Stupid Bruins

-Robin and I bounded happily into the game tonight, and shuffled sadly out a few hours later. I’m scared that I make them lose. They are 1-3 with me in the building. At least tonight (unlike the last two games I attended), the Sabres had a lot of zip in their game. At first I felt guilty, but on further reflexion, I now refuse to take responsibility for this loss. There were clearly darker forces at work than anything I am capable of conjuring up. Which leads me to my next point….

-The Bruins are clearly using witchcraft against the Sabres, and I don’t like it a bit. Personally, I don’t think that sorcery and black magic should be allowed in the NHL.

-I don’t know why we hate Chara, but I followed the lead of the crowd and booed him every time he touched the puck. All I know about Chara is that he is big and ugly and he is a witch.

I dislike you for no reason that I am aware of.

-Crunchy got hurt in the third period, and he says it was his ankle, but I think he just got knocked in the beans.

-I hate the Transitown Dodge Blimp. I hate it so much.

-Is it just me, or is Goose a really handy Sabre to have around these days? I get confused about him because he is so tall and handsome.

-Toni Lydman and I are in a fight. Ordinarily his spacey disposition is what I love the most about Toni Tony Tone, but tonight he took things way too far. You’re sleeping on the couch tonight, buddy.

-With the exception of a few hideous turnovers which cost them the game, it looked to me like the Sabres played pretty decently tonight, they just couldn’t score. Wait. That makes no sense. Let’s try again. With the exception of sucking both defensively and offensively, the Sabres were pretty good tonight. Heh. It was confusing. During a lot of the game it felt like they should be winning, but they just…..weren’t. At all.

-Brian Campbell took a few shots that were, like, forty feet wide of the net. During the power plays, Robin and I kept joking, “Nooooo, whatever you do, DON’T SHOOT, Soupy!” I only mention this because I am very pleased with how much better I have gotten at watching hockey. An individual player taking crappy shots is something I wouldn’t have noticed even a few weeks ago. So, at least I’m getting better at hockey.


22 Responses to “Stupid Bruins”

  1. 1 Pookie December 10, 2007 at 11:52 pm

    Zdeno Chara is SO a witch! I bet he doesn’t float. Witch! Witch!

  2. 2 Schnookie December 11, 2007 at 12:03 am

    Well, if you can see the witchery, you’ve definitely graduated to “expert” as a hockey watcher. Nicely done, Katebits!

  3. 4 Gambler December 11, 2007 at 2:01 am

    During a lot of the game it felt like they should be winning, but they just…..weren’t. At all.

    That’s exactly how I felt watching this game! I was simultaneously thrilled and disgusted by the way the Sabres were playing. I don’t like that feeling.

    There is some kind of black magick (the k makes it extra evil) at work here, definitely. Although I have to admit I love playing the Bruins because it means there’s a good chance I’ll get to Roy and Chara standing next to each other. And that’s just way too hilarious! But losing to the Bruins? Ugh. Just completely demoralizing, given how easily we’ve handled them in past seasons.

  4. 5 Heather B. December 11, 2007 at 7:12 am

    Toni misses Hank. Okay, yes, he occasionally makes a bad turnover even with Hank… But he totally misses him. He’s tired of playing with Sekera!

    Brian Campbell took a few shots that were, like, forty feet wide of the net.

    He was the worst but he wasn’t alone. Good lord, fellas, could we try to keep it in the building?

  5. 6 Robin December 11, 2007 at 8:06 am

    Stupid blimp . . . perhaps the blimp had something to do with the black magik?!?! It came out between every period and floated stupidly around, probably dropping pixie dust!

  6. 7 Glenn December 11, 2007 at 8:10 am

    Hmmmm….I think we need to go around HSBC with a burning sage stick to ward off the Bruins’ bad and evil witchcraft. You in?

  7. 8 Matt December 11, 2007 at 8:27 am

    I figure we need to have the equipment managers run around with some lit torches. That way, FrankenChara will freak out and run to a corner, screaming.

    Did anyone else think it was hysterical that Roy kept slamming into Chara last night and getting knocked on his butt like Wile E. Coyote running into a tree?

  8. 10 Katebits December 11, 2007 at 9:10 am


    I LOVE Charbacca! Gold Stars to Dan and Matt!

  9. 11 Katebits December 11, 2007 at 9:13 am

    Seriously, though. Why ,do we hate Charbacca? Is it really just because he’s big and ugly? (not that that isn’t a perfectly good reason to hate a person. :D)

  10. 12 Katebits December 11, 2007 at 9:13 am

    Matt, did you do that fine photoshopping yourself?

  11. 13 Heather B. December 11, 2007 at 9:29 am

    Kate, Chara used to play for Ottawa which, I believe, is where the hate really started. Other than that I think he’s just big and funny-looking. I don’t really get it – I dislike Daniel Alfredsson FAR more – but hey, whatever Buffalo.

    I have to say, I love that little blimp!

  12. 14 Katebits December 11, 2007 at 9:35 am

    I have to say, I love that little blimp!

    Well, you are crazy. That blimp is wrong. :P (For some reason, Robin and I channeled a lot of our frustration towards the blimp. They made this big spectacle of announcing, “HERE’S THE TRANSITOWN BLIMP!” And then the blimp just floated around aimlessly for the duration of the intermission. It didn’t even drop Big Mac coupons, or t-shirts. It just floated there like a big, fat, stupid mini-blimp.)

  13. 15 Meg December 11, 2007 at 10:13 am

    I think a lot of the Chara booing just has to do with booing the other team’s good players, no? And because people feel like he gets away with dirty play (although personally I’ve never thought he was a particularly dirty player). I don’t know . . . I kind of enjoyed him saying he eats twins on This Hour Has 22 Minutes.

  14. 16 Crunchylover December 11, 2007 at 10:54 am

    Here we go again… the tumult of being a Sabres fan is not an easy pill to swallow. I mean, how much can we take?

    Good going Charbacca creators..
    Nice job, Katebits for your ever-enlightening commentary…
    Great effort Sabres, for making my stomach ache and throat hurt from screaming at the TV all night long. Can you just give me some damn peace once in awhile??? A good night’s sleep is all I ask- like three in a row would be perfectly acceptable…
    Lydman, as much as we love your spacey space-head. I would like to see more resolve out of you…

    Ok, I am going to take a nap now.
    Crunchy, get well mein freund.

  15. 17 jonhoepfinger December 11, 2007 at 12:49 pm

    My girlfriend was like, do they drop things from the blimp? At Tennessee they’d drop coupons and t shirts from a blimp. I’m like nope, the Sabres are too cheap for that.

  16. 18 Amy December 11, 2007 at 12:51 pm

    And because people feel like he gets away with dirty play (although personally I’ve never thought he was a particularly dirty player).

    I kind of like that Chara doesn’t use his height as an excuse a lot of the time (coughProngercough). But other than that, not really a fan.

    Is it just me, or is Goose a really handy Sabre to have around these days?

    Yes, yes, he is quite handy.

  17. 19 Matt December 11, 2007 at 1:06 pm

    Kate: Yeah, I photoshopped that up in 5 minutes this morning at work.

    Also, be glad that the stupid blimp isn’t the same as that giant Shark one in San Jose. I swear to God, it’s gotta be more than 20′ long. The only thing it’s good for is bumping into the back of the color-man’s head during intermission shows.

    As for why we hate Chara, there’s no big secret. He’s good, in a really stressing way. He’s a huge man that uses that mass to punish a small team like ours and throw them around like ragdolls. (It’s those damn leafs, but this’ll give you an idea of what I mean… )

    It’s certainly not that he plays dirty, though. I think in 9 years I’ve only seen him throw 2 really questionable hits and both of them were with the Islanders back in 98-99.

    I guess my point is, we hate him because he has a HUGE advantage on us in size and he uses it very effectively.

  18. 20 Katebits December 11, 2007 at 2:25 pm

    Here we go again… the tumult of being a Sabres fan is not an easy pill to swallow.

    Since this is the first year I’ve been paying attention, I have no experience with the ebb and flow of an entire season, but this team seems INSANE, Crunchylover. They are trying to make us crazy like them I suspect.

    Matt, that video is absurd!

  19. 21 shari December 12, 2007 at 11:16 am

    Chara is such a big, dumb, stupid, giant bully!
    I’m off work today so I put my brain away. It’s in my purse, along with my husbands penis so if I really need it later, I’ll know where to find it.

  1. 1 6 Things About Beating the Blackhawks « The Willful Caboose Trackback on December 12, 2009 at 1:08 pm

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