(This post is part of a series in which I am picking the Sabre most deserving of the title “Kate’s Favorite Sabre II”. The competition is stiff. The traits necessary to win are impossible to predict. Anything could happen! Every Sabre is a hero, but in the end, there can be only one. Last year the “one” was Max Afinogenov, so you can assume this whole exercise is deeply flawed/possibly corrupt.)
Last year when I was running this competition I didn’t have very much information to work with beyond roster photos. At the time I had seen maaaybe twenty hockey games in my life. Comparatively, I’m now a hockey expert. This morning, armed with a new confidence in my ability to reasonably grade professional hockey players, I eagerly headed to the Sabres website. “Time to reacquaint myself with the cast of characters and enjoy my new (and hopefully intimidating) depth of Sabres knowledge,” I thought. I got quite a shock.
There are, like, 5 million guys on the Sabres roster right now.
Darcy Regier has been signing dudes right and left all summer. I paid little or no attention to these guys because I assumed they were all headed straight for Portland and my already overtaxed walnut-sized brain has no room for non-NHL hockey. Apparently, these recent acquisitions are current Sabres.
I don’t have the time for this bullhonky, so the following Sabres are cut from the competition because I have no idea who they are:
Jimmy Bonneau, Tyler Bouck, Mathieu Darch, Colton Fretter, Colin Murphy, Felix Schutz, Derek Whitmore, Chris Butler, Michael Kostka, and Dennis Persson.
Never heard of him.
Listen, I’m a supportive and understanding person, but this is unacceptable. It’s like they’re not even trying to be Kate’s Favorite Sabre. I’m sorry to be to be so unwelcoming to the new kids, but HONESTLY, if you’re going to be someone I’ve never heard of you’d better also be really funny, or at the very least have a working knowledge of the viola and viola related issues. Since these guys are neither funny or holding violas, I have no choice but to eliminate them from consideration for KFS.
Katebits: (stands up to approach the contestants) (voice dripping with false sincerity) I’m sorry, that means that you’re out. (*kiss kiss*) Auf wiedersehen!