Press Box: Part Two

Well, here I am, back in the press box. Just another day in the life of the rich and the famous poor and the bloggy.

Ho hum.

Just kidding! Apparently the Sabres have NOT come to their senses and revoked my access (suckers)! WOOOOOOO! I’M BACK IN THE PRESS BOX!

Here’s a fun behind-the-scenes story:

After you enter the building, go through security, and pick up your credentials, you go jump on a big elevator which is manned by an actual elevator operator. Now, before I came to the press box on Saturday, Mike Harrington was kind enough to give me a few pointers and one of them was, “For the love of God, have your press pass visible when you get on the elevator, because that thing ain’t moving until Bill (the operator) is satisfied that you belong.” So, the first time I got on the elevator I was holding my press pass in my hand, faced outwards, about two feet away from my body. I’m not going to lie, I was worried that Bill would be all, “I’m sorry, but you appear to be a blogger. You obviously don’t belong here. Please leave the building and immediately return to you mother’s basement.” But he didn’t!

It turns out that I needn’t have been so concerned because Bill is an equal opportunity show-me-your-pass-or-get-off-my-elevator kind of guy. According to an unnamed source (I know! I’m like Woodward and Bernstein over here with my unnamed sources!), once Bill refused to move the elevator until BRIAN BURKE stopped his cell phone conversation and fished his pass out of his coat. ISN’T THAT AWESOME?!

And THAT is how you know Bill the Elevator Operator is a Grade-A badass. Also a hero.

Today when I came up, the elevator was filled with many scouts from many teams, all of whom seemed to know and love Bill. (And FYI, there’s a scout here from the Blues. Do you think David Backes wants to be a Sabres? I bet he does.)

________

I learned my lesson on Saturday, and tonight I’m dressed for the Arctic Circle. I’m seriously wearing a hat, half gloves and a wool scarf. I’m hoping I pulled off “hobo chic,” with this look, but if I’m honest I might be leaning a little more towards the “hobo” and a lot away from the “chic.” But whatevs… I’m still cold.

On Friday I’m going to bring my down sleeping bag. Maybe there’s a warm street grate somewhere up here that I can lay on during the game.

__________

Apparently if you count up all the Sabres in this picture you will find that Patrick Kaleta is not on the ice. Or, you can do what I did and wait for Twitter to tell you that Kaleta is tonight's mystery injured Sabres.

1st period

7:16pm Zzzzzz. Hockey is boring. Come on guys, this is no way to get traded to the Ducks for Bobby Ryan.

7:17pm (1-0, Islanders) Szchszhzchszhszhsura takes a high sticking penalty and then some dumb Islander scores. Szuszhsuzhchsuzhscuhura is FIRED!

7:28pm Look at this. Before the game Mike Harrington spent a few minutes showing me around the place, and he took me into the broadcast booths. First we stopped by WGR. Hi Pat Malacaro! WGR is right next door to Rick and Harry’s booth, and when I leaned over to look into their booth, they both very obediently made funny faces. (Oh BTWs, the Sabres just had a power play but they didn’t score. They, um, don’t look like they want to be traded to the Ducks AT ALL. What gives, Sabres?)

Just for the record, these are PURPOSEFUL funny faces.

7:30pm My Name is Inigo Montoya, prepare to watch me embellish a tiny bump to the noggin.

7:33pm Zack Kassian fights Matt Martin after Niederreiter hits Gerbe in a MOST unpleasant way (NEIDERREITER IS A JERK!). Kassian manages to undress to his skivvies in the process of the fight.

7:37pm Unlike the Capitals, the Islanders appear to be trying to win this game. It’s irksome.

7:42pm DANG IT! Vanek almost scores a shorty during Pominville’s holding penalty. A shorty would’ve hit the spot.

7:44 This period is almost over. I’m going to eat a hot dog at intermission. A FREE hot dog. If you want, I’ll lower some free hot dogs down into section 318. Just say the word, people of 318.

2nd Period

8:08 That hot dog was good. This hockey game snoozy. I might have to challenge Phil from Blue Black and Gold to a hot dog eating competition just to pass the time.

8:11pm Seriously, people of Section 318. I’ve got a hot dog all ready to go for you. I’ll just lower it down. Let me know if you want any cookies.

8:20pm I’ve spent the majority of this period (12 minutes gone, so far) photographing and then uploading a picture of this hotdog. I bet this is how Jerry Sullivan passes the time during a boring game too.

8:23pm The natives are finally getting a little restless. Sporadic booing as the Sabres are CLEARLY trying to impress us (and failing) with their patented “getting too fancy for the home crowd” maneuvers. Can someone please tell them we don’t like it when they do that?

8:27pm Roy kiiiind of almost scores. But not really.

8:27:30pm I will say, sitting in the press box during an uneventful game is sort of interesting. Having the desk and the computer makes it feel like I’m at home, only I’m not allowed to cheer.

8:30pm Okay, the only thing that can save this period is a Hecht shorthanded goal. Kassian is in the box with a minute and a half left in the period. Come on, Yo Yo. We need you now.

8:32pm Yaaaaay! (I’ve decided that silent, blog-only cheering is permissable in the press box.) Enroth makes a save on a little trickling puck as the period expires. Well, at least it’s not 2-0, right?

3rd period

Here, look at this. It’s a picture of Lindy that’s on the wall up here.

Right next to Lindy is this picture of Craig Rivet, the greatest Elmira Jackal, EVER.

I actually love all the stories about Craig Rivet recapturing his love of hockey in the ECHL. Good for you, Craig Rivet.

Here's a picture of the visiting press area. Apparently, during the playoffs they build some risers and there's a second row behind that one.Sad

8:51pm Okay, I’m about to make a bold prediction: The Sabres are going to win this game in regulation. It’s not like the Islander have been exactly good. They’ve just been marginally less sucky.

8:53pm OMFG! AS SOON AS I STAKE MY REPUTATION (I know, some reputation, right?! Heh) ON THEM WINNING, THE LITTLE JERKS SCORE! GOOD WORK, JOCHEN!

Sad

8:58pm Enroth just made a nice save on Tavares, which is very much appreciated because I’m now EXTREMELY attached to them winning in regulation. #Nostradamus

9:02pm I feel like Pominville isn’t good enough for Thomas Vanek tonight.

9:06pm Hey, good work, Luke Adam! He just saved a trickling goal.

9:07pm NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! One of those tricklers finally went in. If the Sabres don’t win this in regulations, well… I don’t know what I’ll do, but you won’t like it, Sabres.

9:11pm Streit penalty. This is your chance, stupidheads.

9:12pm Oh NOOOOOO, not a 5-on-3 for a minute and a half!!!! (I’m using reverse psychology. The Sabres aren’t that smart. They fall for this every time.) Oooh, and now a Buffalo timeout. If I were not in the press box I’d be saying in my Lindy voice, “Okay, here’s the plan. I want you to skate down to the goal, and then put the puck IN the net. Does everyone understand the plan?! Okay, go do it!”

9:17pm Gross. All the penalties expire and the Sabres don’t score. I guess the Sabres didn’t understand Lindy’s plan.

9:2ipm Hope is waning. Both for a win and for the Ducks wanting any of these players in exchange for Bobby Ryan.

9:24pm Oh for Pete’s sake. Poor, hapless Ville Leino is fired.

9:28pm HAHAHAHA! The islanders put themselves offside AND Tavares misses the empty net. (I’m taking my victories where I can.)

9:29pm The end. The Sabres aren’t very good at this.

Postgame

I’m back in Lindy’s room waiting for his postgame press conference because I was instructed it would be interesting if the Sabres lost. I’ll be honest, I’m a little afraid of pissed-off Lindy. I’m scared.

FYI, reporters actually use those long notepads with the spiral on the top.

Whoa. Lindy’s tie has little chicken drumsticks on it. I AM glad I stayed!

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9 Responses to “Press Box: Part Two”


  1. 1 Mike Rehac November 29, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    Too funny Katebits, you’re good crack!

  2. 2 Joe from NYC November 29, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    Thank god for this fucken blog, because this game has been the shits. Thanks!

  3. 3 Aaron November 29, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    You mean to tell me if I have a Sabres blog I get free hot dogs on a rope?

  4. 4 SueInVA November 29, 2011 at 9:55 pm

    Thanks! I needed a giggle after that frustration!! Ugh, Sabres!!

  5. 5 elise November 30, 2011 at 10:18 am

    That tasty hot dog with a string around it is the peak of journalism for me so far!

  6. 6 Jaime November 30, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    The hot dog on a rope is awesome! And maybe for the next game you should wear a snuggie or my favorite a large afghan held together with a binder clip (and I used to actually do that when I worked at an office while in college).

  7. 7 Mikey B November 30, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Something just occurred to me, Katebits…if Miller is Crunchy and Szcheczchzezchezeczura is Chewy, what other food related adjective Sabres do we have? Who is Crispy? Or Creamy? Or Salty?

    Man, I could sure go for bowl of Crispity Crunchity Peanutbuttery Sabre Bites…

  8. 8 mikespub December 4, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Best part of that game was this blog, glad for your adventure

  9. 9 Jon December 5, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Seriously one of the best things I’ve read in a long time. Pure awesome. Thanks for putting the fun back in this team.


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