Last night Heather B. and I had a long convoluted conversation on twitter. If you follow both of us, and you happened to be lurking quietly on twitter at about 12:30am, you probably saw the entire conversation unfold. If that’s case, I apologize for subjecting you to this nonsense for a second time. But the rest of you HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS, because Heather and I are GENIUSES.
Hearing Thomas Vanek speaking German was a revelation for me. How have I never fully realized that Vanek is AUSTRIAN?! He’s AUSTRIAN, you guys! That explains EVERYTHING. Of course I knew before last night that Vanek is Austrian, but something about seeing him sternly lecturing those little school children in a language I don’t understand really drove the point home. You can take the boy out of Austria, but you can’t take the Austria out of the boy. Vanek came to North America when he was 14, and he eventually became a Golden Gopher. I think I’ve been thinking about him as a Minnesotan all this time.
When you’re suddenly all, “Ooooh, riiiight. He’s AUSTRIAN,” about a dude, naturally, the first thing you’re going to do is ask yourself, “Is Vanek, in fact, exactly like Captain Von Trapp?”
Let’s go to the video….
Vanek IS exactly like Captain Von Trapp!
I’ll admit, Vanek is not as nearly as handsome as Captain Von Trapp, and as much as I wish it were otherwise, his singing voice is atrocious, but you’ve GOT to admit that there are plenty of other similarities. He’s a reluctant leader, he’s grouchy for no apparent reason, he HATES singing, he’s completely humorless, and while I don’t know this to be true, it seems VERY likely that Vanek calls his children with a dog whistle.
Heather suggested that maybe Vanek is so grouchy because Pommers and Roy-Z don’t respond to the whistle properly, which led to us comparing all the Sabres to characters in “The Sound of Music”. (Heather hilariously suggested that Roy-Z is Liesl. [He thinks he knows everything now that he's sixteen.]) We quickly deduced that perhaps the biggest problem with the Sabres is that they have no obvious Maria. How can a hockey team find love, win the Stanley Cup, become a musical sensation, and escape from the Nazis if they have no Maria?!
Mike Grier seems to us to be the closest thing we’ve got to a Maria…..which is hilarious when you think about it. Ryan Miller also briefly played the role of Maria when we started imagining Goose, Tyler Myers and Butts wearing wimples and singing, “How do you Solve a Problem Like Crunchy?”
So, there we were, casting all the Sabres in “The Sound Of Music,” when Heather had the funniest idea in the history of EVER. The Sabres goal song should be “Climb Every Mountain.” I KNOW. SHE’S A GENIUS.
I urge you to press play on this video so you can remember for yourself HOW MUCH THIS SONG KICKS ASS. The goal celebration music should start at the 1:44 mark.
I’m sure you will agree that “Climb Every Mountain” is THE BEST GOAL SONG EVER. It’s rousing, it’s inspirational, it’s soaring, and it’s sung by a WARBLING NUN! WHAT COULD BE BETTER?!
In addition to being hilarious and TOTALLY AWESOME, “Climb Every Mountain” would be EXCELLENT for annoying Roy-Z and Timmeh. I feel like 9 and 19 really think they’re too cool for school, and the best thing for them would be to have to celebrate goals to the sound of a nun belting out an inspirational melody about perseverance.
The Sabres are back tonight! If all goes well, maybe this is the year the Sabres actually WILL climb every mountain. Happy Hockey, Dear Readers!
Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!