Tough Love

One of the things that I love about writing this blog is that it challenges me to find, if not the bright side, than at least the funny side of whatever steaming pile of poo the Sabres are currently serving. I think that most of the time I’m up to the task, but lately, oh daddy, lately, things have been tough. Ten game losing streak. Soupy’s threatening to go off the reservation. The natives are all up in arms. Can’t score. Vanek is a mess. Everyone is injured. Lindy is….something.

These are the day that days that try blogger’s souls.

I think that some of the Sabres are just being brats now. Get out the child psychology books, because these guys need their heads examined. We’ve got a bunch of boys acting up, but let’s not give them the attention they so desperately seek. It’s time for some firm guidance.

Yeah, yeah, I see you there, Soupy, but I’m not impressed with your antics. Tim Connolly, I GET IT, your groin hurts. Yes, that must be awful for you. Poor, poor Timmy and his broken groin! Petey, until you learn to play like a big boy, I’m afraid I’m going to have to put you on a time out. Roy-Z, just……zip it. Nah! You heard me! ZIP. IT. Vanek, didn’t anybody ever teach you that money can’t buy happiness? Don’t come back here until you’ve given away a million dollars. Go! Now! Lindy……Lindy, Lindy, Lindy. Lindy, you need to take this megaphone, and yell at them until they listen. If that doesn’t work, I’m going to get MY megaphone and yell at YOU until you listen. Got it? Goose, Mairsy, Pie….good work….here’s a cookie. Crunchy, I’m putting you in charge until I get back.

19 Responses to “Tough Love”

  1. 1 Schnookie January 17, 2008 at 7:15 pm

    I have no doubt that starting tomorrow, things are going to be different around Sabreland. It is impossible for me to think that this blog post won’t be the thing that solves all their problems. I’d say something like, “If this can’t get them to snap out of it, nothing will”, but frankly, I just can’t imagine that it won’t snap them out of it.

  2. 2 Pookie January 17, 2008 at 7:18 pm

    Can I make a request? Can tomorrow’s blog post be a view of what the scene was like after you left and Crunchy was left in charge? Please? Pretty please? Pretty, pretty please with a HONK on top?

  3. 3 Amy January 17, 2008 at 7:38 pm

    I agree with Pookie. I want to see Crunchy in charge of the team. I’m envisioning massive amounts of hipster apparel and a motherfucking walkoff in preparation for the Catwalk for Charity.

  4. 4 Pookie January 17, 2008 at 8:26 pm

    a motherfucking walkoff in preparation for the Catwalk for Charity.


    It’ll be “feeee-ierce!”

  5. 5 Shari January 17, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    Crunchy kinda…turns me on when he’s in charge. Sorry Teppo.

  6. 6 Sam January 17, 2008 at 10:33 pm

    Not to mix sports or anything, but when one of my teams is on a long losing streak for no apparent reason, and drama is busting out all over, I go back and watch this…

  7. 7 Dan January 18, 2008 at 1:04 am

    Right on Sam –

    But I’m sick of this shit. I find myself watching random teams on Center Ice. Chicago, Edmonton, Calgary, Vancouver…..they are entertaining to watch. I like them. I am discovering Western hockey allover again. Its not too bad!!! The Sabres need to fix this….and now. They have just lost one eighth of the season, in a row. Come on!! Where is the passion we have seen the last two years? And don’t say its Drury and Briere.

  8. 8 Dan January 18, 2008 at 1:06 am

    Oh, and Kate, you were all Ga-Ga looking at Stafford and Miller during the BPO concert that we say last night on MSG. Well done!!!!!!

  9. 9 Gambler January 18, 2008 at 1:37 am

    Tim Connolly, I GET IT, your groin hurts.

    Does he think I can’t see through his plan, here? He’s totally faking it just so he can get close to my dad again. How immature.

  10. 10 Mags January 18, 2008 at 3:21 am

    There is not this ISN’T going to work. I may be sort of losing it imagining you go “no. zip it. no. zip it. zip it” to Roy. I’m not sure how I’m going to get through lectures this way, but it’ll be great.

  11. 11 Becky January 18, 2008 at 3:54 am

    Speaking of tweaky groins:

    Either Max & Timmy don’t want to be traded so they’re sitting on the injury bench so no one will want them.

    OR they’re both massively pouting about being yelled at.

    The memories of Hasek’s mysterious groin injuries loom over them.

    Of course, they could really be hurting, but there’s no fun speculating on that.

  12. 12 Amanda January 18, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    Here’s a cookie.

    I was laughing my ASS off when I read that.

    Here’s to them figuring out that they’re not only adults, but professional athletes who get paid handsomely to actually SHOW UP to the game. *raising glass* I might as well get started with the drinking now. That way, by game time I’ll be too sloshed to care if they tank another one.

  13. 13 KatheelovesDrew January 18, 2008 at 1:52 pm

    I’m joining Amanda in the early drinking. After all, it IS Friday, and I have plenty of Vodka.

  14. 14 Jennifer January 18, 2008 at 1:53 pm

    Amen Amanda!!!

  15. 15 jonhoepfinger January 18, 2008 at 2:55 pm

    Hey not only are they losing a lot, they are getting paid lots of money to lose alot. Hey I’ll take half of what Peters gets paid to go out there and lose.

    I’ll wait til later to start drinking.

  16. 16 Amanda January 18, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    Oh, come on Jon, join us! Have a drink or three!

    How many of you think that the sports psychologist that Thomas Vanek is seeing (Dear God, I hope he’s seeing one) just bought an island in the South Pacific with the money he’s made off of Vanek? I wonder if Van pays for the guy (or girl) to travel with the team, or if he weeps into his cell phone after yet another sub-par game? If so, how many phones has he gone through this season?

    Ok, I’m done. Bitterness does not become me, I know. Back to the vodka.

  17. 17 LizzieB January 18, 2008 at 8:11 pm

    I think Max and Timmy need to look into the Clark the Canadian Hockey Goalie workout plan. I’m too lazy to find it for you, but it’s on YouTube. My groin has never felt better.

  18. 18 Tennis tuition lessons December 3, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    Hey. Thanks for sharing this! Very very very helpful :) I am a great fan of tennis, so very interesting !

  1. 1 Tough Love Works! « The Willful Caboose Trackback on January 19, 2008 at 1:33 am

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