No Triple Crown For You

I happened to watch some Preakness coverage while at Pearl Street before the Bandits game a few weeks ago. I’d never seen a horse race before. Ever. There I was, chillin’, drinking a Trainwreck, minding my own business, when NBC shows a clip of that poor horse breaking both her ankles at the Kentucky Derby. Now, I know absolutely NOTHING about horse racing. Nothing at all. But that? Was effed up.

I’m holding a grudge against the horse racing industry as a result. I figure the horse racing industry has been doing just fine without my patronage for the last 32 years, so even if my knee-jerk grudge is totally misguided, my one woman protest won’t do too much damage.

Big Brown

He’s all, “Tra la la. I am NOT going to break my ankles trying to please you bitches. You can just forget it. La lee la. Some other horse can win the Belmont for all I care. Tra la la.”

The good news is that I don’t really think Big Brown feels badly about losing the Belmont. Big Brown is going to be just fine. He’ll retire and spend his remaining days trotting around a field and being paid handsomely to impregnate foxy mares. Sounds like a nice life to me.

Enjoy your retirement, Big Brown!

6 Responses to “No Triple Crown For You”


  1. 1 Shari June 8, 2008 at 12:34 am

    Yep, I’ve always felt horseracing was effed up.
    Along with the tigers and elephants in the circus.

  2. 2 blitzen June 8, 2008 at 8:04 pm

    I’m not what one would call a learned horsewoman (having only ridden for about 5 years) but horse racing is not an equine sport I watch at all. These horses are VERY young – they start racing as two-year olds and are going full-tilt at three. Many retire after very short careers. In other disciplines they aren’t even backed until they are four or five.

    As for his future impregnating winsome mares – not likely the good old fashioned way. Mares aren’t “covered” (horsey speak for nooky) by brand-name studs like Big Brown. I have no idea how they collect the contributions from frisky boys like him but the girls get the glass rod on the receiving end.

    Even in retirement they manage to take all the fun out of it.

    Poor pony.

  3. 3 Katebits June 8, 2008 at 9:40 pm

    I have no idea how they collect the contributions from frisky boys like him but the girls get the glass rod on the receiving end.

    Are you SERIOUS?! That sucks! Poor horses.

  4. 4 Shari June 8, 2008 at 10:09 pm

    A freind of mine had horses and one was an old racehorse. That horse was so wired all the time and spooked at the tiniest little things.
    When we were out riding, she would always say, whatever happens with me and my horse, just keep riding. He threw her off alot and she was the only one that he would let ride him. Funny thing is, when she was down on the ground, that horse would always come back and nudge her as if to say he was sorry!

  5. 5 Katebits June 8, 2008 at 10:35 pm

    I have to admit, I’m totally scared of horses. I think they are really beautiful….to look at. From a safe distance.

  6. 6 blitzen June 9, 2008 at 12:29 pm

    Well, one should not get on a horse without fully expecting to fall off a few times. It just goes with the territory. My guy was bred for the race track but never made it there but is as twitchy as most thoroughbreds. But he is very gentle to handle when not riding. He’s retired now and gets to eat, poop and run around with other horses. Now that’s the life of a horse!!


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