Bigger Fish To Fry

No offense Buffalo, but you’re beginning to sound a little unhinged.   I always get kind of nervous when you start to act like this. Yes, the Sabres are soft.  No, you don’t have to have to go all Cuckoo for Crankypuffs about it.

It’s not that I don’t think the Sabres are soft, it’s just that my distaste for the tone of this dialog is far outweighing my interest in the subject matter.  Furthermore, it’s not like the Sabres being soft is even the most significant issue right now!  The way I see it, we’ve got plenty of other things to freak out about, including, but not limited to:

1. Tomorrow, and for the foreseeable future, Patrick Lalime is our goaltender.

2. I don’t understand why Crunchy hasn’t taken a little more heat for this whole mess.  What, is Ryan Miller too good for ankle steroids?  If Crunchy had spent the summer bulking up his spindly little ankles instead of gallivanting around Europe with Goose, maybe this whole fiasco could have been avoided.

3. Has anyone considered that Ryan Miller is faking? If I were pissed off at my teammates for being reluctant to stand up for me, and I lived in a city prone to sports-related mass hysteria, I might limp around in a walking boot just for fun too.

4. If Thomas Vanek doesn’t have a blowhole drilled by tomorrow, I’m going to flip the eff out.  Enough of this bullhonky!  Man up, Thomas!  If we don’t have Ryan Miller, we’re going to need a LOT more goals.  Get your gimpy jaw back in the game, RIGHT NOW.

5. The Rangers hired Tortorella. This pisses me off because he was my go-to coach in case Lindy ever needed to be fired.  (I know, I know.  You guys don’t like to think about these things, but SOMEONE has to come up with a Plan B.  Tortorella was my Plan B.)  I kind of love Torts, and now he’s a disgusting Ranger.  Sad.

To review:  Everyone stop shouting about the Sabres being soft, and start shouting about blowholes and ankle steroids.  Thank you.

22 Responses to “Bigger Fish To Fry”


  1. 1 kristin February 23, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    Blowholes and ankle steroids…is there any problem they aren’t the solution to?

  2. 3 Amanda February 23, 2009 at 11:33 pm

    I’m with you, kid. Stop the whining and support the team! They need all the help they can get! Hey – who wants to organize mass late-night panty raids of opposing teams’ hotel rooms? We can’t have well-rested opponents, after all…

  3. 4 Schnookie February 24, 2009 at 9:53 am

    Katebits, you are ALWAYS the voice of reason in times of crisis.

    Blowholes and ankle steroids…is there any problem they aren’t the solution to?

    :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Like alcohol, they are the solution to, and cause of, all the world’s problems.

  4. 5 Amy February 24, 2009 at 9:58 am

    I wonder how Crunchy feels knowing that his wonky ankle is the reason for the million and one freakouts currently happening around Sabre Nation.

    I might limp around in a walking boot just for fun too.

    You might be onto something here, especially in light of Crunchy’s comments yesterday about the boot. He mentioned that when he’s home and in the locker room, he’s not wearing the boot. But when he’s out and around town, the boot is on.

  5. 6 Katebits February 24, 2009 at 10:07 am

    I’m telling you, he’s LOVING this. He loves that boot!

  6. 7 Erin February 24, 2009 at 10:38 am

    So funny! But I want to blame Ryan more. I think he should have had illegal ankle enhancing implants. Also, eyes in the back of his head.

  7. 8 Katebits February 24, 2009 at 10:59 am

    If Ryan had the opportunity to get ankle enhancing implants, and he DIDN’T take it, well, then this really is all his fault.

  8. 9 Erin February 24, 2009 at 11:31 am

    And by implants I mean, basically cyborg like ankles impervious to any injury. I think those exist. You know, he’s like a guy who rides his motorcycle at 100 mph and doesn’t wear a helment. In fact, I think he DESERVES to have a sprained ankle.

  9. 10 Jennifer February 24, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    Now THESE are the fun comments that I enjoy reading here. Yesterday’s comments were far too serious and some were just plain mean.

  10. 11 Amy February 24, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    I’m telling you, he’s LOVING this. He loves that boot!

    I said yesterday on IPB that I half expected to see him rolling around Weggies on the little old lady shopping cart.

    Or at tonight’s game, he’ll be ensconced in the press box with the boot on and the foot propped up on a chair with a pillow on it.

  11. 12 Katebits February 24, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    Or at tonight’s game, he’ll be ensconced in the press box with the boot on and the foot propped up on a chair with a pillow on it.

    :^:::::::::::::::::::: Totally! And he’ll make sure that the chair with the pillow is visible to the entire arena. So, while the Sabres are losing 183-2 to the Ducks, everyone in the building can look up into the press box to see his boot.

  12. 13 Schnookie February 24, 2009 at 1:41 pm

    Or at tonight’s game, he’ll be ensconced in the press box with the boot on and the foot propped up on a chair with a pillow on it.

    Totally! And he’ll make sure that the chair with the pillow is visible to the entire arena.

    There is no doubt in my mind that he’s going to do exactly this. And he’ll periodically cough pathetically to make it clear that he’s thirsty and needs someone to get him a drink because it’s such a production for him to get up and get one himself.

  13. 14 JBo February 24, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    I don’t know if I should be taking this seriously or if I’m in a bad mood or if nothing can really make me laugh at the moment or a combo of all three, but leave Crunchy and Tommy alone! My boys need to get healthy. They just need time. Let’s petition to the NHL to put the season on hold until they’re better. :)

  14. 15 elise February 24, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    kate, while reading this entry it dawned on me (again!) that you are a full-fledged HOCKEY GENIUS! i need some coachings from you…

  15. 16 Katebits February 24, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    I’ll leave Ryan and Thomas alone when they stop being such babies! FAKERS!

    elise, I’m a total hockey genius! :D

  16. 17 Amy February 24, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    And he’ll periodically cough pathetically to make it clear that he’s thirsty and needs someone to get him a drink because it’s such a production for him to get up and get one himself.

    That’s what Afinogenov is for. He can be the drink and cookie fetcher for the boys in the press box tonight.

  17. 18 Matt February 24, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    (I know, I know. You guys don’t like to think about these things, but SOMEONE has to come up with a Plan B. Tortorella was my Plan B.)

    My plan B was to bring Scotty Bowman out of retirement for one last Cup campaign… Also, one of the principals at work looks exactly like Tortorella 10 years from now. Come to think of it, they have the same last name. I wonder if I can turn that into free Rangers tickets…

  18. 19 sheri February 24, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    kristin

    February 23, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    Blowholes and ankle steroids…is there any problem they aren’t the solution to?

    There is, I like to call it “what the hell pominville!”

  19. 20 Chaz February 24, 2009 at 9:46 pm

    I’m going to drive to Buffalo and expect to find Vaneks house in the next 36 hours, at which time a blowhole will become a reality. The drill and bits are already in the trunk of my car.

    Ah, anyone know where he lives? Thanks!

  20. 21 JBo February 25, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    Okay I’m over whatever mood I was in yesterday.

    My manager at work and I came up with this theory: RYAN MILLER IS COMPLETELY FINE. This is Lindy’s little mindgame to the team to realize they can’t rely on Miller. So until then, Crunchy is up sitting in that weird side pressbox with his foot propped up on a pillow and sipping some fruity drink with a little umbrella in it. :)

  21. 22 JBo February 25, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    Chaz, according to his site, he lives just blocks from that plane crash site, so just go there and plot out a 10 mile radius. Simple as that. :)


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