Now listen up. The ruggedness of hockey players is one of the things I love most about them. I love how they’re all messy, and scarred, and overall kind of gross. Black eyes? Love ‘em. Stitches? Hottttttt.
But, I am sorry to say, there is nothing sexy about not having teeth. Nothing. at. all.
I have many times mused that I LOVE the Sabres for managing to keep their teeth, or at the very least, wearing their dentures at all times. (I can hear some of you screeching at home, “THEY’RE SOFT! The Sabres have all of their teeth because they’re PANSIES and THEY NEVER HIT ANYONE!” Now, calm down, you people. This may be true- the Sabres ARE soft- but it’s beside the point in this case.) I don’t know if all the Sabres just happen to have all have their teeth, or if at some point Darcy Regier was like, “Look, you little jerks. If you can’t be good at hockey, you have to at LEAST be attractive. Wear your dentures at all times or you’re fired,” and I don’t care. All I know is that I like my Sabres with teeth, and until recently, they were able to satisfy my tooth needs.
Tim Kennedy, congratulations on making the team. I’m super excited about you. Please buy a new tooth.