Archive for April, 2010

Final Analysis

Is anyone else feeling a surprising lack of fiery rage/disappointment over the end of the Sabres season?  I keep starting and stopping serious-minded posts where I attempt to dissect the Sabres and their playoff appearance, but honestly, I’m just not that inspired by any of it.

I had fun this season.  You can’t win ‘em all, you know?

The Body is Getting Cold

Tonight I was hoping to go to the arena and see the Sabres play game seven, but sadly, game 7 withered and died when it was just a twinkle in our mind’s eye.  Game 7 never had a chance to grow up and see the arena, and this is a tragedy.

Poop.

What We Should Have Done

Like all Sabres fans, I’ve spent the better part of today wondering, “What went wrong?  How did this happen?”

Before this series began, I didn’t know what to expect.  This was my first experience with the fast pace of the playoffs, and even though the series outcome was ultimately disappointing, I think I learned a lot.  For example, I can now definitively tell you, based on my experience as a fan, that getting knocked out of the first round of the playoffs BLOWS.  I canNOT recommend that your team get eliminated by a division rival in the first round.  No siree.  If someone asks you if you’d like to see your team lose to the Bruins in round one, you should say, “NO,” loud and clear.

This might be confusing for some, so I’ve compiled a list of possible scenarios and suggestions for how you should react should any of these scenarios arise.  Hopefully, if you follow these scripts, we can avoid this kind of devastating loss in the future.

___________

Scenario #1

Tim Connolly: Hey, Sabres fan!  How would you feel about watching me skate around doing nothing for an entire playoff series?
You: BAD.  PLEASE DON’T DO THAT.
Tim Connolly: What if, after it was all over, I told you I was comPLETEly healthy?
You: What?  No!  If you suck you better be hurt!
Tim Connolly: Nope!
You: No thanks, man.

___________

Scenario #2

Chara: Hello, Buffalo!  I hear your babies are tender and delicious.  I would like to eat them in front of you.  Is this alright with you?
You: No, Chara.  You may NOT eat our babies.

___________

Scenario #3

Lindy Ruff: I have a job for life!
Darcy Regier: It’s true, he does!
You: I’m not cool with this.
Lindy Ruff: And that’s why you’re BENCHED.
You: You can’t bench me.
Darcy: Yes he can.  You…benched.
Lindy Ruff: And you know what else?  Scoring goals is for weenies!  CASE CLOSED!
You: I am 100% opposed to you right now.

___________

Scenario #4

Boychuk: I’m going to take out your best player.
You: ….Mike Grier?
Boychuk: NO NOT MIKE GRIER, THOMAS VANEK!  I’m going to hobble Vanek.  What do you think of that?
You: I am NOT IN FAVOR of that, you unbelievable bastard.

___________

Scenario #5

Jochen Hecht’s pinky: I am a delicate flower.  Long and tapered.  So pretty.
You: Are you required for playing hockey?
Jochen Hecht’s pinky: Surprisingly, yes.
You: Here.  Take these steroids.

___________

Scenario #6

Thomas Vanek: I’m going to singlehandedly win this series for the Sabres!
You: Hell yeah you are!  WOOO!
Thomas Vanek: ….unless I get hurt.
You: Are you going to get hurt?!
Thomas Vanek: Yeeeah.  I am.
You: NO!  BAD PLAN!  THAT’S A BAD PLAN!

___________

Scenario #7

Torres: Hello.
You: Uh, hi McCormick.
Torres: My name is Torres.  I was good in Columbus.  Darcy traded for me at the deadline.
You: Whatever, McCormick.  Whatever.

___________

Scenario #8

Crunchy: Hey, fan.  I think I’m going to shave my beard into a mustache.
You: That is a GREAT idea.
Crunchy: I know.  But…I hate to tell you this, but my mustache won’t make the powerplay any better.
You: I find that hard to believe.
Crunchy: Believe it.
You: Well then, I think you should shave your facial hair into a shape that WILL make the powerplay better.
Crunchy: Good idea!

___________

Scenario #9

Derek Roy:  Remember how we never gave up leads during the regular season?
You: Yeah.
Derek Roy: What if during the playoffs, we DID give up leads?  Wouldn’t that be exciting?
You: No.  Absolutely not.  That would NOT be exciting.  NO.
Derek Roy: So, we should give up leads then?
You: NO, DO NOT GIVE UP LEADS.
Derek Roy: I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying, so I’m just going to go ahead and let the Bruins catch up.
You: NO.  DO NOT DO THAT.
Derek Roy: Okay then.  Giving up the lead, it is.
You: NO! NO! NO! NO!  KEEP THE LEAD.
Derek Roy: Leads are lame.  I hear you loud and clear.
*this is when you should strangle Derek Roy*

___________

Scenario #10

Hockey Gods: Would you rather miss the playoffs altogether, or watch the Sabres get creamed by a division rival?
You: I want them to make the playoffs.
Hockey Gods: Good call.  Stay strong, Sabres fan.
You: Do I have any choice?
Hockey God: Nope.

___________

I hope this helps, dear reader!  Next year we’re going to have to work together to avoid getting knocked out in the first round.  If we stick to the system, we can succeed (…next year).

Deep Breath

Okay, I can’t stand the idea that people might get up in the morning, and come here to my blog (possibly for the first time) and find a picture of a sad puppy followed by a post of many lines of “Let’s go Buff-a-lo,” so, I’m going to try to write something using my brain.

Here we go.

Brain….activate!

……You know what?  I can’t use my brain tonight.  I’m going to use my feelings. (I know.  Barf.)

Feelings……activate!

Well, that sucked.  I was hoping for a lot more, and I’m sure you were too. I can’t make heads or tails of the Sabres right now, but I would like to say this:  This year was a lot more fun than last.  Ultimately, it was a disappointment, but hell, I better get used to it because this is what I signed up for when I willingly became a Buffalo sports fan.

Usually I’m one of the first in line to pile on the Sabres when they suck, but I’m just not feeling it tonight.  I need to let the air clear before I kick them when they’re down (the kicks are coming, don’t you worry, dear reader).

Truthfully, I loved this season.  There was more hope this year than I’ve ever experienced before as a Sabres fan.  There was the sense that this is a team that’s improving.  There were season tickets!  (Sorry, that one is a little Katebits-specific)  There was inspired goaltending.  There was a killer rookie.  And most importantly, there was a playoff car flag.

The end came too soon.  That’s for sure.  We have maaaany weeks to discuss the-end-that-came-too-soon.

Tonight I just want to say, thank you for coming to this blog and for sharing your thoughts about this (irksome) team.  I am good and bummed, but I love the Sabres, and I love sharing my experiences as a fan with my fellow Buffalonians.

(PS- Stay away from Twitter tonight because it’s really surly in there.)

(PPS- We can start firing everyone tomorrow.  And I do mean EVERYONE [except Myers, Ennis, Goose, Miller, and Vanek.]  If we can’t fire them, we’ll trade them all for Iginla.

(PPS- Tomorrow we can also being begging Mike Grier not to leave us in Buffalo, alone with these bozos.  Please don’t leave, Mike Grier.  Please, please, please don’t leave.)

Oh…

Here We Go Again!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

3 Things

1. Before this series began, I didn’t really think the Sabres would win the Cup, but I also hadn’t given any thought to how the end would look.  Satan’s OT goal forced me consider the “end” for the first time, and it wasn’t pretty. I’m so happy that the Sabres won game five, not just because it was an elimination game, but because that was NO way for the end to look.

I was miserable thinking that the Sabres might go out with a sad, sad whimper, but I feel a lot better now.  The decisive win cured me of my weariness, and now I feel prepared for anything.

2. Win one more game, Sabres!

One hilarious side effect of being down 3-1 has been my sudden and complete devotion to the expression, “one game at a time.” I’m like Pommerdoodle over here, constantly spouting sports clichés. I don’t think I ever really understood the true meaning of “one game at a time” until it became my lifeline between games 4 and 5. Now I’m a believer, and I’ll bite your head off if you talk too much about “game seven”. The will of the Hockey Gods is ONE. GAME. AT. A. TIME. This is how it must be.

3. I’m pleased and shocked to report that there is GRASS growing where I sprinkled the grass seed on my lawn.  I know.  It’s a miracle.

WAAAAHOOOOOOOO!

I didn’t actually watch the game because I was at a rehearsal.  I’ll watch the game in the morning, but there is one thing I already KNOW FOR SURE.

It’s VERY important to stick to the system.

FEAR THE ‘STACHE!

Here We Go

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!

11 Things

1. I feel some obligation to try to cheer you guys up, but I’m not going to lie, I don’t have much in the tank today.  That was a gen-u-wine heartbreaker last night.  My heart feels gen-u-winely heavy, and my mood is gen-u-winely grim. I’ve decided to award myself one day of wallowing before I brush myself off and try to muster up some enthusiasm for game 5. Today is that day. Sorry, guys.

2. I just need to take one moment for a minor temper tantrum.  WHAT THE HELL, HOCKEY GODS?!  This is not how this was supposed to go. *crosses arms and stomps foot*

3. I have a million things to say about the game, but I’m going to try to keep it brief:  I thought for the most part the Sabres played well last night.  They got royally screwed by the refs on a few calls, but I also think the Sabres should be tough enough to kill those penalties and use the PK to get the momentum back.  The Bruins also played well, and Tuukka Rask is definitely no slouch.  The biggest problem with last night’s game (besides the fact that we have Connolly, Roy, and Pominville on our team) is that it was, in essence, a must-win.  The Sabres played poorly in games 2 and 3, so game 4 was a must-win.  Taken at face value (even taking the lost 2-goal lead into account), last night was probably one of those “You can’t win ‘em all” games.  You really CAN’T win them all, which is why you HAVE to win the ones you can.  (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, GAMES 2 and 3.  I’M LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU.)

If the game hadn’t felt like a punch SQUARE TO THE MOST SENSITIVE AREA OF MY HEART, I’d be able to admit that it was a hell of a game.  But, since I’m still smarting and clutching my chest in anguish 16 hours later, I have to give that game two big thumbs down.

So, screw you, game.

4. Honestly, I thought Lindy’s postgame was kind of embarrassing.  There were bad calls last night, FOR SURE, and I assume he was just trying to protect his players, but…. “Case closed”?  Really?  Case closed?   The only way “case closed” would’ve worked as a closing zinger is if Lindy had pulled a little judge’s gavel out of his pocket and slammed the table with it.  Now THAT, I could respect…. at the very least for its comedic value.

5. On the bright side- Tyler Ennis looked great.  I actually found myself thinking, “It’s too bad we don’t have anyone good enough to play with that guy!”

6. How freaking much could we have used Jochen Hecht last night?  DAMN HIM AND HIS GIRLY FINGERS. *shaking fist at the sky*

7. If the Sabres go on to lose this series, (which…you know….) I’m going to be really heartbroken for Ryan Miller.  And not to pick at old wounds, but GODDAMN IT I wish he had won that gold medal.  I think the Sabres would be easier to deal with now if I knew that Crunchy already had a gold medal at home.  I want that guy to be rewarded.  I don’t want him to be sad.

8. I’m sorry this post is so cranky and not funny.  I really am.

9. Whenever I’m feeling surly like this, I have a few videos I like to watch to perk me back up. Here are some of my favorites, all of which I’ve already posted on TWC in the past. Desperate times call for desperate measures.


I used to have this downloaded onto my computer in super high resolution. I could watch it in full screen and it looked amazing. I somehow lost the file, and I can’t seem to find a place to download it anywhere, but this is a pretty good YouTube version of the Sony Bravia bouncy ball commercial.


This one NEVER ever ever fails to make me laugh.  EVER.  I just love it so much.


Hockey Night in Canada on the ukulele


Another one of my all-time favorite things on the internet.

10. It’s really a shame that the Sabres are so down and out, because my playoff beard has grown in so well.

11. Okay, now that I’ve bitched a bit, watched a few videos, and considered life without this dumb beard, I actually do feel a little better.  Writing a blog can be such good therapy.  The Sabres are not eliminated yet.  We’re beaten down, bedraggled, and SERIOUSLY cranky, but we’re not dead yet.  Hopefully we can win tomorrow, but if we’re going to go down in 5, let’s at least maim some Bruins on the way out.

Let’s go Buff-a-lo.


…A Blog About the Buffalo Sabres

Observations 2
I can be reached at: willfulcaboose [at] gmail [dot] com

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In accordance with the Fair Use Copyright Law, The Willful Caboose uses logos and registered trademarks of the National Hockey League to convey my criticism and inform the public of the Sabres' suckitude/badassitude (whatever the case may be). Photos on The Willful Caboose are used without permission, but do not interfere with said owner's profit. If you own a specific image on this site and want it removed, please e-mail me (willfulcaboose [at] gmail [dot] com) and I will be more than happy willing to oblige. (Special thanks to The Pensblog for their help with this disclaimer.)

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