Beside Myself

You guys, how are we going to TOLERATE the next ten games? I’ve made my peace with not making the playoffs, but boy, it’s rough watching them skate around dispassionately. Real rough. I’m scared that in these last ten games Crunchy is going to decide he doesn’t want to be a Sabre anymore.

I don’t want to fret; in fact, if it’s possible, I wouldn’t mind enjoying these last few games. How can I make this happen? Why hasn’t Lindy put Sabretooth in the game yet? I feel like Sabretooth is the obvious solution here.

I am open to any and all suggestions that will help me not want to throw my television out the window while watching the Sabres. Any ideas? I love Crunchy in his shower cap, but I don’t want to start associating it with searing frustration. That image is too sacred, you know? That image deserves better than to be trotted out every time the Sabres lose. I need a back-up plan.


34 Responses to “Beside Myself”

  1. 1 Pookie March 13, 2008 at 11:07 pm

    Sabretooth in a shower cap?

  2. 2 Meg March 13, 2008 at 11:10 pm

    I’ve decided I’m a big fan of the draft. Uh…beyond that I don’t have many plans except maybe drinking through the games or not paying very much attention to them or both.

  3. 3 Meg March 13, 2008 at 11:13 pm

    Oh, yes, you could alternate the Crunchy with shower cap pic with Crunchy with puppy. Although the puppy kind of looks like he too is fearing the Sabres next several games.

  4. 4 Katebits March 13, 2008 at 11:28 pm

    Awwwww! Crunchy and the Catwalk puppy! So cute!

  5. 5 Zach March 14, 2008 at 5:42 am

    I think Crunchy long ago decided he wasnt going to be a Sabre anymore. Hence why he gets beat on the same move over and over and over again.

  6. 6 Jennifer March 14, 2008 at 6:54 am

    Once I reconciled with the fact that the Sabres weren’t going to get a playoff spot, my “Plan B” was for them to end the season with a tiny bit of dignity, but….. I don’t think that’s gonna happen either, so on to “Plan C”…. end the season with laughter. Mix it all up, put Hank in the goal, Crunchy and Goose as Dmen, T-Bo, Lydman and Spacek as forwards. Just put everyone in a position that they’ve never played before and see what happens.

  7. 7 kathee March 14, 2008 at 7:24 am

    They should totally do that for the last home game!

  8. 8 Mags March 14, 2008 at 7:26 am

    I’m with Jeniffer, I think the Sabres should end the season in the most hilarious way possible. I think Sabretooth should play too :D That may be the only way we’re going to remember this time with any sort of fondness. At least it was funny.

  9. 9 Mags March 14, 2008 at 7:27 am

    Jennifer, I’m sorry I spelled your name wrong *headdesk*

  10. 10 Jennfer March 14, 2008 at 7:45 am

    That’s fine Mags, I’ve been called worse.

    Right, we do need to bring Sabretooth into the mix, why not let him coach?

  11. 11 Amy March 14, 2008 at 7:56 am

    I need a back-up plan.

    Have you tried watching the Fabian video (with the sound off, of course), and just being amazed at the ridiculousness of the leopard print pants, nunchucks and Staffy’s guns?

  12. 12 Anne March 14, 2008 at 8:32 am

    Ok, people, what’s the problem here? We spend a GREAT DEAL of our time thinking of totally ridiculous situations/nicknames/personal likes and dislikes/crazy photos/totally false stories about our Sabres, I think it’s time to put this season of our wackiness to good use and come up with the most ridiculous line formations and shenanigans for our last home game.

    I say we put Rayzor, Lindy and James Patrick back on the ice as the “geriatric line” we have Nolan Pratt’s daughter coach the team with Jaro’s roughly 3 month old son as the assistant coach. We put Roysie in net with Thibault and Kotalik as our top defensive pair. We throw Petey on the top line with Vanek and Kalinin. Staffy, instead of playing actual hockey will spend the entire time he’s on the ice (dressed in that fabian costume of course, with the team logo stapled to the front) screaming into the end of his stick. Goose will skate lazy slow circles around his own net, tossing halogen light bulbs over the glass to the crowd. Pommerdoodle will skate frantically in circles at center ice, chasing his tail. Big Bear will spend the whole game looking for a tree to scratch his back on. Danny Paille will of course be throwing banana creme pies in the faces of all his opponents on the bench, not when they’re on the ice, this is good fun, people, that could be bad. Toni Lydman, (wearing the face cage) can carry an old school 1980s boombox blasting Pantera at full tilt with one hand, and still try to handle the puck with the other. Millsey will do the play by play for RJ because RJ will be driving the Zamboni. Kaleta will give up his life as a pest who hits things and spend the game trying to make peace with his opponents by hugging them whenever possible. At some point, a player (to be determined later) will give up all hope and start stripping ala Ned Braden in Slap Shot.

    It will be the greatest hockey game of all time.

  13. 13 Jennfer March 14, 2008 at 8:53 am

    Anne, I think you need to send that suggestion in to and see if they can make it happen. I know we’d all like to remember this season for something other than painful disappointments.

  14. 14 Pookie March 14, 2008 at 8:56 am

    Anne, if that stuff doesn’t happen, I am going to be so angry!

    (:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Especially the bit about Big Bear and also the bit about the banana creme pies. Oh, and the stuff about Staffy, of course.)

  15. 15 Erin March 14, 2008 at 9:02 am

    With regard to the acceptance of no play-off spot, I have been feeling the same way. I’ve been trying to just ‘enjoy’ the games in a simple way and accept that this just was not the year of the Sabre.

    But yesterday I was reading something on tsn or somewhere about how Toronto was still in the race. Toronto? Really? I mean, I know they’ve been going strong lately and showing maybe more spirt than the Sabres but, in the race?

    If they’re in the race then the Sabres are in the race! We can’t give up yet! ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh

    I just got an overwhelming sweep of bad vibes as I thought about our depleted defence corps and our beaten down offense. Not trying to be funny. I was really trying to lift myself up there, but reality has sunk in.

    Nevermind. Sorry to waste your time.

  16. 16 Amy March 14, 2008 at 9:04 am

    Big Bear will spend the whole game looking for a tree to scratch his back on.

    That’s better than him doing his best Winnie the Pooh impression and getting stuck in the doorway to the bench.

    At some point, a player (to be determined later) will give up all hope and start stripping ala Ned Braden in Slap Shot.

    The only player you didn’t mention above was Hank. I guess he gets this honor by default. Someone just make sure there’s a fainting couch near Heather.

  17. 17 Jennfer March 14, 2008 at 9:13 am

    Oh, oh, oh, I would pay money to see Hank do a little stripping. I think I may just pass out thinking about it. Doesn’t he have the cutest smile and dimples???

  18. 18 Kris March 14, 2008 at 9:37 am

    Sabretooth would make a great backup goalie, sometimes when the Timbits play, he stops their shots! He must be really into it to stop them too, I mean the kids are like 6.

    I say you keep the blogs light and fun like the “Sabres Girlfriend” post, or the “Yearbook Day” post. Maybe it will lighten the mood, take the pressure off the STILL rich Thomas Vanek, and they might play better? Some ideas? Well I keep hearing about how Pommerdoodle and Goose are roomates on the road, and according to The Hockey News I read a few weeks ago, they nap together. I’m sure you could take that and run with it. Maybe you could keep on with funny picture quests like the Helmet Nuzzle. I personally like the “Players Reaction to Guys From the Other Team Being Hit Into Your Bench”. Lots of great faces there.

  19. 19 Jennfer March 14, 2008 at 9:40 am

    “Well I keep hearing about how Pommerdoodle and Goose are roomates on the road, and according to The Hockey News I read a few weeks ago, they nap together.”

    Can’t you just see the episode of Friends when Joey & Ross were napping together? That would be great for Goose and Pommers. Just thinking about it leave me smiling….

  20. 20 Jaime March 14, 2008 at 10:13 am

    Thibault and Kotalik as our top defensive pair

    Don’t you think that Max should be in on the top defensive pairing? I mean I usually cringe when I see him anywhere near our defensive zone.

    Can’t you just see the episode of Friends when Joey & Ross were napping together? That would be great for Goose and Pommers. Just thinking about it leave me smiling….

    The image of that just sent me over the edge laughing!!

  21. 21 ToonTom March 14, 2008 at 10:14 am

    This really shows how big of a mistake it was to only have half an AHL team.

    And what’s with all the resignation. This team is so schizo they can turn it around, esp. with the Bruins looking like they’re about to tank.

  22. 22 Anne March 14, 2008 at 10:19 am

    Well I keep hearing about how Pommerdoodle and Goose are roomates on the road, and according to The Hockey News I read a few weeks ago, they nap together.


    That sound you just heard was me hitting the floor. As I said previously Goose and Pommer are teetering on the edge of my new favorite Sabres, this tidbit may have pushed me over the edge. I love Staffy still, but, try as they might, the Sabres and MSG have to TRY to make him interesting, Goose and Pommer are just naturally amazing.

    And Hank TOTALLY needs to be the one stripping! How could I leave out Hank?! Heather can definitely borrow my fainting couch, fan and smelling salts.

  23. 23 jonhoepfinger March 14, 2008 at 10:41 am

    You know how you tolerate the next few games. Drinking. And cookies. That should take away all the pain that could be associated with the final stretch of the season.

  24. 24 danielleia March 14, 2008 at 10:45 am

    Anne, I hereby declare you new head coach of the Buffalo Sabres. Please email Howard Simon on WGR your new lines. He would so make a skit about that.

    Only, Goose is required to wear his rally helmet or the deal’s off. Sorry, Goose… Safety First!

    Maybe the hockey gods will send Teppo back, ya know, just to taunt us a little. It seems the NHL tams are actually working with us. They want us in the playoffs. Pens & Sabes for Stanley Cups finals! Goose for Captain!

  25. 25 Gambler March 14, 2008 at 10:52 am

    Well, if you’re looking for a distraction from the stink of the remainder of this season, I’d like to heartily suggest moving to Europe for a few months. I think it’s done me good. (Okay truthfully, I’m a mess. Don’t tell the Sabres I’m saying this, but even when they’re sucking I miss the little punks. Two and a half months without hockey is KILLING ME.)

    I decided long ago that as long at Yo-Yo gets to 20, this season will not have been a waste. So personally that’s all I’m focusing on at this point. Only two more, Yo-Yo! You can do it! I believe in you!

  26. 26 mcguffers March 14, 2008 at 11:24 am

    Anne, I love it all, but in the spirit of St Patty’s day, I think they should take a shot every five minutes. I’d love to see Kaleta giving people hugs completely blitzed.

    And pictures of that CFC Puppy have popped up everywhere with various Sabres, wives/girlfriends, media, etc. Kate, I think you should write a blog following that puppy entitled “My Night with the Sabres.”

  27. 27 kathee March 14, 2008 at 11:38 am

    I love the drinking game idea. Make up one where every time Harry Neale says a shot was tipped in, you take a drink. Or when RJ says “He couldn’t clear it out”
    And every time Crunchy cracks his neck after a play.
    And each time Pommerdoodle chews on his mouthguard.

    You get the idea….

  28. 28 Amy March 14, 2008 at 12:05 pm

    I’d love to see Kaleta giving people hugs completely blitzed.

    Or even Crunchy calling the game completely blitzed.

  29. 29 Anne March 14, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    I’d love to see Kaleta giving people hugs completely blitzed.

    Or even Crunchy calling the game completely blitzed.

    I think that we’d finally hear all those things that Crunchy really wants to say but decides not to because PR tells him not to. Haha

  30. 30 blitzen March 14, 2008 at 12:17 pm

    yellow 19; and
    alcholic pudding

  31. 31 danielleia March 14, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    Kaleta hugs! Goose and Pommerdoodle napping… how cuuute?!

    This will be like the Catwalk for Charity, with them skating down the ice doing shots and drinking beer and all.

  32. 32 Jennfer March 14, 2008 at 3:17 pm

    I can’t wait for the game tonight. I’m gonna have fun with it, even if I have to get drunk to do it. I think I’m gonna have a shot every time I see Yo-Yo chewing on his neon green mouthguard. Even if I get totally wasted, I can still see that green.

  33. 33 Katebits March 14, 2008 at 3:20 pm


    I’ve been in rehearsals all day, and far away from a computer until now, and I can’t believe that I got to come home to a comment this AWESOME! Thank you!

    Several things:

    Anne: You are amazing. I fully endorse your plan. FULLY!

    Pommers and Goose napping, a la, Joey and Ross is quite possibly the greatest imagery I have ever had in my head….(and trust me, I have an active imagination). I have always been fascinated with how ALL NHLers seem to take an afternoon nap like a toddler. Hockey Players are already comically nap-ish, but when you add in some platonic CUDDLY NAPPING?! Holy TOLEDO, that’s gold! I always liked that episode of Friends because I can totally relate. I believe good napping chemistry is one of life’s greatest pleasures….and now I believe FULLY that Goose and Pommers have excellent napping chemistry.

    Crunchy really should call the games will drunk. I would pay GOOD money for that.

    Seriously, you guys. This comment thread has made my day!

  34. 34 Valerie March 17, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    Goose is a stripper! He took off his shirt for reporters on the WGR postgame show after the Carolina game. He was in the middle of an interview and everyone started laughing. He was like “sorry guys, I’m changing my shirt”. Then they all made fun of how bad his body looked.

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