The Deadline Looms

I’m not going to lie. I’m going to be a little peeved if Soupy is still a Sabre tomorrow on Tuesday. (It has come to my attention that the trade deadline is on Tuesday, not tomorrow. My bad. It’s this attention to detail that makes mine such a vital voice in the hockey blogosphere.)

I wish him well, and all the happiness in the world. This is his chance to cash in on all his years of hard work, and I do not begrudge him that. I just don’t think the Sabres should be the team to fork over the cash, and if Darcy can grab few tasty prospects by trading Soupy, well, then that’s what I think he should do.

Mmmm…..tasty prospects…

Buffalo, I’m Proud Of Us.

For some reason, against my better judgment, about an hour and a half ago, I turned on WGR. For those of you outside of Buffalo, WGR is our sports talk radio station. Usually, WGR makes me want to kill myself because it’s incredibly angry and insane. I have no idea why I thought it would be a good idea to listen to the radio during the peak of the Brian Campbell intrigue. You’d think that the hours upon hours I spent listening to people freak out about the Briere and Drury last summer would have taught me to JUST SAY NO when it comes to WGR, but apparently not.

I just listened to caller after caller express concern about signing Brian Campbell at the expense of the upcoming free agents. A very high percentage of people who called in seem to believe that Soupy’s value to the Sabres is highest as trade bait. People are keeping their heads! They are listening to reason! Schopp and the Bulldog are NOT having temper tantrums. They are calmly adding up the numbers and deducing that if we sign Soupy to what he wants, the team will be committing too much money to too few players. Even Schoop was amazed at the tone of the calls.

I….don’t understand. Buffalo, where is the loony-tunes outrage? Where are the over-the-top accusations of management skin-flintery and incompetence?

Where’s the craaaaazy, Buffalo?

Weary

I’m feeling a little wobbly these days, not just because of my SARS, but also because of the stench of despair emanating from the Buffalo sports scene. I don’t know what is going to happen with the Bills, but I do know it’s depressing to think about from almost every angle. I didn’t see the Bruins game, but after reading about it, I had to revisit the Sabres Meditation. I don’t care what happens with Brian Campbell. At all. Please Darcy, get Soupy to sign on the dotted line or send him away. And do it soon. (And Darcy, from a public relations standpoint, now would be a good time to announce new RFA contracts for Goose and Paille. Just saying.)

I think I’m ready for summer.

*lies down on floor*

*coughs*

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UPDATE: Hey, guess what? I wrote this post right before I performed a lively and funny Family Concert down at old Kleinhans Music Hall. I feel so much happier after a nice, wholesome musical afternoon. I would like to offer some advice to my fellow weary Buffalonians. If you are feeling low about the Bills or the Sabres, you should try a concert because it might make you happy. It’s worth a shot. Support your local arts organizations, people!

The Solution

Scene: Lindy Ruff’s hotel room. Lindy and Darcy Regier are sitting with Ryan Miller. Lindy and Darcy are sitting on one side of the desk, and Ryan Miller is sitting on the other.

Crunchy: What are we doing here, guys? I’m exhausted. Tonight was supposed to be my night off and instead I get dragged into the worst game I’ve ever been a part of. I just want to go to sleep and try to forget about the L.A. Kings.

Regier: I know that tonight was not the game we were hoping for.

Crunchy: (death glare)

Regier: Listen, Ryan, I’m going to cut right to the chase. We want to talk about your contract.  I realize that the team, as it currently stands….is not necessarily appealing for you. We want to find out what it would take, to make you happy.

Crunchy: (raising his eyebrow [the whompy one]) Listen, I’m not going to negotiate my contract without my agent, plus I’m really pissed off. I can’t deal with this right now.  This isn’t even legal.  We can’t discuss my contract until next season….and you better fucking believe you are going to pay top dollar if you want to keep me.  Top. Dollar.

Lindy: (gently) No, you don’t understand son.

Regier: (leaning in towards Crunchy) Ryan, we want to know which of the Sabres you feel comfortable having in front of you. We want you to sign this piece of paper, legally binding you to the team, and in exchange, you can tell us which of your teammates you want to keep, and which you want to get rid of.

Crunchy: (perking up with surprise) Wait. I can tell you who to fire?

Regier: All you have to do is sign this paper. (slides a piece of paper across the table) Simple as that. We’ll fire whoever you want.

(Crunchy immediately picks up the pen and signs the paper)

Crunchy: Now, here’s how I want the team to look by next seas-

Regier: (interrupting) No, wait. We can’t do it like this. This room might be bugged. (whispering) Afinogenov has been bugging our offices for years. What we need you to do is write the names of the guys you want us to fire on this piece of paper. Just write the names of the guys you want gone. Do you understand?

(Crunchy nods. Regier slides a second piece of paper across the table. Crunchy picks up the pen and begins writing. The room falls silent except for the sound of the pen as Crunchy furiously scribbles. The clock ticks symbolically as Crunchy writes and writes. After several minutes, Lindy and Darcy exchange a concerned glance. Crunchy’s hand begins to cramp from all of the writing. Soon, his pen runs out of ink, so he grabs a fresh one off the desk. He turns the paper over and begins to write on the back. When both sides of the paper are full, he writes in the margins. His second pen runs out of ink. Fifteen minutes pass, and finally, Crunchy slides the paper back across the table.)

Lindy: (glancing warily at the completely filled sheet of paper) I don’t think you understand, son. We want you to write the names of the players you want to fire.

Crunchy: Yeah. (with wry smile) That’s what I did.

(Lindy and Darcy exchange a meaningful glance)

Regier: But, this is everybody.

Crunchy: No, not everybody. Just most. It probably would have been easier to ask me to write the names of the guys you want me to keep. (picks up second piece of paper and writes for exactly 1.5 seconds) Here, I want you to keep these guys.

Regier: (picks up the list of players to “keep”) There are only two names on this list, and one of them is “Sabretooth”. You have put us in a tricky spot here. I mean we knew we were going to have to fire Max, Campbell, and probably Vanek, We were prepared even for Roy-Z, but now we are legally obligated to fire the entire team……by Saturday. I’m not sure we can get new guys in here in time. (looking at “to be fired” list again) What?! Ryan, we can’t fire Drury from the Rangers, and I hardly think Mike Robitaille can be blamed for any of this.

Crunchy: Whatever. (grinning) Listen, I’m getting a second wind here. Do either of you guys want to grab a drink?

(Crunchy stands up and stretches his arms above his head with a yawn. A peaceful smile spreads across his face.)

Lindy: Um, no. We were hoping you would be willing to stay here tonight and discuss the plans. I mean, this wasn’t exactly what we thoug-

Crunchy: No. I’m going out. I’m good. Thanks though. You were right, Darcy. This was a good idea.

Regier: You realize you just signed on with the Sabres for the next seven years for the league minimum, don’t you?

Crunchy: Really? Oh, well, that’s cool. Just make sure to change the locks on HSBC arena before we get home.

(Crunchy leaves the room whistling.)

The Right Decision, The Wrong Way?

I am very sad about the turn of events that have occurred for Teppo Numminen since yesterday. During his pre-season physical it was discovered that he needs heart surgery, and then, to top off a surely delightful day, he was suspended by the Sabres for “failing to report to camp in good physical condition.” I am sure that the decision to suspend Teppo was the best option for the Sabres from a business standpoint, but I still hate it. I find it impossible to believe that there couldn’t have been a more dignified and respectful response to Teppo’s situation. At the very least, the announcement of his suspension should have been handled with a lot more class. Truthfully, I am fully confused about the whole situation. There are all sorts of contractual issues going on here, and I certainly can’t claim to understand the full scope of the issue. Hopefully, it’s not as bad as it seems, and Teppo will be healthy and back on the ice soon.

On a personal note, I’m really depressed that when I read this article in The Buffalo News, my immediate response was to wonder how many layers of bullshit I had to remove before I got to the truth of the matter. I’m not a journalist and I have never studied journalism. I go back and forth on the issue of whether I should pay any attention to sports journalism. In the great scheme of things, sports are not important, not like, oh say, an unwinnable war or anything; but still, I think sports play a huge role in how the Buffalo community relates to itself. In Buffalo, our sports teams are probably the single most unifying (or divisive) issue we have. The Buffalo News just seems so heavy handed and intent on attacking the Sabres organization that I simply don’t trust them to provide accurate information. For all I know, The Buffalo News might be right about this one, but due to their hatchet job covering the captain’s departure, they no longer have any credibility with me.

So, what we have is a bad newspaper intent on skewering an organization with really bad P.R. skills, and the result is a gigantic pile of crap. In order to cover my bases and spread the frustration around, I will just say:

Eff you, Buffalo News. Eff you, Sabres management. I’m sick of all you guys. Pull your shit together.

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But most importantly, get well, Teppo!