One Small Request

Dear Sabres,

I am not here to make unreasonable demands. I don’t think you owe me a President’s Cup, or a Stanley Cup, or hell, even a spot in the playoffs. You guys are what you are, and watching a team lose is part of being a fan. I understand that I have not yet earned the right to really bitch, but I do think that the shear enthusiasm of my sudden fandom is worth something.

Listen, I went apeshit crazy over hockey during the off season for you guys. I started a blog about hockey. I meticulously analyzed your yearbook photos. I gave you amusing fictional girlfriends. I kicked Gray’s Anatomy off the DVR queue so that I have enough space to record your every move (Okay, I probably would have done that anyway. Gray’s sucks ass). I learned all about your CBA, and offer sheets, and free agency. I regularly sit around fretting about Ryan Miller leaving us in 2009. I ardently defend Darcy Regier, and I spit every time someone says “Chris Drury”. I hate the following teams even though they have done nothing to injure me personally during my short tenure as a fan: Rangers, Flyers, Leafs. I joined a fantasy hockey league for Pete’s sake. (A fantasy hockey league, Goose. Me!)

With all of that in mind, I do have one small request:

If you could please save your most miserable losses for nights when I’m working, I would appreciate it very much. If you are going to be hugely frustrating, please do it on a Friday, Saturday or a Sunday. Sometimes, if we are rehearsing with the chorus, I work on Thursday night, but not very often. If you want, I’d be willing to email you my work schedule so you can plan accordingly.

F.Y.I, today is a Wednesday. (Or, as I hope to call it in the future, Winsday.)

Please, don’t make me take a second job. I’m lazy, and I’d like to keep it that way.

Thank you very much for your consideration,

Sincerely,

H. R. M. Katebits

8 Responses to “One Small Request”


  1. 1 Glenn October 24, 2007 at 11:49 pm

    Such is the roller coaster of a ride we signed up for when we became Sabres fans. Oh, the humanity!

  2. 2 Schnookie October 25, 2007 at 1:09 am

    Dear Katebits,

    Dream on.

    Love,
    The Sabres

    P.S. Suck it! We’ll lose whenever we damn well please, and you’ll like it!

    P.P.S. Aw, come on back, baby! The Sabres didn’t mean it!

    P.P.P.S. Psych! We totally meant it!

    P.P.P.P.S. No, really, we want you back. We promise, we’ll never do it again!

  3. 3 Katebits October 25, 2007 at 1:15 am

    Ack! Stop trying to confuse me, Sabres! Damn you!

  4. 4 Becky October 25, 2007 at 8:02 am

    This is starting to remind me why very few people watched hockey until the football season was over.

    Luckily, football is even more of a letdown. With the shorter season and fewer games, even an occasional win doesn’t generate hope for this year.

  5. 5 Sam October 25, 2007 at 11:06 am

    I regularly sit around fretting about Ryan Miller leaving us in 2009.

    This is because you’re wishing he would leave by December of 2007, right? ‘Cause he’s KILLING my fantasy team.

    I knew I should have drafted Backstrom…

  6. 6 Meg October 25, 2007 at 11:20 am

    This is because you’re wishing he would leave by December of 2007, right? ‘Cause he’s KILLING my fantasy team.

    I knew I should have drafted Backstrom…

    Damn . . . Backstrom definitely would have been the way to go there. If the Sabres magically remember how to play defense I imagine Miller will kill your fantasy team a little less, but I still wouldn’t expect him to put up numbers like Backstrom’s.

    Kate, I definitely endorse the winning on the weekdays plan.

  7. 7 Katebits October 25, 2007 at 12:48 pm

    This is because you’re wishing he would leave by December of 2007, right? ‘Cause he’s KILLING my fantasy team.

    And Martin Brodeur is killing my fantasy team. Such is life.

  8. 8 elise October 25, 2007 at 1:21 pm

    kate, i feel you are not asking for THAT much. it is the LEAST they can do for you! if you get really sad, watch game 1 of the World Series. the “hottest line-up in baseball”!


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