He’s Tall AND Persuasive

Scene: Lindy’s porch.  Lindy and Tyler Myers are drinking some frosty beers.

Lindy: Dude, Tyler.  Everyone is talking about you.  Should we keep you up?  Should we send you back to the juniors (where you apparently own the league)?  Are you the future of the franchise?  WHAT ARE THE SABRES GOING TO DO WITH TYLER MYERS?!  It’s kind of redonk.

Tyler Myers: Totally redonk.  (looking down at beer in hand) I don’t think I’m old enough to drink, Lindy.

Lindy: Seriously?  How old are you?

Tyler Myers: I’m thirteen.

Lindy: YOU’RE THIRTEEN?!  FOR THE LOVE OF LINDY RUFF, YOU’RE WAY TOO YOUNG FOR THE NHL!

Tyler Myers: No, no, I’m just kidding.  I’m nineteen.

Lindy: Oh….well, that’s not THAT young.

Tyler Myers: That’s what I keep telling everyone!

Lindy: You made some poor choices with the puck on Thursday, kiddo.

Tyler Myers: Well, that’s gonna happen, sir.  I’m a dumb nineteen year old. My doctor says my brains haven’t fully grown in yet.

Lindy: Thank goodness, because you’re kind of stupid on the ice….no offense.

Tyler Myers: None taken.  My brains are underdeveloped…. but not my arms.  I can reach clear across the rink with my stick.

Lindy I saw that.  Pretty sweet.

Tyler Myers: Plus, that was just the first preseason game.  And Lindy, I think I showed that I’m capable of improving quickly in juniors.

Lindy That’s true, you did.

Tyler Myers: And it’s not like you’d be breaking up The World’s Greatest Blueline in order to give me a shot.  These guys kind of suck.

Lindy: (nodding) They sure do.

Tyler Myers: All I ask is that you just let me play for the full preseason and then the 9 NHL games before you decide to banish me to the junior for another year.  Just give me a chance.  I’m sick of juniors.

Lindy: From what I’ve seen of junior hockey I really don’t blame you.

Tyler Myers: Heather B says I need to “fill out”.

Lindy: Well, Lord knows I love Heather B, and she’s got a good point, but what if we’d kept Crunchy down in the AHL until he filled out? He’d still be there!

Tyler Myers: That guy is crazy skinny.

Lindy: (stroking his yellow goatee while contemplating) You know what? You and Crunchy can share your weight gain protein shakes.  You can get one shake with two straws.  That would be adorable!

Tyler Myers: And if I still suck after a month, or I refuse to drink my protein shakes, you can STILL SEND ME BACK.

Lindy: True.

(pause)

Tyler Myers: (taking a swig from his beer) Beer is delicious.

Lindy: Now, see?  You’re SUCH a fast learner, and that beer will fatten you up in NO time.  You’re on you way, kid.

Tyler Myers: Thanks, Lindy.

Lindy: BUT, if you still suck in a month, you do have to go back to juniors.

Tyler Myers: No prob.

Lindy: Alrighty then.  It’s all settled.  And by “all settled” I mean “not settled at all”.

Tyler Myers: Perfect.

Mike Weber: Lindy, there IS another option.  You could go the delayed gratification route.

Lindy: Hm.  That’s true.  It’s funny watching youngsters have to wait for things they desperately want.  Especially via hidden camera.

Tyler Myers: Please don’t do that to me.

Lindy: But it WOULD be fun….

The End

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14 Responses to “He’s Tall AND Persuasive”


  1. 1 Heather B. September 19, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    If Crunchy was a defenseman I’d being griping about him filling out too :P

  2. 2 Heather B. September 19, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    Oh, that video is adorable. The little blonde kid on the preview screen was the best. He looked like staring at that marshmallow was killing his soul. Is that how all kids in juniors look while watching NHL games? Because it’s pretty funny.

  3. 3 Schnookie September 19, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    This post is ridiculous. Tyler Myers’s fate needs to be decided RIGHT NOW! :P

  4. 4 Katebits September 19, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    Is that how all kids in juniors look while watching NHL games?

    I sure of it! :P

  5. 5 Amy September 19, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    My doctor says my brains haven’t fully grown in yet.

    Hahaha!

    That could be used as a defense in a court of law if he ever pulls a Pat Kane.

  6. 6 Patty (in Dallas) September 19, 2009 at 11:16 pm

    Oh my gosh. I saw that video the other day. That marshmallow is SO metaphorical.

  7. 7 Katebits September 19, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    The marshmallow is SO many things. Some of those kids (especially the one Heather was talking about) are so comically tortured by it. I can relate (but probably not over a marshmallow- heh).

  8. 8 Heather B. September 20, 2009 at 10:19 am

    On second viewing, I’m amused by how many kids take little teeny bites. “If I just accidentally miss my flight back to juniors, no one will even notice!”

    I also love the girl who’s already shoved the marshmallow in her mouth while the moderator is still explaining the rules. Delay that, beeyotch!

  9. 9 Katebits September 20, 2009 at 11:00 am

    Heahther, :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I liked how so many of held the marshmallow up to their mouths as if they were GOING to bite into it, only to pull it away at the last minute with a lot of pained turmoil. If I PRETEND I’m about to be in the NHL, if I go so far as to say outloud “I’m not going back to Portland” maybe it will be true. Here I go! I’m going to do it! I’m about to eat his marshmallow! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

  10. 10 Heather B. September 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

    Okay, I promise I will stop commenting about this video eventually but I just googled “Marshmallow Test” and did some reading and it turns out they did this test at Stanford in the 60’s and kids who held out on the first marshmallow were generally more successful in their academic and work careers than the kids who caved. So maybe Lindy SHOULD do this with Myers. Making him stand at the end of the bench while watching Mike Weber leap in and out of action with the Sabres all season will, in the long run, be good for him! And then when Lindy finally tells him he can go in, he’ll shove TWO forwards into his mouth instead of just one.

    (In one variation of the test they used a plate of cookies. One kid looked around, made sure no one was watching, carefully pulled an Oreo apart, licked off all the icing, put the Oreo back together, and put it back in its spot on the tray. Awesome.)

  11. 11 Katebits September 20, 2009 at 12:01 pm

    And then when Lindy finally tells him he can go in, he’ll shove TWO forwards into his mouth instead of just one.

    :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That’s the best argument I’ve heard for sending Myers back yet.

  12. 12 mcguffers September 20, 2009 at 7:21 pm

    Figures the redhead would just say “Fuck it” and eat it.

  13. 13 Patty (in Dallas) September 20, 2009 at 11:47 pm

    One kid looked around, made sure no one was watching, carefully pulled an Oreo apart, licked off all the icing, put the Oreo back together, and put it back in its spot on the tray. Awesome.

    That kid probably did well, too. But not in a conventional way. :D

  14. 14 Alli Suriani September 20, 2009 at 11:59 pm

    If you blog had a facebook style ‘like’ option I would so click it right now.


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