Dear Crunchy,
Great game last night. You totally deserved a win. If it’s any consolation, Marty Brodeur is on my fantasy team, so even though the Sabres lost, the Fancy Bits still got a win.
-Katebits
*******
Dear Rest of the Sabres,
Listen, Crunchy doesn’t do 1-0 shutouts. That’s asking too much. And don’t tell me, “But, but it was Marty Brodeur“. I know it was Marty, but you still have got to score more than one goal for Crunchy. This one is on you guys. I think you need to buy Crunchy a present to make up for squandering his awesome game…..something handmade and special.
Someone should learn how to knit, and knit him a new skull cap. Pommers, get on that.
Love,
Katebits
PS- I can’t wait to see you on Tuesday! Make sure to keep an eye out for me. I’ll be the one who looks really cold.
********
Dear Thomas Vanek,
It’s time to give away some money. It’s time to give away a lot of money….like a million dollars.
Look. The contract is clearly effecting you. Just give some money away. Pick a cause that is meaningful to you, and unburden yourself. Help some people out. You can give away a million dollars and still be a really rich man.
You’ll feel better. I promise.
Sincerely,
Katebits
PS- If you give away a million dollars, I promise to never call you a slag-faced whore again. (Unless, I suppose, you give your money to the Coalition for the Advancement of Slag-Faced Whores annual fund raising drive. I hate CASFW. If I get one more call from them asking for money…….)
*********
Dear Drew Stafford,
I don’t understand how a brain-eating zombie can be concussed. Please explain.
-Katebits
PS- Ever since I learned about your concussion, I’ve had a funny image of you wandering around Buffalo dazed and disoriented with a bandage around your head. It would really make me happy if you wore a bandage like this to the Ronan Tynan concert tomorrow night. Of course, I won’t be there to see it, but still, I would love it tremendously. I think a head bandage would look great with a tuxedo. Feel better soon!
Staffy is totally wandering around dazed with a bandage on his head. While wearing skin-tight leopard print pants. Of course.
Staffy’s head bandage is leopard-print, with leather laces. It’s really hott. (And might actually be the reason he looks so dazed. Maybe if he took it off he’d be fine?)
Oh, and I’m so glad to hear someone else is annoyed by CASFW. I swear it’s like they know when I’m sitting down for dinner and call right then. And how I got on their phone list I will never know, since they don’t accept pledges of less than $100,000, and like I have that kind of money sitting around. Sheesh. I guess if you ever declare you like a guy who someday goes all SFW they think you’ll still be interested in supporting him. Note to CASFW — I only liked Scott Gomez when he was a spunky rookie. Is he one of those anymore? No? Then stop calling me!
Someone else is going to have to work on knitting the hat for Crunchy. Pommers has only just mastered the Bedazzler, asking him to learn knitting might be too much. He can add the sparkles to the hat when its done.
I won’t be able to contain my laughter if Staffy shows up tomorrow night with a bandage on his head, especially if its leopard print. Of course, if Crunchy shows up in a Mr. Rogers sweater, I’ll be toast too. Then again, its a special occasion, so he might upgrade to a Cosby sweater.
Pommers has only just mastered the Bedazzler,
Something told me he had one of these already. Good thing I got him Blendy Pens ( http://www.asseenontv.com/prod-pages/blendy_pens.html?gid= )for Christmas!
Pommers has only just mastered the Bedazzler
Yeah, and it took Roy months to teach him how to use it. I think knitting might be a lost cause.
I loved the Buff News article with Druuu and Mills. They rock hard. Talk about creative outlets. “I’m not as good as Staff, or anything. He’s TOTALLY good enough to do it professionally. Me, I’m happy to play rhythm guitar.” :)
Watch this movie. I think Staffy is in it!
Well, that didn’t work… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhBGFqldAvk