Thanks, But No More For Me. I’m Done.

I’m new at this, so I’m not entirely sure what the proper protocol is for turning in my fan credentials. Is there a bureau at City Hall, or something? If I quit now, do I get my membership dues back in full, or do they prorate it for the months of hockey I’ve already “enjoyed” this season? I’m really ready to turn in my gun, but I kind of like the badge. (I still can’t believe they sent a gun with my “Welcome to Hockey” beginner’s kit. That just seems like asking for trouble.) I really like this billfold Buffaslug badge, though. I wouldn’t mind hanging on to it as a memento of the time I lost my mind and became oddly devoted to the Buffalo Sabres. Also, there are a few Sabres I’d like to break the news to in person (out of respect, not anger), but I’m not sure how to get ahold of them. There are no Crunchys listed in the phone book. There was a Goose, but I’m don’t think it was the Goose because when I dialed the number, the dude said, “Hello” instead of “HONK!” That can’t be him, right? As much as it would help me to explain the situation to Pommerdoodle, let’s face it, he forgets about everyone as soon as they leave the room, so there is no reason to put him through a big emotional goodbye. I’ve already talked to Toni Lydman, and he said, “No worries. I totally understand. This shit is getting old.” I guess that attitude is why I liked him in the first place, but I’ve got to say, I hate it when a guy is so understanding about a breakup. It makes it so much harder, you know?

So, I guess this blog is just going to have to be about the viola from now on. You guys cool with that?



15 Responses to “Thanks, But No More For Me. I’m Done.”

  1. 1 Glenn January 20, 2008 at 2:24 am

    Ummm…Kate….please tell me you’re not serious….

  2. 2 DS January 20, 2008 at 2:28 am

    No. Tough love for Katebits! Where does your membership card say that you’re entitled to a winning season??? (And if you check, I’ll believe you’ll notice that the gun is full of horse tranquilizers – don’t get too high after a win, don’t get too low after a loss.)

    As so many people said last night, “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?!?!”

    You get back here, young lady!

    Suck it up!

    (P.S. If you quit now, you’ll never get to see the HHOF. And I hear it’s pretty nifty…)

  3. 3 Katebits January 20, 2008 at 2:48 am

    Oh, don’t worry guys. I’m just trying to fake those little bastards out! I mean, I totally hate hockey, and I hope every last one of them is traded, but now that I have “Sabres4evah” tattooed on my ass, there’s really no turning back. (Oh and DS, the horse tranquilizers toooootally helped.)

  4. 4 DS January 20, 2008 at 3:03 am

    Well, if you are drawing up emotional divorcement papers from the Sabres, you know it’s only fair that they take the losses and you take the wins, right?

    I mean, if they want to lose, that’s their business, not yours!

    If they should decide to win again, you can accept that. Hockey alimony!
    (and the -Ookies may have a point with that whole “just assume they’re going to lose *every* game!” view. it’s not two points, but I guess you have to take what you can get. see what I did there? :D)

  5. 5 Heather B. January 20, 2008 at 7:45 am

    God, these guys suck! I hate the Sabres! I hate ’em!

  6. 6 Amy January 20, 2008 at 8:44 am

    I wouldn’t mind a little viola talk every now and then.

    As bleak as it looks right now, it could be worse. We could be Leafs fans.

  7. 7 CrotchetyOriginalSam January 20, 2008 at 10:16 am

    I still can’t believe they sent a gun with my “Welcome to Hockey” beginner’s kit…

    Not all the kits come with those. Just the ones sent to Buffalo, Detroit, and Newark. Gotta make sure all the neophyte fans can actually make it to the arena without getting mugged or murdered…

    (In Minny, the kits come with a can of cream of mushroom soup. Just in case.)

  8. 8 Gambler January 20, 2008 at 12:04 pm

    Kate, might I suggest moving to Europe for a few months? It’s incredibly therapeutic.

    And what, no break up speech for Yo-Yo? Are we so far removed from the days when he almost won KFS?

  9. 9 Katebits January 20, 2008 at 12:23 pm

    Oh, Yo-Yo knows how I feel! That’s why we love him so much, he’s just solid and requires very little emotional reassurance.

  10. 10 Gambler January 20, 2008 at 12:39 pm

    As usual you’re right, Katebits. Yo-Yo’s very practical and doesn’t like getting wishy-washy. I’m glad he’s finally gotten over his lingering sadness about me leaving the country and is scoring again.

  11. 11 Jonathan January 20, 2008 at 1:15 pm

    I’m sure when the Sabres hear the news, they will break out with a good streak to win back your love. But Kate, don’t let that winning streak sway you. You make sure they know they have to make a commitment to make the playoffs to win Katebits back.

  12. 12 Katebits January 20, 2008 at 2:26 pm

    That’s the thing, Jon! I don’t know if I can ever trust these guys again! … might take a Stanley Cup Championship ring on my finger for me to fully heal. :D

  13. 13 danielleia January 20, 2008 at 3:49 pm

    I think Ronan needs a Stanley Cup ring on his finger too, to replace the Yankees. We should also have all of our names on the Cup although we might need another trophy. Or three.

    P.S. The viola piece IS useful, I agree.

  14. 14 Pookie January 20, 2008 at 9:56 pm

    Katebits, it’s gonna be a beautiful day tomorrow! Don’t do it!

    Schnookie and I are going to chalk this up as another reason we can’t ever go down to New Orleans again — we weren’t here to email you off the ledge and you’ve gone and changed your banner! Not cook!

  15. 15 Heather B. January 21, 2008 at 3:51 am

    Kate, upon re-reading this I think I’ve officially decided that thinking about Toni saying, “This shit is getting old,” will always crack me up. Always. I don’t know why but there it is.

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