Based on the comments on yesterday’s post, it seems like maybe there is a little crossover between Sabres fans and Project Runway fans. There is, right? Recapping is being done all over the place, by more talented people than me, but damnit, I’m bored, and hockey is still a month away. Here’s my attempt at recapping Project Runway.
Introducing the Challenge
- AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA! It’s the dreaded “Eliminated contestants are back to ‘help’ with the challenge” episode! I’m sure this won’t be at all awkward or bitchy! Right off the bat Kenley’s voiceover is all “Umm, I usually work alone. I’m not sure this is going to WORK for me.” Normally I disagree with every thing you say Kenley, but here I have to agree. This is not going to work for you AT ALL.
- The challenge has to do with astrological signs and the goal is to be “avant garde”. So basically, the garments are going to be wild and gaudy. This seem like a good time to tell you that I am a Cancer. I’m a crab through and through. Tough on the outside, and soft and smushy on the inside. Just thought you should know.
- Yay! Blayne and Stella! Best hilarious combo ever!
- Ha! Terri and Keith! Worst combination of personalities EVER!
Designing and Sewing the Garments
- The teams “caucus” (or so Tim Gunn calls it). Kenley thinks her sign (Aquarius) is PERFECT (shocker). There’s a funny bit of editing here where Leanne says her team will be going with a “Scorpio” outfit because doesn’t want to do a “Libra” outfit where a girl walks down the runway holding her arms out like a scale. Cut to Blayne holding his arms out like a scale and Stella nodding her head and saying “That’s beautiful.” Heh.
- Oh, Terri and Keith are going to be a freaking TRAIN WRECK. Terri wants faux fur. I can only assume Keith wants to cut up tiny little squares of gauzy fabric and glue them to their model until she looks like a car wash swisher. Keith is having a hard time dealing with his recent elimination. He asks Terri to “be gentle with me”. Yeah, show weakness. That’ll work with Terri.
- Joe and Dainel are working on some kind of Ram inspired thing.
- With a voice that could peel paint off a wall, Kenley announces that she is working on something “very strong and progressive, like me”. Leanne and Emily (our sweet-as-pie passive aggressives) are rolling their eyes, and Kenley (our straight shooter) declares that she’s “just having fun, and some girls don’t like that.” Me. ow.
-Blayne/Stella and Jarell/Emily both have some kind of ca-RAZY schemes that Tim doesn’t understand. Neither do I frankly.
-Leanne is so whispy and whimsical that I’m surprised she doesn’t float away as she explains her outfit. Just listening to her makes me feel like I’m hovering above myself, high on Ambian and fairy dust. Kenley’s voice, in comparison, is like fingernails on a blackboard. These two both have to make it to the end. They are like yin and yang. But both bitches. Kenley’s garment seems to be some kind of puffy-sleeved nightmare.
- Terri and Keith should just admit that they are in love. The sexual tension is palpable. When they undermine each other in front of Tim we all know that what they really mean is, “You complete me.”
- Dude! Suede is 37! He looks WAY younger than that. Kate had no idea that Suede was such an oldenheimer!
- Uh-oh. A note from Heidi announces that TWO designers will be eliminated! Oh NO! My heart fears for Jerell and Suede. PLUS, they thought they had until midnight, but really they only have until 8pm.
- Terri is just hurting Keith’s feelings right and left.
- No more immunity. This is hardcore, beeyotches.
- This is the part of the show where we see a montage of everyone running about all helter-skelter, madly sewing their models into weird pieces of their garments, and then various designers tell us that looking around the room they are feeling more and more confident (Kenley). This is ALSO the part of the show where often a designer will throw a shitfit about one of the sewing machines, but today we are machine-drama-free. I’m worried about Korto. I love her, but her flowy blue outfit is not done….and it appears to be ugly.
- Everyone goes to some “party” at “The Rose Center For Earth and Space”, which seems to be a dimly lit planetarium lobby. Yay! Past season designers! The ex-contestants seem to strike terror into the hearts of the current designers. This seems like a rather odd location to be judging the garments. It’s dark and the lighting is very blue.
- Kenley and Heidi get into a hiLARious argument about where everyone’s boobs are hanging. There is a lot of unfriendly boob grabbing and Kenley says in a voiceover, “If Heidi’s talking nonsense, I’m going to step in and set her straight.” Oh, please, please, please, DO Kenley! But wait until the runway! Wait until Nina Garcia is there! Set Heidi straight in front of Nina! Heidi knows NOTHING about boobs! Set her straight, Kenley! Do it!
- Oh, Suede. Katebits does not understand those weird “scale” appendages.
- Heidi is in rare form tonight. She tells Blayne his outfit looks like “granny panties”. I have to agree.
- Jay from Season One is looking MARVELOUS. Good to see you, old friend.
- The next day, back at Parsons, Kenley is still all up in arms about boobs.
- The models get all tarted up at the Tresemme hair and makeup salon.
- Stella is still hammering away. I miss her so much.
- Keith is pretending to be asleep when Tim comes to collect everyone for the runway. Faker.
- In the promos for this episode we saw a clip of Michael Kors saying, “She’s POOPING fabric,” about ONE MILLION TIMES. All I really care about is figuring out which dress he was talking about. Pooping fabric sounds very, very, very bad.
- Blayne and Stella’s outfit is hideous. It’s like a half-skinned, tropical bird. Stella says it’s “bling”. I say it’s “grody”. This HAS to be the fabric pooper.
- Kenley and Wesley (Wesley? I have no recollection of him.) I hate Kenley’s weird bulbous garment, but for some reason, no matter what whackadoo dress Kenley sends out, the judges are always complimenting the silhouette and generally slobbering all over it- so I clearly don’t know what I’m talking about here. That IS a very interesting silhouette. I have to give her that.
- Terri and Keith’s “Leo” outfit is kind of cool and quite lion-y. (Could this be the “pooping fabric” dress?) Keith thinks it looks cheap and that Terri’s design aesthetic is questionable. Shut up, Keith.
- Uh-oh. I dunno, Korto. It doesn’t look very polished…..and I’m concerned that the model might be pooping fabric. I do think Korto should get points for clearly sticking to the “Aquarius” theme. It does look watery.
- Joe and Daniel created a “fire” garment. I think it’s really pretty. But damnit, ALL these models are pooping fabric! They must have smoked some bad Marlboro Lights! It’s a freaking fabric pooping epidemic!
- Jerrell and Jennifer. This is exactly the kind of outfit that when I think “EW” the judges love it, and when I think “OOOH, PRETTY”, the judges say it looks like she’s pooping fabric. I have no idea. I LOVE the skirt, but the jacket looks like hell, and she has some kind of brown appendage in her hair.
-Leanne and Emily send out a weird little caped cocktail dress thingy. It just looks like a black blob to me, but Leanne’s voiceover tells me that it’s has “strongness and structure”. Um…kay. It’s definitley NOT pooping fabric.
- Suede’s garment is blue and purpley with these weird floaty wings flying along behind the model. I don’t think she’s pooping fabric, but she might be. I dunno. I’m worried about Suede here.
- In an odd departure from standard protocol, Korto, Jerell, Leanne, and Joe are told to step forward and leave the runway. One of these designers will be the winner but they’ll have to wait to find out. This leaves Terri, Blayne, Kenley and Suede with the lowest scores. Kenley and Terri look like they are trying to eviscerate Heidi with their steely glares.
- Blayne: Nina says it’s haphazard. The guest judge (whoever he is) says it’s costumey. Heidi says it isn’t pretty enough. (I agree, Heidi. *bitchy high five*) Michael says “SHE IS POOPING FABRIC,” and she totally is.
- Terri and Keith can’t WAIT to start trash talking each other in front of the judges. The Judges don’t give a smidge about their drama. They hate the outfit. No strength. Terri is “shocked” to hear these comments. I am too, Terri. I don’t think it’s that bad.
- When told by the judges that her look not only has nothing to do with the challenge AND that it’s been done before, Kenley screetches that she was “TOTALLY INSPIRED BY STRENGTH, REBELLION, AND PURPLE.“ She and the judges squabble over the definition of “avant garde” until Kenley rolls her eyes and shakes her head in righteous indignation.
- Suede says “Suede didn’t want to take it too crazy…” The judges think it’s boring and not avant garde.
-I think Suede and Blayne are toast. The judges discuss the designers bitchily for a few minutes.
-WHOA, Jarell WINS. See? I am a terrible Project Runway judge.
-Kenley is in. Obviously. She’s our villain for the remainder of the season.
-Heidi says all manner of mean things to the remaining three before she says, “Blayne, you’re out.” Blayne says, “Being eliminated is kind of like a slap in the face.” Katebits says, “Kind of?”
WOW. Suede is IN. Heidi: “That means, Terri you are out.” DUDE. This is a SHOCKER. Terri’s outfit wasn’t that shitty and she has been consistently good throughout the competition. I think this is an outrage and a scandal. (But Kate is happy that Suede is still in. Kate thinks Suede is a sweetie pie.)
The teaser for next week is OUTRAGEOUS as it seems to hint that Nina Garcia is moved to TEARS by the crappiness of the designs presented. Man, I love Project Runway.