Great game last night. You totally deserved a win. If it’s any consolation, Marty Brodeur is on my fantasy team, so even though the Sabres lost, the Fancy Bits still got a win.
Dear Rest of the Sabres,
Listen, Crunchy doesn’t do 1-0 shutouts. That’s asking too much. And don’t tell me, “But, but it was Marty Brodeur“. I know it was Marty, but you still have got to score more than one goal for Crunchy. This one is on you guys. I think you need to buy Crunchy a present to make up for squandering his awesome game…..something handmade and special.
Someone should learn how to knit, and knit him a new skull cap. Pommers, get on that.
PS- I can’t wait to see you on Tuesday! Make sure to keep an eye out for me. I’ll be the one who looks really cold.
Dear Thomas Vanek,
It’s time to give away some money. It’s time to give away a lot of money….like a million dollars.
Look. The contract is clearly effecting you. Just give some money away. Pick a cause that is meaningful to you, and unburden yourself. Help some people out. You can give away a million dollars and still be a really rich man.
You’ll feel better. I promise.
PS- If you give away a million dollars, I promise to never call you a slag-faced whore again. (Unless, I suppose, you give your money to the Coalition for the Advancement of Slag-Faced Whores annual fund raising drive. I hate CASFW. If I get one more call from them asking for money…….)
Dear Drew Stafford,
I don’t understand how a brain-eating zombie can be concussed. Please explain.
PS- Ever since I learned about your concussion, I’ve had a funny image of you wandering around Buffalo dazed and disoriented with a bandage around your head. It would really make me happy if you wore a bandage like this to the Ronan Tynan concert tomorrow night. Of course, I won’t be there to see it, but still, I would love it tremendously. I think a head bandage would look great with a tuxedo. Feel better soon!