I’m pretty sure my firm guidance is what set you on course for your amazing night, and with respect to that, I’m going to offer the you a sober “congratulations” (translation: OMG!OMG!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!). Now, you know as well as I, that this team has had several “turning points” only to be plunged back into mediocrity the next game. (translation: THIS TIME IT’S FOR REAL! WE’RE NEVER GOING TO LOSE AGAIN!) You mustn’t allow yourselves to focus for too long on this particular win. (Translation: HIGH FIVE, STAFFY! HIGH FIVE, ROY-Z! Ah hell, HIGH FIVE, VANEK! WOOO-OOOT! WOOT! WOOOOOT!) While tonight was a positive step forward, you still have a long way to go. (Translation: WE’RE ON OUR WAY, BABY!) I must insist that you don’t allow this game to go to your heads. (Translation: Seriously though. Don’t get cocky.)
With (tough) love,
PS: Private to Derek Roy: I forgot to take you off the bench on my fantasy team tonight. Your 4 point night was awesome for me, the Sabres fan, and bittersweet for me, the manager of the Fancy Bits. I am a fairly superstitious manager and fan, so I assure you, your fine play while sitting on the F-Bit bench did not go unnoticed. If allowing my fantasy team to tank is what it takes to motivate you to play hard, fine. Until further notice, you’re benched. But don’t get lazy Mister, because the minute you start sucking, the Fancy Bits are going to play you all the time.
PPS: Private to Drew Stafford: Against all reason and statistical analysis, I have kept you on my fantasy team. Tonight you made the F-Bits proud. I’m pleased to announce that you are the Fancy Bit of the Week. Congratulations!