The True Story of How the Ice Bowl Sucked Ass

As many of you know, HeatherB recently broke her ankle, which is why I ended up getting to go to the Ice Bowl. She was too injured to attend, and her husband Mark was too loyal to go without her, and so they gave their tickets to me and Robin.

Before you start feeling too sorry for Heather, let me tell you the truth about the Ice Bowl: It totally sucked. I know, I know, yesterday I went on and on about how wonderful it was, but it was all lies. After Gary Bettman delivered the suitcase of cash to Crunchy to compel him to let Sid win in the shootout, he called me and made me agree to write a positive post about the stinking Ice Bowl. (Oh, excuse me Mr. Bettman, the Winter Classic). I’ve been feeling dirty all day about that post, and I’ve decided that a chicken finger sub from Jim’s Steakout isn’t enough to buy my silence. I’m sorry Mr. Bettman, but your bribe was insufficient (but delicious); I’ve got to tell the truth about the Ice Bowl experience.

First of all, because we aren’t really tailgaters, Robin and I got stuck in traffic.

And this was the traffic before the game.

The traffic wouldn’t have been so terrible if we hadn’t been wearing ninety-five layers of clothing.

When we finally got the car parked, we spent a few fruitless minutes searching in vain for the BfloBlog tailgate. No dice. We never found them, but we did encounter all manner of drunken fans. Then, I bought a $10 souvenir program which was immediately soaking wet because of the constant precipitation. Plus, the program was totally stupid.

When we gave up on finding BfloBlog, we couldn’t resist going inside and finding our seats. Because the seats were in the obstructed view section, we had no idea what we would encounter. Well, the seats were nearly intolerable. I’m surprised we didn’t leave right then. Frankly, we should have. We were sitting directly underneath the scoreboard, which was fine before the game started because all they were showing was that clip of Crunchy taking pictures of the lake in his green hoodie that we’ve all seen twenty million times.

Yes Crunchy, we know….right now hockey’s the job, but photography’s the release. We GET it. You’re serious about your craft.

After the game began, the whining really began.

This sign says, “I’m cold”. See? Even our pictures turned out crappy.

 

I did my best to represent HeatherB, but I could tell Hank was sad without her.

 

 

And then, as you all know, the game was pretty bad. Snow everywhere, slow moving, low scoring, it was a terrible game. And to top it all off, after a day of sitting in the cold, wet and bored, we spent two hours trying to get out of the parking lot. Good times.

So, basically, the Ice Bowl was horrible, but good manners dictate that I still say…….

Don’t be fooled by our smiles. They’re just masking our pain and rage.

*UPDATE*

Heather, look away now….

(I can’t deal with the thought that anyone would think I didn’t love the Ice Bowl.  Just to be clear, I LOVED the Ice Bowl.  This entire post is joke designed to amused Heather whose broken ankle prevented her from attending the Ice Bowl herself.)

 

 

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16 Responses to “The True Story of How the Ice Bowl Sucked Ass”


  1. 1 Matt January 2, 2008 at 11:00 pm

    I totally have to start shutting my mouth until at least 6 hours after any game. I’m gonna start making people really mad with spoilers!

  2. 2 Heather B. January 2, 2008 at 11:27 pm

    Ha! I knew it would suck! I knew it! And I knew Hank would miss me! That’s why he didn’t score! I’m really sorry to have put you through such a cold, wretched day, Kate and Robin. I’m glad you both survived in one piece!

  3. 3 Katebits January 2, 2008 at 11:34 pm

    Heather, it really was terrible. You’re so lucky you weren’t there.

  4. 4 Schnookie January 3, 2008 at 1:31 am

    Katebits, your honesty is so welcome in this time of lies, damned lies. I’m so glad to know that the price of your integrity is greater than one chicken finger sub. :D

    (Oh, and Matt, your spoilers have no power over me! Mwahahaha!)

  5. 5 blitzen January 3, 2008 at 7:21 am

    Katebits,

    Sorry you had such a lousy time. Sometimes the event does not live up to the hype and I totally understand the frustration of being caught up in traffic – I have no patience for that stuff.

    But, if they ever have it up here in Ottawa (not bloodly likely even though we have the world’s longest outdoor skating rink and know a thing or two about ice – an outdoor game on the Rideau Canal – now THERE’s a gimmick), I would still go. Just because. And I would endure all the attendant indignities. Just because.

    Mostly just because I’m a dorky fan.

    Glad you were there to endure it for the rest of us who couldn’t be there. We lived vicariously through your misery. (this isn’t a shot – it looked like great fun on TV)

    Thanks for taking one for the team.

  6. 6 Pookie January 3, 2008 at 9:29 am

    Poor Katebits and Robin, suffering through such terrible, terrible pain and misery!

    (Matt — no worries, seriously. We should have mentioned in the teaser post that we weren’t reading the comments so anyone could say what they wished without fear of spoiling anything. Ever since we found out hours before the awards show aired in the US that Pando hadn’t won the Selke, we’ve been pretty good about protecting ourselves from unwanted information.)

  7. 7 Amy January 3, 2008 at 9:41 am

    Crunchy gets cash, you get a chicken finger sub. Someone should tell Bettman that’s not fair.

    You can really track the evolution of the Sabres through Crunchy’s hairstyles. There’s the short and geeky rookie look, the playoff Jesus look and now the 5th Beatle forward comb look.

  8. 8 Katebits January 3, 2008 at 10:17 am

    (Oh, Blitzen! I had the best time in the WORLD at the Ice Bowl! It was a great day for hockey and an even greater day for Buffalo! This post is meant to be a joke, and intended to make Heather, feel better about not going. Seriously, the Ice Bowl was THE GREATEST.)

  9. 9 Heather B. January 3, 2008 at 10:37 am

    (Oh, Blitzen! I had the best time in the WORLD at the Ice Bowl! It was a great day for hockey and an even greater day for Buffalo! This post is meant to be a joke, and intended to make Heather, feel better about not going. Seriously, the Ice Bowl was THE GREATEST.)

    Wait… What?!

  10. 10 Katebits January 3, 2008 at 10:41 am

    Oh no! Heather! I was just LYING to Blitzen (Bettman just showed up with another chicken finger sub. I’m hepless against them.)….ack! This web of lies is getting me all confused….the REAL truth is that you are SO LUCKY you didn’t go. I would break my own ankle to avoid it if I had it to do over.

  11. 12 Shari January 3, 2008 at 2:47 pm

    You really had a bad time?? Whew! I thought maybe you were responding a little sarcastically to my rotton reveiw of
    NBC’s Sydney Crosby Show. Because even though I sat through the
    worst Bills game weather wise about 10 years ago, and swore I
    would never sit outside for a sports event ever again in that cold,
    rain, sleet, hail, wind and snow, I would have sat through that
    Ice Bowl. I think.
    BUT, Im’ feelin the pain you went through. Even your bones were
    cold when you came home huh?

  12. 13 Katebits January 3, 2008 at 3:13 pm

    Shari, I’m still not quite warm, but yes, the Ice Bowl was wonderful and I would do it again tomorrow if I could.

  13. 14 Destiny January 3, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    I recently found your blog on a random Google Search, and I have been reading back through the archives for a bit. I decided to leave a comment because I really like your writings! I’m a huge Sabres fan, have been since I was a kid. I really enjoy your sense of humor and honesty when posting, keep it up! :)

  14. 15 Katebits January 3, 2008 at 3:44 pm

    Hi, Destiny! Welcome to The Willful Caboose! I am so glad you like it and please feel free to chime in anytime.

  15. 16 kittens61 March 9, 2008 at 3:13 am

    omg you were in the rockpile! i had season tickets for the bills this season and my seats were around there


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