Hold onto your brains, Sabres fans, because we’ve got four more years of Drew Stafford roaming the dark streets of Buffalo ahead of us. We must be vigilant, or he will (of course) eat our brains. (Don’t hate Staffy for trying to eat your brains. It’s just his way. He’s only doing what comes naturally.)
TWC has obtained the transcript of Stafford’s negotiations with Darcy Regier:
Darcy Regier: We need to negotiate your contract, Staffy.
Staffy: Moooooore braaaains
Darcy Regier: Yes, yes, I know. You like brains.
Staffy: Moooooore braaaaains.
Darcy: Try to focus, Drew. How much money do you want to play hockey?
Staffy: Mooooore braaaains.
Darcy: Drew… do you like being a Sabre?
Darcy: Seriously, dude. Stop talking about brains for ONE SECOND.
Darcy: Thank you. Now. Here’s my offer.
(Darcy slides a piece of paper across the desk to Staffy. Staffy picks it up, reads it, then sneers.)
Staffy: (roaring) MOOOOOOORE BRAAAAAAAINS!
Darcy: Now hold on just a second Staffy. That’s a good offer.
Staffy: MOOOOOOOOOOOOORE BRAAAAAAAAAAAAINS
Darcy: Well… how many brains do you think you deserve?
Staffy: Four million braaaaains per year for four yeeeeearrs. 16 million braaaaaaaaains total.
Darcy: Fine. Whatever. Just promise me that after you sign this contract you’re not going to start talking about how you wish you were a rockstar instead of a hockey player again.
Staffy: (cocks head) Red Seal Peach?
Darcy: No. No more band. Just hockey.
Darcy: Okay. We’ve got a deal. Now get out of here you furry bastard.
I honestly don’t know what to make of this new Drew Stafford contract.
If the Sabres get 3o goals a year out of him for the next four years, this contract will be a steal. (And just think! Four more years of the “morrrrrre braaaaains” joke!) On the other hand, Staffy has always been really inconsistent and injury prone and blah blah blah … you know what? Let’s not think too much about the other hand.
Hopefully this all works out, and from now on we get focused, awesome, hattricky Drew Stafford and moody, frequently-injured, I-just-want-to-rock Drew Stafford is in hibernation until his retirement from hockey.
Having nothing to do with anything: For some reason when you google “Drew Stafford furries” this picture of Ryan Miller comes up in the image results.
I have no recollection of Crunchy having that haircut. Yikes.