Heeeeey, Hermano

Tonight the Miller brothers go head to head in California.

I have mixed feelings about Drew Miller. I mean, he just swooped in and won the Stanley Cup. Crunchy’s Stanley Cup. I didn’t appreciate that very much. I don’t like his symmetrical face. You can’t trust a Miller with evenly set eyes and a straight brow. I find him unsettling, to say the least.

No, Drew Miller just won’t do.

On the other hand, he is a Crunchy; he can’t be all bad. Plus, our Crunchy seems to like him. Maybe we can neutralize the BabyMiller threat by snatching him up for the Sabres. Crunchy can play on the same team as his brother, and I can stop worrying about his upcoming free agency.

Is there any way we can trade J.P Losman for Drew Miller? Harry Neale for Drew Miller? How about Bucky Gleason and Howard Simon for Drew Miller? The falling apart Peace Bridge for Drew Miller! Mighty Taco for Drew Miller.

Wait. I’ve got it.

Beef on Weck for Drew Miller. They would love beef of weck out in California, and let’s face it, beef on weck just isn’t working very well in our system.

If this post doesn’t prove I belong in the press box, I don’t know what will.

*****

If you want to laugh hysterically and then say, “No, seriously though. Good point,” as you wipe the tears of laughter away, go to Desperation Hockey. Nice one, Gambler!

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21 Responses to “Heeeeey, Hermano”


  1. 1 Matt December 5, 2007 at 3:57 pm

    As a Buffalo transplant to NJ, I must insist that any trade of the beef on ‘weck must involve NJ, not those west-coast pretenders!

  2. 2 Gambler December 5, 2007 at 4:02 pm

    Beef on Weck for Drew Miller.

    Blasphemy! Beef on weck is one of my favorite parts of coming home!

    You can’t trust a Miller with evenly set eyes and a straight brow.

    Hee! I agree. Also, what’s up with BabyCrunchy’s hair? It’s just not wispy and girly enough.

    I can’t wait to see Crunchy try his damndest to shut down the Threat of the Brother (such as it is) tonight. Because you know that’s totally the most important thing to him about this game. (And if he fails, the Miller family better have their tranq guns at the ready!)

  3. 3 jonhoepfinger December 5, 2007 at 4:05 pm

    Mike Gilbert is printing out that Press Pass now.

  4. 4 Katebits December 5, 2007 at 4:29 pm

    I have to admit, I don’t have a lot of reverence for the beef on weck. I mean, it’s okay, but I consider BabyCrunchy a powerful negotiating tool when Ryan’s contract comes up soon, and I don’t think the beef on weck trumps Crunchy.

  5. 5 Sam December 5, 2007 at 6:47 pm

    You’re totally not going to believe this, but I actually made myself a batch of homemade kummelweck rolls a couple of days ago, and have been eating beef on weck for the last two days. Good stuff. I mean, it’s no cheesesteak or anything, but it’s fine.

    Believe me, though, SoCal would not be down.

  6. 6 Amy December 5, 2007 at 6:52 pm

    Mighty Taco for Baby Crunchy?! I’m not sure if that’s a good deal.

    I vote for a Chef’s / Baby Crunchy swap.

  7. 7 Katebits December 5, 2007 at 6:57 pm

    I can’t imagine that Anaheim would accept Chef’s for BabyCrunchy! If they did, I would crown you the most diabolically genius GM in the history of GMs, Amy.

    Sam, you’re right, I doubt SoCal would want the beef on weck. Maybe we could trick them into making the trade sight unseen. I don’t think their scouts are very good.

  8. 8 LizzieB December 6, 2007 at 12:58 am

    So we call Ryan “Whompy” because he’s got the whompy eye going on. Naturally Drew is the Little Whomper. If they had a sister, she’d be the Whompette.

  9. 9 Heather B. December 6, 2007 at 1:07 am

    If they had a sister, she’d be the Whompette.

    They do have a younger sister. No idea if she shares the whompy eye, the skinny frame, and the total lack of humor however.

  10. 10 Katebits December 6, 2007 at 1:21 am

    HAHAHAHAHAHAH! LizzieB! You have rescued me from pits of despair after that hideous game against Anaheim. I love Whompy and the Little Whomper, and I even love Whompette!

  11. 11 Schnookie December 6, 2007 at 1:53 am

    Katebits, this is the finest bit of hockey analysis I have EVER read. You are a hockey journalism savant.

    I think Anaheim would trade you guys BabyCrunchy on the condition that you keep Chef’s.

  12. 12 Katebits December 6, 2007 at 2:04 am

    Is there ANYONE who would take Chef’s for a reasonably healthy, marginally functional hockey player? Please! Someone take Chef’s!

  13. 13 Crunchylover December 6, 2007 at 8:07 am

    Katebits-

    As much as I love your ambition to bring the Miller boys together as a negotiating tool, I am not comfortable with what you are willing to sacrifice for that darling asymmetrical genius we like to call Crunchy. I mean, if Crunchy [why does he have that name anyway?] is a whimsical Druly-for-big-city lover than the hell with him. We have to find a way to love ’em even when our hearts our crushed and they leave us in a puddle of tears.

    Thanks for trying, Katebits… we love you

  14. 14 Katebits December 6, 2007 at 11:42 am

    Crunchylover,

    It’s true! I am willing to sacrifice too much Crunchy. Although I don’t particularly love Chef’s, Mighty Taco, or beef on weck, there are many who hold these WNY culinary traditions dear. I shouldn’t be trading away other people’s favorite foods just to get the Little Whomper in return. (You don’t see chicken wings on the list of trade bait, do you? HELL no!)

    Chris Drury’s betrayal has turned me into a shrill, needy, insecure basket case when it comes to hockey players.

    -Katebits

    PS- There is no good story behind “Crunchy” other than he at times looks a bit like a hippie (even though in reality he clearly is NOT a hippie). I didn’t come up with it for myself, I picked it up over at IPB where Schnookie’s hopeless devotion to Crunchy is well documented.

  15. 15 Schnookie December 6, 2007 at 12:16 pm

    Did you just call my devotion to Crunchy “hopeless”? I… don’t know what to say to that.

    *Slightly wounded death glare*

  16. 16 Patty (in Dallas) December 6, 2007 at 10:59 pm

    I’m from out of town, so forgive the stupid question:

    What in THE. HELL. is beef on weck?

    I expect it to sound delicious, but I’m a little nervous.

  17. 17 Katebits December 6, 2007 at 11:26 pm

    Hee. Patty, I had never heard of Beef on weck until I moved here. It’s beef (duh) on a kummelweck roll. A kummelweck roll is a kaiser roll with tons of salt and caraway seeds. The sandwich is serve with horseradish, which is my biggest issue with the beef on weck. It’s a big deal around here, almost as beloved as the chicken wing, but it’s not really my thing.

  18. 18 Matt December 6, 2007 at 11:54 pm

    My God, Liz! You’ve shared the secret of Whompy! How could you? Now the beauty of Crunchy has been tainted by our little secret. You are officially no longer welcome to tag along on my HOF, away game, or other hockey vacations!

  19. 19 Patty (in Dallas) December 7, 2007 at 12:02 am

    Thanks, Kate! It sounds good, all except the caraway seeds.

  20. 20 Katebits December 7, 2007 at 12:13 pm

    Oh, Matt and Lizzie! Calm yourselves! I LOVE Whompy! Crunchy’s new nickname is totally Whompy! Soon, when Ryan Miller is introducing himself he’ll say, “My name is Crunchy, but a lot of people call me Whompy.”

    Can I come on your hockey vacations?!

    BabyCrunchy’s legal name has been changed to The Little Whomper. That’s a done deal.

  21. 21 far2paranoid December 7, 2007 at 10:59 pm

    Heck yeah! You’re more than welcome on the vaca’s! This year’s project is as many arenas as possible. I’ve already hit Toronto, New York/A, New York/B, New Jersey, Buffalo, Washington and Boston. I was supposed to do the southern swing 2 weeks ago, but the driver got sick =)


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