Woe is the Sabres fan. I consider myself a fairly light-hearted person. As far as hockey goes, I try to enjoy the wins and distract myself from the losses. I don’t really see the point in watching sports if they make you miserable, so in general, I accept full responsibility for any bad moods resulting from watching the Sabres. However, this little stretch has been genuinely unpleasant, and at first glance, tonight’s game against the Senators does not appear to offer any hope of relief.
Fear not, though, dear readers. I’m pretty sure that it’s all going to be okay.
Our best chance at a win tonight is to catch the Senators unaware. They should be lulled into a pretty comfy sense of security by our recent lose-iness. Hopefully the Sens will be bloated with ego and overconfidence, and the Sabres can take advantage of the situation. Lindy has activated his mad sly super-coach skillz, and he’s putting T-bone in to start the game. Nothing says, “Don’t mind us. We’re just a struggling team in terrifying free-fall. Nothing to fear here,” like playing your back-up goalie. We’ve got them exactly where we want them!
That’s right, Senators. You just relax. You deserve to take it easy today.
Don’t worry if things start out slowly. I predict that the Sens will score four goals in the first period, and the Sabres will have an extremely tense intermission. The Sabres are going to fight each other at the start of the second period, but then use that frustration to fucking EXPLODE against the Senators. The Sabres are going to win 31-4. (Yeah, that’s right! 31-4!) Staffy is going to score 13 goals. Vanek with a hat-trick. In the third period Lindy will put Crunchy in, and then Crunchy will score a goal. There will be a huge brawl. It’s going to be the greatest game ever.
I, of course, can’t watch the game in Portland, so I leave it for you to enjoy. Have fun, guys!