TWC Top to Bottom Review: Lindy Ruff

(This post is the first in a series which will examine the role and performance of each member of the Sabres organization.  I had intended to start at the bottom, and work my way up through the ranks, but in Lindy’s case, I feel there is a certain….urgency.  Bucky Gleason has been writing about shadowy “rumors” swirling around HSBC arena that Lindy is about to get canned.  I don’t believe it, and I’m reeeeally uncomfortable hoping anything Bucky writes is true, but I want to make sure I got Lindy’s review done with enough time for Larry Quinn to use it in his top to bottom organizational analysis.  I’m just trying to help.)

Name: Lindebald Ruff

Position: Head coach

Length of time in current position: 10 million years

Career high point: Stanley Cup Finals 1999

Career low point: meeting Derek Roy

2008-09 grade: C-   The Sabres missed the playoffs and were generally grody.

Areas of strength: yellow mustache upkeep, basic awesomeness, wry interviews, Tetris, uncanny ability to convince everyone he’s an infallible genius (possible warlock or jedi?), scowling, and salsa dancing.

Areas of weakness: forearms, application of “the system”, getting the Sabres into the playoffs, and adding fractions.

General comments: Lindy Ruff is a beloved citizen of Buffalo, in fact, he may well be the most beloved citizen of Buffalo.  However, after twelve years of uninterrupted adoration, Lindy’s death grip on our hearts and minds has suddenly loosened.  Buffalonians, distraught over missing the playoffs for the second straight year, are suddenly questioning everything they once held dear, and OPENLY saying things like, “Well…..maybe it’s time.”

“Well……maybe it’s time,” may not seem like a significant statement of discontent, but when compared to sweet caress of the velveteen kid gloves Lindy’s enjoyed for the bulk of his career, whispering “Well….maybe it’s time,” is akin to gathering outside his home with pitchforks and torches.  It’s practically a declaration of war.

Lindy’s team has been uninspired, disorganized, and generally fragile for two seasons now.  The reasons for this are many, most of them certainly not his fault, but one cannot help but think, “Well…..maybe it’s time.”   There is no doubt that some portion of the team is ignoring him, and I suspect that there are those who are actively rebelling (hint: Blerek Bloy).  So…..maybe it’s time.

On the other hand, you’re not going to find a more yellow-haired coach in the NHL.  The Sabres should think long and hard about everything that Lindy’s yellow hair brings to the table before they go firing people all willy nilly.

REQUIRED SUMMER HOMEWORK: There is one hope, and one hope only for Lindy Ruff if he wants to continue coaching a team that includes Vanek, Roy, and Pominville.   Lindy must undergo a complete personality overhaul. I know, I know, we like Lindy.  He seems like such a cool guy, but if we want him to stay, some things have got to change.  I’m not saying any of this is his fault, but things are what they are.  The problems with this roster run too deep to suggest that moving a few players would provide enough help.  Lindy’s got to do his part too.

Lindy’s Assignments:

1.  Lindy must dye his hair black, because as much as the fans love his yellowness, he looks like a baby chick.  Derek Roy doesn’t want to be coached by a baby chick, and frankly, I don’t blame him.

2. Lindy must be bitten by a radioactive spider and/or a vampire.  Right now, when Lindy gets angry he has very little credibility with the team.  They are unfazed by Lindy’s hollering.  The only way to fix this problem is to up the ante with the threat of blood sucking and/or a spider-like ass kicking.

3. Lindy must acquire and learn how to use a taser.

4. Lindy must finish his doctoral dissertation once and for all.  It’s an embarrassment and a scandal that the Sabres have been coached for all these years by a non-PhD.

5. Lindy must undergo hypnosis so that he forgets everything he knows about the current Sabres roster.  This is for his own good.

6. Lindy must fight an ogre and win.

____________

If Lindy is able to complete these tasks I feel he would be a changed man and therefore qualified to continue coaching the Sabres.  Otherwise, he should probably be fired so that he can be hired by the MInnesota Wild.  I’ve tried so many times to love the Wild (I’m a native Minnesotan) but due to their extreme Lemairishness, I’ve had a very difficult time wacthing them play.  If Lindy became the coach of the Wild everyone would win.  Lindy would like it in the Twin Cities and the team is nearly as loyal to their coaches as the Sabres, the Sabres would get a fresh start, and I’d still get to enjoy Lindy’s appealing yellowness from behind the bench of a team I enjoy.  Plus, the Wild would get a good coach in Lindy Ruff.

Lindy is a good man, a good coach, and an good guy to have around, but he’s just not clicking with the team that his BFF Darcy Regier signed to long term contracts.  So…..maybe it’s time.  If it’s not time, Lindy needs to get to work on his ogre slaying skills, asap.

11 Responses to “TWC Top to Bottom Review: Lindy Ruff”


  1. 1 Heather B. April 15, 2009 at 10:35 pm

    :^::::::::::::::::::::::: to this whole post. This really is all Derek Roy’s fault, the little bastard.

  2. 2 Katebits April 15, 2009 at 10:39 pm

    Heather, I canNOT wait to do Roy-Z review. It’s going to be very grand in scale I think. :D

  3. 3 Mags April 16, 2009 at 1:35 am

    :^::::::::::::: Excellent, Katebits, excellent.

    I have to disagree on one count though: Lindy cannot go to the Wild. I’m sorry, but that’s Kevin Constantine’s job. You’ll love him, trust me.

  4. 4 Amy April 16, 2009 at 7:16 am

    There would be one tiny positive to Lindy getting canned by the Sabres: he would be able to showcase his mad salsa dancing skills on Dancing With the Stars.

    Lindy must acquire and learn how to use a taser.

    And an unlimited supply of batteries, since there’s a very high chance that he could run through the original ones during the first day of training camp.

  5. 5 Jaime April 16, 2009 at 11:01 am

    I’m not very good at fractions either.

  6. 6 Katebits April 16, 2009 at 11:47 am

    Amy, can’t you just see Lindy in a ruffled sunset-hued shirt getting ready to dance his heart out? It’s ridiculously easy to imagine for me.

    Jaime, I can’t really blame Lindy for the fractions thing.

  7. 7 CrotchetyOriginalSam April 16, 2009 at 2:39 pm

    The Wild opening may not be Kevin Constantine’s to lose anymore, Mags. GM Doug Risebrough was fired this morning, to the surprise and delight of basically every hockey fan in Minnesota. There’s a pretty good chance that a new GM (unless it’s Tom Lynn, who’s been Risebrough’s #2 for years) would want a coach from outside the organization.

    If you ask me, Katebits should get the GM job and hire Lindy as her coach. Hell, she convinced a Wild beer vendor to pour us an unauthorized jumbo-size Summit last December, and that was without any GM authority whatsoever! Clearly, this organization is crying out for the Caboose’s leadership…

  8. 8 Katebits April 16, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    There is no way being an NHL GM is any harder than convincing the beer vendor to pour us unauthorized beers. No way at all. I accept that job!

  9. 9 CrotchetyOriginalSam April 16, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    By the way, this from the Star Tribune’s Mike Russo on the Risebrough firing: “Simply, what Risebrough accomplished here — and yes, he made an expansion team competitive — didn’t warrant a job for life.”

    If that’s not an affirmation of your stance on Lindy Ruff, I don’t know what is.

  10. 10 Katebits April 17, 2009 at 12:37 am

    Sam, that’s a perfect way of putting it. I don’t believe that what Lindy’s done here warrants a job for life. That doesn’t mean I can’t also see he’s pretty awesome.


  1. 1 Friday Links! « First Time Caller, Long Time Listener Trackback on April 17, 2009 at 6:26 am

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