Punchy

Well, I think we can all agree that last night’s game against the Blue Jackets was awesome and that the Sabres are never going to lose again.  (Full disclosure: I’m rushing to get this post finished within the next few minutes so that it can be published before the eternally lame Senators swoop in to challenge the “The Sabres are never going to lose again” theory.  If the Sabres do win tonight, they really AREN’T ever going to lose again.)

I attended the game with the always-hilarious Jessica and it was one of the best times evvvver.

There are roughly ten million things to discuss when the Sabres are the triumphant kickers in a thorough ass-kicking such as the one we all enjoyed last night, but time is short, so I’ll cut right to the chase.

“I’m all done kicking your ass now.  It was super easy.  Who’s next?”

First of all, let’s just all admit it.  Even the most ardent Kaleta fans had no idea Pat could do that.  That was….terrifying.  And amazing.  And hot.  And revolting.  That was me alternating between blood thirsty howls of approval and cringing in my arena chair thinking, “Holy Mary, Mother of Lindy Ruff.  Kaleta is trying to kill that guy.  Kill him, as in dead.”

And THEN, after the incredible flurry of punching was over, Patrick Kaleta leapt to his feet and did the douchiest thing I have ever seen. He theatrically washed his hands for our benefit, using the universal sign for, “Let me hear your roars of approval, Sabres fans.  I am a douche, but I am your douche, and I am mighty.”

And roar we did, for our beloved Douche King.

I was so taken aback and taken with the gesture that I’ve been making it all day.  Pretty much all day long I’ve been doing the, “Kaleta hand wash” gesture to mark my meager accomplishments.

This morning when I put my dirty coffee cup in the sink?

“All done with my coffee, bitches.  I’ll load the dishwasher when I’m damn good and ready.”

During the dress rehearsal this morning after we finished running the Brahms?

“Brahms, you’re the best, but you’re really no match for me.  I will play all your notes and then I will punch you in the face a few extra times for good measure.  Don’t act like you don’t like it, Brahms.”

At Home Depot, picking out a gigantic flower-pot to go with my new gigantic plant?

“Flower pot, I’m going to buy you, and then I’m going to take you home, and I’m going to fill you with dirt and a giant plant and I’m going to put you in the corner.  I’ll put you in the corner WHERE YOU BELONG, BEEYAAAAACH!

After mailing my Netflix back?

“That’s RIGHT, West Wing Season 3 Disc 3, I watched your ass, and now I’m sending you back to the Netflix headquarters.  FEEL MY POWER!”

_________

I should warn you in advance.  I intend to get a lot of mileage out of this one.

“I wrote a blog post, mofos!  KNEEL BEFORE ME AND REJOICE.”

 

5 Responses to “Punchy”


  1. 1 lifeinspoons December 4, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    I felt the same way watching that event unfold. It was almost surreal. I think it put me in shock. I didn’t think anyone could be that big of a douche. I’d despise Kaleta if he was on some other team, so thankfully he’s on ours.

    At the same time, other teams seem to think they can push the Sabres around (mostly because they really can…), but this should give them second thoughts! That’s right! We’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore!

  2. 2 Kathleen December 4, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    HAAAAAAAH!!!! I think that picture has many caption-worthy miles left in it. Do your worst. :P

  3. 3 Matt December 4, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    Oh that’s right, you never saw Tie Domi fight Bob Probert, with the best fight-win douche-signal ever; The Championship Belt!

  4. 4 kitten December 5, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    Kaleta understands his part and plays it to the hilt. Now, if we could just get im to start twirling his mustache during the
    post game interviews…

    You go girl! You tell Brahms and coffee mugs and flower pots to get in line!

  5. 5 elise December 6, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    Kate, this may be the funniest thing ever! I’m going to try the “hand wash” after making a pot holder tonight. p.s. i love west wing!


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