Tough Love Works!

Dear Sabres,

I’m pretty sure my firm guidance is what set you on course for your amazing night, and with respect to that, I’m going to offer the you a sober “congratulations” (translation: OMG!OMG!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!). Now, you know as well as I, that this team has had several “turning points” only to be plunged back into mediocrity the next game. (translation: THIS TIME IT’S FOR REAL! WE’RE NEVER GOING TO LOSE AGAIN!) You mustn’t allow yourselves to focus for too long on this particular win. (Translation: HIGH FIVE, STAFFY! HIGH FIVE, ROY-Z! Ah hell, HIGH FIVE, VANEK! WOOO-OOOT! WOOT! WOOOOOT!) While tonight was a positive step forward, you still have a long way to go. (Translation: WE’RE ON OUR WAY, BABY!) I must insist that you don’t allow this game to go to your heads. (Translation: Seriously though. Don’t get cocky.)

With (tough) love,

Katebits

PS: Private to Derek Roy: I forgot to take you off the bench on my fantasy team tonight. Your 4 point night was awesome for me, the Sabres fan, and bittersweet for me, the manager of the Fancy Bits. I am a fairly superstitious manager and fan, so I assure you, your fine play while sitting on the F-Bit bench did not go unnoticed. If allowing my fantasy team to tank is what it takes to motivate you to play hard, fine. Until further notice, you’re benched. But don’t get lazy Mister, because the minute you start sucking, the Fancy Bits are going to play you all the time.

PPS: Private to Drew Stafford: Against all reason and statistical analysis, I have kept you on my fantasy team. Tonight you made the F-Bits proud. I’m pleased to announce that you are the Fancy Bit of the Week. Congratulations!

Goodbye, Cruel World

One thing I really don’t enjoy about the discourse surrounding the Sabres (and all sports, really) is the constant yammering of people trying to prove a point. Like all human beings I am prey to the instinct to argue, and I have certainly engaged in some arguing over the last few weeks (Teppo’s suspension got me seriously revved up). I like being “right”, and I’m irritated when someone else is loudly proclaiming something I perceive as “wrong”, but at the very core of my personality I don’t enjoy arguing. I never have. I am a Minnesotan, after all. For me, arguing is a lot like eating at McDonald’s: pretty enjoyable while it’s happening, but totally heinous thirty minutes later.

Call me crazy, call me a fair weather fan, call me a girly-girl, but I don’t want to argue about the Sabres. I want to experience the season at face value. Of course I want them to win the Stanley Cup, but I think I can enjoy the season even if they don’t. I want to love the team (even when they suck), and I don’t want to defend, or even discuss my decision to to do so.

I have come to realize that the only way to stay inside of my happy bubble is to avoid the big, cruel world. So, goodbye Buffalo News, goodbye WGR, goodbye Sabres message boards, goodbye to many of the blogs I read. You are like crack, and you know what? Crack is whack.

Hello, Brain of Katebits!

The nice thing about the Brain of Katebits is that even if the Sabres go 0-82, I can still happily entertain myself by analyzing the hair-dos on the bench. I’m still in the phase of my hockey fandom where hockey is a happy thing, and I’d like to prolong this honeymoon for as long as possible. Those who enjoy such things can go right ahead and argue about the next 80 games. I’ll be here, writing fake letters to Toni Lydman (Dear Toni, don’t change a thing), and organizing my fantasy team according to age, height, and “locker room” presence. (The Fancy Bits are going to win it all this year, even if the Sabres don’t.)