Pommerdoodle may be dopey, but he knows a good gal when he sees one!

  3. 3 blitzen October 23, 2007 at 5:30 pm

    I should wear my dive mask to see if my world looks as good as yours.

  4. 4 Amy October 23, 2007 at 6:40 pm

    Great hard hitting journalism, as always!

  5. 5 Heather B. October 23, 2007 at 7:08 pm

    Barbie says that she and Derek have plans to be married in the Spring of 2011, just as soon as Derek picks out the engagement ring. When asked to comment, Derek said, “Barbie? Yeah, she’s fun.”

    I’ve never met Derek but somehow this sounds exactly right.

    Goose likes fat chicks.

    And who doesn’t love a chubby chaser? Honk! Honk!

  6. 6 Pookie October 23, 2007 at 9:10 pm

    Holy. Crap.

    :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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    *gasp for breath*

    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

    Miss Foxy Gander?!?

    Holy crap. I can’t breathe. Oh geeze. Miss Foxy Gander. Wow.

  7. 7 Schnookie October 23, 2007 at 9:39 pm

    I can only imagine what a lovely couple Josie and Crunchy make! Especially considering he only needs to be watered twice a month, too.

    (Oh, and *standing ovation*. This post should win you some kind of serious sports-journalism awards, what with how journalistically sound it is! Brilliant work!)

  8. 8 Tracy November 24, 2007 at 9:28 pm

    So I just came across this site, I am a big Sabres fan (even though I am from Minnesota) and this particular post MADE my day, funniest thing I have read in a long time.

  9. 9 Katebits November 24, 2007 at 10:05 pm

    Welcome to The Willful Caboose, Tracy! I’m from Minnesota TOO!! Thanks for stopping in, and I’m glad you like the “Girfriends” post!

  10. 10 Online Casinos July 23, 2013 at 6:16 am

    I always spent my half an hour to read this webpage’s posts everyday along with a mug of coffee.


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