Archive for the 'Horse Racing' Category

No Triple Crown For You

I happened to watch some Preakness coverage while at Pearl Street before the Bandits game a few weeks ago. I’d never seen a horse race before. Ever. There I was, chillin’, drinking a Trainwreck, minding my own business, when NBC shows a clip of that poor horse breaking both her ankles at the Kentucky Derby. Now, I know absolutely NOTHING about horse racing. Nothing at all. But that? Was effed up.

I’m holding a grudge against the horse racing industry as a result. I figure the horse racing industry has been doing just fine without my patronage for the last 32 years, so even if my knee-jerk grudge is totally misguided, my one woman protest won’t do too much damage.

Big Brown

He’s all, “Tra la la. I am NOT going to break my ankles trying to please you bitches. You can just forget it. La lee la. Some other horse can win the Belmont for all I care. Tra la la.”

The good news is that I don’t really think Big Brown feels badly about losing the Belmont. Big Brown is going to be just fine. He’ll retire and spend his remaining days trotting around a field and being paid handsomely to impregnate foxy mares. Sounds like a nice life to me.

Enjoy your retirement, Big Brown!


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