Crunchy Calls TWC

Guess what, you guys!  Ryan Miller called me up earlier today and told me he wanted to give TWC an exclusive interview!  I know!  This is so exciting and unexpected!  I mean sure, Ryan is a nice guy, but who would ever expect him to go out of his way to give a lowly blogger an interview?  It’s almost too good to be true!

_________________

Here’s the transcript of our conversation:

(phone rings)

Katebits: (answers phone) You’ve reached TWC headquarters.  Whenever there’s trouble, we’re there on the double.  How may I direct your call?

Ryan Miller: I’d like to speak to Katebits.

Katebits: Speaking.

Ryan Miller: This is Crunchy.

Katebits: Shut up, Heather.  I know it’s you.  STOP PRANK CALLING ME, BEEYOTCH. (hangs up)

(phone rings)

Katebits: (answers phone) You’ve reached TWC headquarters.  Whenever there’s trouble, we’re there on the double.  How may I direct your call?

Ryan Miller: I’d like to speak to Katebits

Katebits: Speaking.

Ryan Miller: This is CrunchyDON’THANGUP!

Katebits: Heather, I’m serious.  I’m gonna call the cops.  Leave me alone.

Ryan Miller: I SWEAR I’M CRUNCHY.

Katebits: Oh really?  Well, if you’re Crunchy, tell me something only Crunchy would know.

Ryan Miller: Lindy Ruff wears a mustache toupee.

Katebits: OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!  Holy mackerel.  That’s scandalous.  Hm.  Well, that’s proof enough for me that this is Ryan Miller.

Ryan Miller: Please, call me Crunchy.

Katebits: Thank you.  I will.  So, Crunchy, how may I help you?

Ryan Miller: I just wanted to tell you that I am going to win the gold for SURE.  Like, for SUPER DUPER MEGA FOR SURE.  I guarantee it.  You can write that down on your blog.  ALSO, my girlfriend is going to win an Oscar.  AND as god is my witness, by this time next year, I will be able to fly. You have my personal guarantee.

Katebits: (furiously scribbling all of the information down) Okay, let me make sure I’ve got all of this- You are guaranteeing that the Americans will win gold, that your girlfriend will win an Oscar, and that you will learn to fly by the end of the year?

Ryan Miller: Correct.

Katebits: How are you going to fly?  That seems like a REALLY difficult task.

Ryan Miller: I can’t really get into the details, but I’m in the early stages of an experimental treatment which will generate wings. You can write that down on your blog.

Katebits: You’re growing wings?

Ryan Miller: Correct.

Katebits: Wow.  This is going to be the blog scoop of the century.  It seems so out of character for you to be making such bold predictions.  Ordinarily you’re pretty careful not to sound too cocky.

Ryan Miller: Well this time I AM cocky.  I’m cocksure, if you will.  You can write that down on your blog.

Katebits: Alright, Crunchy.  I’ll put all of this on the blog, exactly as you told it to me.

Ryan Miller: Thank you, Katebits.  Also, Baba Booey.

Katebits: Sure thing, Crunchy.  Thanks for calling in. Best of luck tomorrow, and….Baba Booey, to you and your family as well.

(Katebits hangs up)

______________

So, there you have if folks!  We’re WINNING THE GOLD TOMORROW!  WOOOOOOOOOO!!!

______________

INCREDIBLY DISTURBING UPDATE: It turns out that WASN’T Ryan Miller.  It was that BEEYOTCH, Heather B*, pranking me. AGAIN.

The Willful Caboose would like to apologize to Ryan Miller for misrepresenting his name.  We would also like to apologize to his girlfriend, and to the scientists who are feverishly working to grow him wings.  We deeply regret this mistake.

______________

*We would also like to apologize to Heather B, who had absolutely nothing to do with this post.  We have no choice but to admit, that in this particular instance, she is not a beeyotch.

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10 Responses to “Crunchy Calls TWC”


  1. 1 Janz February 27, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    Hopefully the real Crunchy will now grant you an interview to accept your apology and keep his reputation intact.

  2. 2 SueInVirginia February 27, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    LOL!

  3. 3 Jessica February 27, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    HAHA. Good one sister!

  4. 4 Amy February 27, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    You had me at “mustache toupee.”

  5. 5 Grrrreg February 28, 2010 at 4:52 am

    Ahahahaha! The mustache toupee is a fantastic idea. Great post!

  6. 6 Heather B February 28, 2010 at 9:32 am

    Kate, I’ve heard a rumor that Lindy’s going to be calling you tonight if Canada wins so stay by the phone!

  7. 7 mcguffers February 28, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Well, maybe not the gold medal, but definitely the Oscar and of course the flying.

  8. 8 Katebits February 28, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    Heather, WHERE is Lindy?! You said he’d call! :P

  9. 9 reigningfrog March 1, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    This may be my favorite TWC post EVER!


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