The Stack

Today Kevin linked to J.P. So I poked around on Japers’ Rink for awhile, until I found this post, which links to this article. The article is a pretty amusing attempt to investigate the viability of putting a hugely fat goalie (think 800+ pounds) into a game, the idea being that he would totally block the net with his bulk. I love this kind of thing, because although I am not a cheater at heart, I appreciate all attempts to break the spirit of the law.

I totally do not know the rules of hockey, but I do have one wacky idea that has been niggling at my mind since I first started watching the game. If I were the head coach of the Sabres I would invent a new play, called The Stack. The Stack is a defensive move designed to protect a narrow lead in the last few minutes of a game. When The Stack is called, following the faceoff all of the players would lay down in front of the net like a stack of pancakes, one on top of the other, completely blocking the net. I figure with five players and a goalie, The Stack should be both high enough and wide enough to prevent any pucks from slipping through. The biggest downside to The Stack is that the game would degenerate into a test of toughness and will. The opposing team would of course start firing shots at The Stack, which would be fairly painful for the guys in The Stack, but hell, they’re hockey players, right? They’re tough. I think they could take it for a few minutes. Plus it would be hilarious to watch one team trying to topple a stack of players with slapshots.

I’m sure the league would outlaw The Stack as soon as it was attempted, so we’ve really got only one opportunity to try it out. We should save it for a time when we really need to hold on to the lead; for example game 7 of the 2006 ECF would have been an excellent time to use The Stack.

I’m a genius. Just admit it.

(I know, I know, there is probably already some rule about using all your guys in the crease at once. Whatevs.)

(And yes, when I get my press pass, I intend to interrupt Bucky Gleason while he’s asking a question so that I can propose The Stack to Lindy.)


9 Responses to “The Stack”

  1. 1 Heather B. October 13, 2007 at 5:48 pm

    I’m pretty sure the Islanders’ owner (home of the krazy) toyed around with the idea of using a sumo wrestler in goal.

    Kate, I like The Stack. Is it really that different than soccer players making a wall in front of the goal on free kicks? I don’t think it is. At the very least, it would be very entertaining to watch the guys pile up on top of each other.

  2. 2 Gambler October 13, 2007 at 7:00 pm

    for example game 7 of the 2006 ECF would have been an excellent time to use The Stack.

    Actually I distinctly remember a moment in that game when they sort of did use The Stack. It was a little disorganized–basically every Sabre who was in the general vicinity of the net threw himself down in front of it without consciously trying to stack themselves–but it got the job done at that particular moment in time. I remember this because it caused my friend and I to spontaneously yell out at the same time “Quick! Pile in the net! If we pile in the net they cannot score!” Anyway, all I’m saying is that you’re clearly more of a hockey genius than you thought, because The Stack would totally work. Good thinking, Katebits!

  3. 3 elise October 13, 2007 at 7:56 pm

    kate, i have this intuitive feeling you will be a NHL hockey coach some day! these gut feelings usually end up being right. well, at least twice they have. just remember, i said it here. you will be phenomenal, Coach Turina-Holzemer!!!

  4. 4 Pookie October 14, 2007 at 11:04 am

    When Lou fires Coach Sutter sometime between today and the end of the season, I want him to hire Coach Katebits. We’d never lose!

  5. 5 Icing October 14, 2007 at 3:56 pm

    You know, hockey has gotten even better since Katebits became a fan. In fact, now that I think about it, you’re like that 4th line player that the coach throws in just to bring some energy into the lineup who then suprises by not only bringing the energy but by going on a mad scoring streak as well. And not just lucky goals, but beauty top shelf wrist shots and stuff! You’re like the Jeff Cowan of last year! Bras off to you Katebits! You’re the Cowan the Brabarian of the blogosphere!

  6. 6 Sam October 14, 2007 at 5:54 pm

    I’m all for Kate becoming an NHL coach and implementing The Stack on a regular basis, if only because it will give Canada someone new to demonize, and maybe they’ll stop picking on poor Jacques Lemaire and his harmless little trap…

  7. 7 Katebits October 14, 2007 at 7:59 pm

    Wow! Thanks Icing! That is some seriously high praise! I don’t know who Jeff Cowan is…is he my new hockey husband? I’ll go look him up. I totally want to be the bloggy Cowan the Brabarian!

  8. 8 alix October 14, 2007 at 8:44 pm

    Hee! Cowman. He’s not pretty but he gets the job done. When he went on a scoring streak last year some woman threw her bra on the ice. Funniest shit ever. Willie Mitchell picked it up with his stick and the boys kept it in the dressing room all year. And the stack? BRILLIANT. You rock.

  1. 1 Devils @ Flyers, December 4 2008 « Interchangeable Parts Trackback on December 4, 2008 at 9:47 pm

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