Her?

(This post is part of a series in which I am picking the Sabre most deserving of the title “Kate’s Favorite Sabre II”.  The competition is stiff.  The traits necessary to win are impossible to predict.  Anything could happen!  Every Sabre is a hero, but in the end, there can be only one.  Last year the “one” was Max Afinogenov, so you can assume this whole exercise is deeply flawed/possibly corrupt.)

Last year when I was running this competition I didn’t have very much information to work with beyond roster photos.  At the time I had seen maaaybe twenty hockey games in my life. Comparatively, I’m now a hockey expert.  This morning, armed with a new confidence in my ability to reasonably grade professional hockey players, I eagerly headed to the Sabres website.  “Time to reacquaint myself with the cast of characters and enjoy my new (and hopefully intimidating) depth of Sabres knowledge,” I thought.  I got quite a shock.

There are, like, 5 million guys on the Sabres roster right now.

Darcy Regier has been signing dudes right and left all summer.  I paid little or no attention to these guys because I assumed they were all headed straight for Portland and my already overtaxed walnut-sized brain has no room for non-NHL hockey.  Apparently, these recent acquisitions are current Sabres.

I don’t have the time for this bullhonky, so the following Sabres are cut from the competition because I have no idea who they are:

Jimmy Bonneau, Tyler Bouck, Mathieu Darch, Colton Fretter, Colin Murphy, Felix Schutz, Derek Whitmore, Chris Butler, Michael Kostka, and Dennis Persson.

JImmy Bonneau.jpg Tyler Bouck.jpg Mathieu Darche.jpg Colton Fretter.jpg

Colin Murphy.jpg Felix Schutz.jpg Derek Whitmore.jpg Chris Butler.jpg

Michael Kostka.jpg Dennis Persson.jpg

Never heard of him.

Listen, I’m a supportive and understanding person, but this is unacceptable.  It’s like they’re not even trying to be Kate’s Favorite Sabre.   I’m sorry to be to be so unwelcoming to the new kids, but HONESTLY, if you’re going to be someone I’ve never heard of you’d better also be really funny, or at the very least have a working knowledge of the viola and viola related issues.  Since these guys are neither funny or holding violas, I have no choice but to eliminate them from consideration for KFS.

Katebits: (stands up to approach the contestants) (voice dripping with false sincerity) I’m sorry, that means that you’re out.  (*kiss kiss*)  Auf wiedersehen!

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12 Responses to “Her?”


  1. 1 bbC August 27, 2008 at 4:52 pm

    I understand your decision, Kate. I mean, you have to work your way up to be eligible to be your favorite Sabre. These Sabres-noobs need to prove themselves before they can win this gracious title.

  2. 2 JB August 27, 2008 at 5:03 pm

    Excellent decision!

  3. 3 Katebits August 27, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    For real, bbC.

    Thanks JB!

  4. 4 ms.conduct August 27, 2008 at 6:44 pm

    I’m a sucker for the noobs but you definitely made the right decision here. Go with a proven entity.

  5. 5 Schnookie August 27, 2008 at 8:31 pm

    Dude, those people are all imaginary. Every last one of them is made up. You did well not to fall for it.

  6. 6 Becky August 27, 2008 at 8:37 pm

    Max wore himself out selling himself to you last year, that’s why his season was trashed. THIS year however, is his contract year. The guys always play best then, before they go back to meh.

    “PhotoNotAvailable” would look unique on the back of a jersey…

  7. 7 Katebits August 27, 2008 at 10:06 pm

    Max wore himself out selling himself to you last year, that’s why his season was trashed.

    Hm. That’s a worrisome suggestion, Becky. Do you think I should go ahead and choose someone I suspect is already permanently worn out as my Favorite Sabre? I don’t want to ruin an otherwise good season!

    I KNOW Schnookie! I’m so irritated by these fake Sabres! :P

  8. 8 Becky August 28, 2008 at 6:30 am

    Permanently worn out? Perhaps rephrased as having already reached their peak, maybe Mair or Numminen (you did start out with him last year, didn’t you?).

    Then there are those not living up to expectations, so maybe being your favorite would be just the incentive they need to get their act together, like Paetsch or Stafford (I won’t suggest 2nd round pick of yore, Peters).

    Or stick with the coach. Lindy Ruff can handle the pressure.

  9. 9 Pookie August 28, 2008 at 11:16 am

    I think I saw Blobby trying to sneak in to this competition with one of those “Photo Not Available” slots on the roster. Good job foiling his plan!

  10. 10 Katebits August 28, 2008 at 11:57 am

    Gaaaaaasp! What a narrow escape! My summer has been so blissfully Blobby free!

  11. 11 Amy August 28, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    And how can someone be named “Kate’s Favorite Sabre” if they don’t even wear a Sabres sweater on Yearbook Day? Team loyalty should be an important factor here, right?

  12. 12 Shari August 28, 2008 at 8:16 pm

    Like you said last year Kate, “Teppo transcends this competition in every way.” I think he’s just about everyones favorite Sabre!


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