One of my favorite things about watching secondary teams is finding out that I prefer one random team over another. Why would I prefer the Thrashers over Montreal? Who knows, but apparently I do. Tonight, two of my favorite secondary teams faced off, and I was given the opportunity to discover once and for all: Who do I like better the Minnesota Wild, or the Pittsburgh Penguins?
– Sidney Crosby. So spunky! He’s saving hockey! He’s a wunderkind!
– Mark Recchi. He’s old and pleasant looking!
– Maxime Talbot. Cutest effing kid ever. I love him. I love his moostache.
– Sidney Crosby. He’s playing against my fantasy team this week. Uncool, Sid.
– Petr Sykora. Ew.
– I’m not super into Malkin. Don’t know why.
The Minnesota Wild
– Helloooo, I’m from Minnesota?
– I’m going to a Wild game in December.
– I dig how I can’t tell any of the Wild players apart. At first I was annoyed by this, but now I find it sort of sweet it a “Minnesota bland” kind of way. The Wild appeal to the part of me that found Chris Drury (R.I.P.) so very, very fetching.
– I can’t possibly be the first person to point this out, but the Wild’s home jerseys make them look like shopping mall Christmas elves. I hate their home jerseys so much.
– Their name is an adjective (or maybe it’s an adverb). Whatever it is, it’s stupid. The Wild is an annoying name for a hockey team.
So, who did I love the most? Which team grabbed grabbed me by the collar and demanded my love?
The Penguins are so plucky and fun, but the Wild are my people.
I watched this game and my heart was not swayed. I was happy when the Penguins won, but I was also sad when the Wild lost. I couldn’t choose. I want to love them both.
I guess I’m just a ho.