Congratulations! You’re nearly ready to watch the 2008 Stanley Cup Playoffs. Compared to the first two lessons (Temporarily Freeing Oneself From the Tyranny of the Sabres and, Facing the Reality of the Playoff Situation), today’s lesson should be relatively enjoyable. Today, we move from merely tolerating the playoffs, to embracing them fully.
Lesson #3:
It’s Still Hockey, and It’s Still being Performed By Hockey Players….It Can’t Be All Bad.
1. Hockey is badass.
2. Playoff hockey is extra badass.
3. Beards are foxy.
4. Hockey players all grow beards during the playoffs.
In conclusion, playoff hockey is extra-badass hockey performed by foxier versions of the regular-season hockey players. Yes, the playoffs would have been better with the Sabres involved, but even minus the Sabres, I see very little downside here.
Solution: Quit your bitching, and enjoy the playoffs!
Is Sidney Crosby capable of growing a playoff beard? I think Crosby with a beard and a black eye, would make me like him.
4. Hockey players all grow beards during the playoffs
All except Vinny Lecavalier. Hahahahahahahha.
We haven’t seen Sid the Kid in the finals yet, so maybe he can grow a manly testosterone-laced lumberjack style beard in 2 months, but Vinny cannot:
http://bp2.blogger.com/_w8a6bIv6CMs/R93sbtEZW1I/AAAAAAAAAQc/m5q79vB23YI/s1600-h/vinnycup.jpg
You’re not going to believe this, but my orchestra’s music director is actually growing a playoff beard! We haven’t seen him for a few weeks, and when he showed up yesterday morning for rehearsal, he was sporting the beginnings of an honest-to-goodness Van Dyke!
Mind you, he claims that the appearance of the beard and the start of the playoffs is a coincidence, but I don’t believe him for a second. He’s a huge Wild fan, he’s Finnish (serious hockey country,) he’s friends with Mikko Koivu, and he’s going to Game 1 tonight against Colorado. It’s a playoff beard.
Thanks to you, Katebits, I think I can now watch tonight’s games without physical pain (although I can’t promise I won’t have a slight twitch while watching the Sharks game…hopefully the badass-ness that is Jarome Iginla will help with that little problem).
I, too, wonder how scruffy little Sid can actually get!
I’m sure the beards of Crosby and Ovechkin will be endlessly debated by the hockey “experts” of Versus, while the wonder that is J.P. Dumont’s beard will go unappreciated…If only I had a picture – that beard in 2006 was a thing of beauty!
Katie
http://cache2.asset-cache.net/xc/71073730.jpg?v=1&c=NewsMaker&k=2&d=17A4AD9FDB9CF193875DCB1DD8387ABB06AD5C3352E36D9B4E9C89C783688B46
you can marvel at its majesty.
Thanks so much, Jon! Now that is a work of art.
Wow. I badly want to marry JP Dumont right now.
2006 JP is definitely the best playoff beard of all-time. That picture doesn’t even really do it justice because you can’t see all the different colors streaked through it. That was the amazing part. There were colors in his beard that had nothing to do with the hair on top of his head. If I didn’t hate Nashville I’d pull for them to get through a couple of rounds just for JP’s beard.
This is just my opinion, but you really can’t beat the Neidermeyer beard.
How could I forget the Neidermeyer beard! That is another example of how the playoff beard can make pretty average-looking hockey players strangely attractive (see: Campbell, Brian…even though I hope he’s not in long enough to grow one!).
And Heather, I loved the rainbow effect of Dumont’s beard! I was just thinking that it’s a shame how much I hate Nashville and want them out as soon as possible. Hopefully, we can find a new beard to love! hahaha
All series should be interesting except for NY-NJ. Go Habs Go!
OMG game 1 hasn’t started yet and Sid has stubble!
I guess we now know Sid the kid will have a mean set of sideburns and ‘stache….doesn’t look like he’s getting anything in the middle.
Hurray! 2-0 pittsburg! YaaaaaaaaaaWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
I miss my Saaaaabres!!! It should have been 2-0 Buffalowaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
O.k. deeeeeeeep breaths….oooooommmmmmmm…..concentrate…kill Neil…
Oh sure, show the Crunchy yo mamma commercial! Damnit! Where’s the chocolate?!!
“I guess we now know Sid the kid will have a mean set of sideburns and ’stache…”
hahhahaha We can call him “Chops.”
YES I am ALL about calling Sidney Crosby “Chops”.
I was at my dance studio until after the Pens game, and I am so mad that I did not get to see the debut of “Chops” and his playoff patches of facial hair! Forget “Sid the Kid” – this nickname takes the cake!
I am SO bummed I missed Chops’ chops tonight! (I was working. Thanks for creating an entertaining thread to come home to though!)
I totally applaud this entire post and agree wholeheartedly and will save this for future re-use. However, I would feel horribly remiss if I did not point out what, really, should be tied with #1 in your reasons:
The potential for multiple commercial-free overtimes. That have gone til 2 in the morning. Usually on a Tuesday.