My Approach

One of the things that amuses me about my new fascination with sports is that I have very little context in which to place all this new information. This has created a funny situation where I’m purposefully approaching sports from a rather quirky angle. I mean, even if I stay ravenously interested in sports for the next twenty years, I’ll still never be “caught up”, so why even bother? I like how I can digest this stuff at my own pace and according to my own tastes.

Take Friday for example.

I was listening to the radio and some guy filling in for Jim Rome was interviewing a football player named Tony Gonzalez. Now, I’m sure that many of you have heard of Tony Gonzalez, and you probably have a variety of opinions about him and his football playing. Friday was the first I had ever heard of this guy, so it was with some interest that I listened to him talking about his non-legal, spiritually binding marriage, and a crazy story about saving a guy’s life by administering the Heimlich Maneuver in a restaurant. (Weirdo commitment ceremonies? Heroic deeds? A vegan football player? Sign me up, Tony Gonzalez!) I totally liked what I heard from Tony Gonzalez, enough so that I decided to look him up this morning on the interwebs.

Here’s how my “I want to learn about Tony Gonzalez” process went:

1. Google him. Results: Meh. Boring. This is all about football. Ew.

2. Google image search him. Results: Hmm. Interesting. Tony Gonzalez is fetching.

3. Read his Wikipedia page. Results: Totally boring. This is not the information I seek.

4. Go to SportSquee to Read “The Girls’ Guide To Football: Kansas City Chiefs” Results: Rats! There is no such Girls’ Guide! I poke around SportSquee until I realize there is no one besides Margee that I trust to tell me the truth about Tony Gonzalez. (The question being: Is he actually cool? Or is he secretly lame?) I’m sure she knows the truth, so I emailed her.

5. Wait around for Margee to get back to me. (I’ll let you know what she says.)

______

It’s an amazing age we live in, isn’t it?

In short, I am the type of sports fan who spends tons of money on sports. I read and write about sports everyday. I very carefully assess the sports media, and I have clear ideas about what I like and what I don’t like. I think about hockey almost every single day even though it’s July; at the same time, I have no idea where ESPN is on my cable dial and I almost completely ignore my local paper’s extensive coverage of my favorite sports team.

One of the things that I like about sports is that it is news, but it’s not really that important. I keep one wary eye on politics and international news, but I’m a bit embarrassed to say, I only do it out of a sense of duty. I feel a certain grim responsibility to keep track of the real news. I don’t feel this sense of responsibility towards sports. I follow sports because I enjoy it, and if I ever stop enjoying it I’ll simply stop paying attention, and I’ll do so without a single speck of guilt.

I love how all this adds up to getting to turn to SportSquee when I want to get to the bottom of the situation. Just to be clear, I’m not being even remotely sarcastic. I love that “sports” is this massive topic that I can attack with the most hilarious, whimsical weapons in my arsenal.

Sports are fun.

5 Confilicting Feelings At The End Of The Season

1. I’m really sad that the season is over. I’m going to desperately miss Sabres hockey during this long offseason. The Sabres in their current incarnation are….not that good, but I’m still going to miss them.

2. I was pretty stunned by how depressing it was to see the Sabres lose last night. I mean, we’ve spent the entire season on the outside of the playoff picture, and yet, there was a large part of me that was genuinely shocked to see the season come to an official end. I didn’t even realize how much I still believed that a miracle was on the way. My capacity for hope, enthusiasm, and optimism took me by surprise this year.

3. I believe the Sabres will be better next year, I really do, but over the last few days it has come into sharp focus how we as fans have no control over any of this, and it has left me questioning the whole enterprise. I’ve read a lot of analysis of the Sabres in the last two days. Some of it is angry, some of it is hopeful, some of it is “the sky has fallen” some of it is “just wait until next year”. For a gal who writes a hockey blog, I have remarkably little interest in dissecting the season. How odd that I’m willing to place so much emotion and energy into a team, but when it comes time to take a look at what happened, my entire attitude is “Meh. It is what it is.” What it “is” SUCKS ASS, but so does a lot of stuff. I’ve spent more time fretting about the Sabres this year than I ever thought possible, but it’s sort of a relief to discover I still have the ability to shrug my shoulders and say, “What are ya going to do? It’s just a game.” (Except for when I think about Crunchy’s upcoming free-agency. When I think too hard about Crunchy’s contract I can’t sleep….or breathe. Hee.)

4. Everyone keeps saying, “It’s good they will miss the playoffs. Squeaking in would have given them a false sense of accomplishment. This failure will be good for them in the long run,” and “They would have been demolished in the first round.” I absolutely agree with both of those statements…..and yet. I fell in love with hockey during the playoffs last year. I’m incredibly disappointed that I don’t get to see my first hockey team play in the playoffs. I know, I know, they would have been destroyed by either Montreal or Pittsburgh in the first round. I don’t care. I refuse to budge on this one. I feel personally cheated by the short season.

5. This team, for all of their faults and inadequacies is my first team, and no matter what, I will always remember them fondly. Several times this season I have tried to express my odd gratitude about the current state of the Sabres, and I’ve never felt I was able to make myself clear. I’ll try again: I jumped on board with this sport as a bandwagoner last spring, but this gnarly season has afforded me the opportunity to earn some baby stripes as a real fan. This was no kind of season for the bandwagon fan, and I’m proud to say that my love of hockey and of the Sabres only grew as the season progressed. Furthermore, I’m not sorry that due to this lost season, history will separate this Sabres team from the teams that came before. I like that any future Sabres success will be a result of something that happens in the future. I’ve missed a lot of Sabres hockey, but I guarantee, from now on, I’ll be there. Hopefully, the best is yet to come.

Let Go Buff-a-lo!

Happy Dyngus Day!

I am deeeelighted to have three days off without Sabres hockey. I needed it. Even with the nice offensive bonanza before the Toronto loss, I was feeling a bit wore out. It feels like we’ve been in the home stretch forever.

The Sabres are in a pretty tight spot. The odds are against them for sure. Every game from here on out is the most important game of the season, and we’ve got some fairly problematic teams on the docket.

Before we jump back into the do-or-die final stretch, I’d just like to say one thing: This season, while frequently frustrating, has been a blast. Blogging about the Sabres has been a hoot and it’s enriched my life in ways I never could have anticipated. Thanks for joining me, guys!

(Why do I feel like I’m one of the musicians at the end of “Titanic” who were all, “It’s been an honor and a privilege playing music with you tonight,” while the ship slowly slipped into the watery abyss? Heh.)

(Buck up, people! We’re not dead yet!)

Midterms

Here are my mid-season grades for my first season as a fan:

Stick-to-it-ed-ness: A+ (I believe I am earning my stripes as a real fan by not only watching, but writing daily about this particular team at this particular time.)

Ability to recognize a “soft goal”: D+ (Frankly, I doubt the existence of the mythical “softie”.)

Signage: C- (I am too bashful to hold a sign at a game, although I could probably make a pretty awesome sign if called upon to do so.)

Appearance: F (I do not own a single item of Sabres clothing. I keep almost buying a jersey, but I simply CAN’T decide on a player. [Adam Mair is suddenly in the running, FYI.])

Ability to recognize off-sides: B+ (I’m totally getting good at this one.)

Ability to recognize/bitch about penalties: F- (I have no effing idea what is going on with penalties. All I know is that I consistently enjoy shouting, “HOOKER!” at the television.)

Booing: A+

Face-off Appreciation: A (I love me a good, clean face-off win. HONK!)

Attitude: B (I am currently cultivating a “bad” attitude, which is serving me quite well.)

Fantasy Hockey: D+ (I earn points for continuing to play even though my team is terrible, but I lose points for nearly every decision I have made all season.)

Ability to properly place blame: A+ (I’m always right about who is a fault.)

Thanks, But No More For Me. I’m Done.

I’m new at this, so I’m not entirely sure what the proper protocol is for turning in my fan credentials. Is there a bureau at City Hall, or something? If I quit now, do I get my membership dues back in full, or do they prorate it for the months of hockey I’ve already “enjoyed” this season? I’m really ready to turn in my gun, but I kind of like the badge. (I still can’t believe they sent a gun with my “Welcome to Hockey” beginner’s kit. That just seems like asking for trouble.) I really like this billfold Buffaslug badge, though. I wouldn’t mind hanging on to it as a memento of the time I lost my mind and became oddly devoted to the Buffalo Sabres. Also, there are a few Sabres I’d like to break the news to in person (out of respect, not anger), but I’m not sure how to get ahold of them. There are no Crunchys listed in the phone book. There was a Goose, but I’m don’t think it was the Goose because when I dialed the number, the dude said, “Hello” instead of “HONK!” That can’t be him, right? As much as it would help me to explain the situation to Pommerdoodle, let’s face it, he forgets about everyone as soon as they leave the room, so there is no reason to put him through a big emotional goodbye. I’ve already talked to Toni Lydman, and he said, “No worries. I totally understand. This shit is getting old.” I guess that attitude is why I liked him in the first place, but I’ve got to say, I hate it when a guy is so understanding about a breakup. It makes it so much harder, you know?

So, I guess this blog is just going to have to be about the viola from now on. You guys cool with that?

:P

Yay!

Tonight was one of those games that I just couldn’t deal with as it was unfolding. I watched the first two periods and I was pretty much frustrated and unhappy throughout. So, I recorded the third period, and headed out to a Christmas party where I ate lots of delicious food, drank some wine, and played Backgammon. (Remember backgammon? So fun!) I didn’t think once about the game after I left my apartment.

What a nice surprise to get home a few hours later to discover they had won. I really didn’t see that one coming.

Sometimes, like tonight, I can’t stand hockey unless I already know the Sabres won.

I Love Hockey!

Wow! What a difference a few wins make!

Things I Love:

- Thomas Vanek. My feelings about Old Grimace-Face started veering towards sympathy a few weeks ago, and now that he has started to pull himself together, my heart is actually warming to him. I know! This shift in attitude is just as shocking to me as it is to you. Thomas Vanek, you can stay……for now.

- Kevin Sylvester. Kevin Sylvester is so cute. Don’t try to deny that you love his dimples and his widow’s peak. Just admit it. You love him too.

- The Montreal Canadiens. Of all of the teams we have played repeatedly, I have enjoyed the Montreal games the most. A lot of people have been complaining about the non-stop divisional play this month, but I have to admit, I’ve kind of liked it. The repetition has been a good way to get familiar with the other teams in our division. So far this month I have learned that the Bruins are boring, the Senators are scary (I actually knew this one already), and the Canadiens are fun. It only took one home game in person for me to adopt the general policy of all Buffalonians regarding the Leafs: Hells, no. No. Just NO.

- Winning close games. When Montreal tied it up in the third my heart sunk. But then we won! Tonight was the kind of frustrating mess we were losing a few weeks ago.

- This picture that I found on Facebook. I have a feeling that everyone on the interwebs has already seen this picture, but like most things involving hockey, it’s new to me.

Heh.

 

I’m Scared

I’m not going to lie. I’m scared of the Senators.

The Ottawa Senators are fucking scary.

Tonight I am going out to watch the game in a bar with Robin, Amy, and Christina. Of the four of us, I’m the undisputed hockey expert, which is pretty funny when you think about it. Because most of my friends aren’t hockey fans, I usually watch the games alone- but dudes, I can’t deal with the Senators by myself. Too scary. So, I’m going out to a bar where no matter what happens with the game, at least I’ll be surrounded by friends, chicken fingers, and booze.

I have no context in which to place this team. I’m a brand new hockey fan. Tonight’s game feels kind of important, but I know in the great scheme of things, it really isn’t. It’s just hockey.

Squeamish

I think I might be too much of a spaz to be a hockey fan.

On Friday night I got home from work, and to my great horror, the Sabres were still playing. The game was 3-2 in favor of the Sabres, and the game was in its last minutes. I turned on the television just in time to see the Sabres take two penalties in a row. I literally couldn’t take the suspense, so I wandered in to the kitchen and did the dishes as I listened to Rick Jeanneret hollering indistinctly over the sound of the running water. I raced back into the living room when I heard something that sounded an awful lot like, “He Scoooooooooooooooooooores!”

After three losses in a row, I was getting too squeamish to watch.

Things feel a whole lot less terrifying after the lovely weekend. On Thursday night, I intend to sit down in front of the television, and take it like a (wo)man.

Secondary Teams

Okay, tonight offers a much needed break from the Sabres. Last night was pretty rough. I realized about half way through the third period the extent of my unhappiness. I was practically grinding my teeth with frustration, and I felt like I was wearing a child-sized turtleneck. Now, I ask you. Is this any way to live?

No.

I love the Sabres, and I love cheering for the Sabres, but I do NOT love having my evening ruined by the Sabres. So, in my misery, I sent a pathetic email to the Ookies. What do you do when your team is sucking?”, I whimpered. Here is Schnookie’s response, reprinted without her permission, and edited to best prove my point:

See, this is where Center Ice comes in, and where loving hockey saved my life. Last year I was furious with the Devils (and Marty in particular) because they were absolutely ATROCIOUS at the start of the season. Just wretched. Putrid. Redefining the concept of sucktitude. But instead of letting myself be strangled, I was like, “Huh. I bet someone else is playing good hockey right now,” and I found the Sabres. And then the Penguins. I rediscovered my ability to love hockey and turn to another team or another good game whenever I was annoyed by the Devils. This is what I love about having the blogosphere now — back in the day, I’d just sit and stew in my unhappiness. Now I have places to go to talk to people who can cheer me up, or find out what compelling and adorable storylines other teams are carrying at that moment. There are 29 other teams! Step back, take a few deep breaths, recognize that the Sabres will, on occasion, stink up the joint, and turn to some team you enjoy just for fun. Maybe it’s Sid. Maybe it’s the Devils (ha!). Maybe it’s the possibility of seeing the Rangers lose. Maybe it’s some random team out West that’s hovering at .500 but they just seem cute. Maybe it’s someone new every night. Whatever it is, there’s so much to love about hockey!

What great advice! Listen, I will never love another team like I love the Sabres. Never, ever, ever. BUT, Schnookie is right. There is plenty to love about hockey, even when the Sabres are being lame. So, rather than dwell on the feeling that the Sabres are strangling me to death, I am going to turn my attention to some of the other teams that have captured my fancy.

In order of my level of interest:

1. New York Rangers: I believe I’ve mentioned this one or two thousand times, but I hate the Rangers. Without a doubt, my favorite thing other than watching the Sabres win, is watching the Rangers lose. The Rangers have delighted me with their slow start, but they could pull it together at any time, and I intend to pull the plug on this fixation at the first sign of life from my favorite team to hate.

2. New Jersey Devils: (avert your eyes, Sam) My affection for the Devils stems entirely from my affection for the Ookie sisters. I have been happily digesting a steady stream of Devils posts over on IPB for the last few months, which has lead to a comfort level with the Devils that I don’t have with any other non-Sabres team. I’m familiar with this cast of characters, and I like them very much. I know that the Devils supposedly play boring, defensive minded hockey, but that has not been my experience with them so far this season. They’re, um….not really in control of the games often enough to be killing hockey in their current incarnation. (No offense, Devils. You know I love ya.) I’m told the Devils are always pretty good in the end, so I look forward to watching them this season.

3. L.A. Kings: This is a hard one to explain. Rudy Kelly over at The Battle of California is seriously hilarious. He’s so hilarious that I have started to like his team. So, there’s that. I think it’s safe to say that I don’t care very much about my secondary teams winning. The Kings are totally welcome to lose all they want, I just kind of like them regardless. I liked them in London, and I like their hideous uniforms, and I like how they play late at night so if I can’t sleep I can watch the end of their games. I don’t know why, but I’m a Kings fan.

4. The Minnesota Wild: I’m a native Minnesotan and I really want to love The Wild, but I admit it’s not coming naturally so far. First of all, they are just WAY too winning. Second of all, they’re a bit of a snooze with their responsible defense and their impenetrable goalie; BUT they do have a few cuties, including their oddly compelling brute, Boogaard, who wears charming spectacles when he is not teaching little kids how to beat each other up. I am attending a Wild game with my dear friend Sam over my Christmas break. I hope to be a fully informed, passionate Wild fan by then.

5. Pittsburgh Penguins: The Penguins are super fun, no doubt about it. I’m not sure why they are not higher up on this list; it might be because they make me feel like a dirty, old lady. Like everyone else, I have mixed feelings about Sidney Crosby the person, but I sure like watching him play hockey- he gets all crazy intense and swirly eyed. Usually around the time I am noticing Sid’s intense swirly eyedness is when I start to feel like a dirty old lady, and that is when I purposefully turn my attention to Mark Recchi who I like entirely because of his Versus ad where he declares that he’s not retiring until they “pry the stick from my dead hands.” Honestly, there is quite a bit to love about the Penguins.

So, there you have my preliminary list of secondary teams. I am sure this list will morph as the season goes on, and I promise to keep you abreast of my non-Sabres interests. The Sabres can make me crazy, happy, frustrated, confused, elated and scandalized, but they cannot make me hate hockey.