I am not here to make unreasonable demands. I don’t think you owe me a President’s Cup, or a Stanley Cup, or hell, even a spot in the playoffs. You guys are what you are, and watching a team lose is part of being a fan. I understand that I have not yet earned the right to really bitch, but I do think that the shear enthusiasm of my sudden fandom is worth something.
Listen, I went apeshit crazy over hockey during the off season for you guys. I started a blog about hockey. I meticulously analyzed your yearbook photos. I gave you amusing fictional girlfriends. I kicked Gray’s Anatomy off the DVR queue so that I have enough space to record your every move (Okay, I probably would have done that anyway. Gray’s sucks ass). I learned all about your CBA, and offer sheets, and free agency. I regularly sit around fretting about Ryan Miller leaving us in 2009. I ardently defend Darcy Regier, and I spit every time someone says “Chris Drury”. I hate the following teams even though they have done nothing to injure me personally during my short tenure as a fan: Rangers, Flyers, Leafs. I joined a fantasy hockey league for Pete’s sake. (A fantasy hockey league, Goose. Me!)
With all of that in mind, I do have one small request:
If you could please save your most miserable losses for nights when I’m working, I would appreciate it very much. If you are going to be hugely frustrating, please do it on a Friday, Saturday or a Sunday. Sometimes, if we are rehearsing with the chorus, I work on Thursday night, but not very often. If you want, I’d be willing to email you my work schedule so you can plan accordingly.
F.Y.I, today is a Wednesday. (Or, as I hope to call it in the future, Winsday.)
Please, don’t make me take a second job. I’m lazy, and I’d like to keep it that way.
Thank you very much for your consideration,
H. R. M. Katebits