Scoreboard Watching Sucks Ass

First of all, the Sabres haven’t played in, like, three weeks. Get off your lazy butts, boys!

I HATE scoreboard watching. I swear to Lindy Ruff that no team has EVER lost when we need them to. EVER! In fact, I’m fairly certain the no team besides the Sabres have lost a game all season.

As I write this post, the Flyers are ahead 2-1, and the Capitals are beating Nashville 3-0. Ew! Ew ew ew ew EW! Barring some sort of surge from the Predators, we are going to be in ninth place by the end of the night.

This is worse than the time when I was six, and I wet my pants because I was wearing roller skates and I couldn’t get up the hardwood staircase to the only bathroom in my friend’s house. This is worse than the time left my sunroof open and it rained all night. This is worse than the time I accidentally ate a big spoonful of spoiled yogurt.

This is the worst night EVER.

(I’m going for maximum drama in the hopes of impressing the Hockey Gods with my pitifulness. If these games don’t turn around, I might have start comparing this night to famous genocides and plagues. ex: This night is WORSE than the Bubonic Plague.)

*UPDATE* This is worse than the time I wrote on my blog that we were going to be knocked down to ninth after a catastrophic night of scoreboard watching when we were already in ninth! HOLY SHIT WE’RE GOING TO BE IN TENTH! WE’RE GOING TO BE IN TENTH! *running around in panicked circles*

*2nd UPDATE* We now appear to be in tenth place and the earth has not yet swallowed me up into a pit of eternal despair. Perhaps I was overreacting just a smidge. (But still, the official TWC stance on tenth place is: 100% OPPOSED.)

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43 Responses to “Scoreboard Watching Sucks Ass”


  1. 1 Meg March 18, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    Psst, Kate, we’re already in 9th. We’re going to be in 10th. Scoreboard watching sucks! None of the teams we need to lose actually do so nearly consistently enough.

  2. 2 Pete March 18, 2008 at 8:30 pm

    This night is worse than drowning puppies.

  3. 3 Katebits March 18, 2008 at 8:33 pm

    Drowning puppies is like EATING ICE CREAM compared to this!

  4. 4 danielleia March 18, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    SHHHHH!!! STOP! STOP! 9th place??!

    This is worse than the time my friend opened the sunroof in the dead of winter while there was snow still on top of the sunroof then it fell into the car! Oh, wait. That was HIGHlarious.

    Kill puppies, eat bunnies (See 2:24-3:37 mark on Kimmel ). It just reminded me when Pete said that.

  5. 5 Shari March 18, 2008 at 9:01 pm

    KATEBITS! Girl, you need to chill! Didn’t you read that article someone posted on the Sabres boards that Teppo was at the arena today and supposidly was evaluated and that he might be cleared to play soon? Just…lay down, elevate your feet a bit and breath through your nose! Good Lord woman! We’re gonna have to turn the hose on you!

  6. 6 Shari March 18, 2008 at 9:05 pm

    And it couldn’t be any worse than the time I worked at Ponderosa, came out of the bathroom, walked through a half full dining room with one side of my ugly, brown, polester uniform dress tucked into my stockings…..wearing no underwear. My face was really red.

  7. 7 Katebits March 18, 2008 at 9:32 pm

    Good Lord woman! We’re gonna have to turn the hose on you!

    :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

    Hee! You’re right, Shari! I must chill. I am SO SORRY (and by “so sorry” I mean “thank you for making me laugh”) about your traumatic Ponderosa experience, by the way.

  8. 8 Heather B. March 18, 2008 at 10:19 pm

    Kate, did you just use Lindy’s name in vain? I don’t think you should be swearing to him like that, especially when we need to win so badly!

    And forget tenth place! WE’RE WINNING THE CUP!

  9. 9 Katebits March 18, 2008 at 10:40 pm

    Kate, did you just use Lindy’s name in vain?

    Hmm. I never thought of that. I think that Lindy LIKES it when we swear to him, though. Doesn’t he? He’s a total potty mouth. Hmm. I’ll take it down if you think it’s trouble, though. I DO NOT want to mess with Lindy right now. No siree.

  10. 10 mcguffers March 18, 2008 at 10:55 pm

    Heh heh, Ruff’s potty mouth. “Go after Peters! Don’t go after our F#$@ing captain!”

  11. 11 twoeightnine March 18, 2008 at 11:29 pm

    wearing no underwear.

    I like the direction that this blog has taken today.

    Game in hand. Game in hand. Say it with me. Game in hand. Back up to 8.5th place after tomorrow.

  12. 12 Dan March 18, 2008 at 11:30 pm

    I know score board watching sucks ass, just keep your eye on the number of games left to be played. It all evens out in the end, but it sucks to sit here waiting four days for the next game to come, knowing that others will have the opportunity to gain points. I still think they are cooked, but I hope I am proven wrong.

  13. 13 Heather B. March 19, 2008 at 12:08 am

    Kate, you’re probably right. Lindy would probably be offended if we weren’t swearing enough. Good point.

  14. 14 Jennifer March 19, 2008 at 6:40 am

    I agree that Lindy would appreciate your swearing to him and your enthusiasm, he probably wishes the entire team had your enthusiasm all year.

    Oh and yesterday we were discussing bra sizes, today not wearing underwear…. this blog just gets better and better every day!

  15. 15 Amy March 19, 2008 at 8:01 am

    Drowning puppies is like EATING ICE CREAM compared to this!

    Speaking of ice cream, I have not been able to find Breakaway Berrier at my local grocery store. Its making me cranky.

  16. 16 Anne March 19, 2008 at 8:22 am

    Speaking of ice cream, I have not been able to find Breakaway Berrier at my local grocery store. Its making me cranky.

    March 30th (ish) is when it’ll be available in stores.

    Lindy would probably be offended if we weren’t swearing enough

    During the Carolina game when Yo-yo got that LAME-ASS penalty for cross-checking Staal, they clearly showed Lindy very distinctly saying “that’s fucking bullshit”, right at the refs so basically right at the camera. Unlike Drew Stafford, it is easy for deaf people to see when Lindy and Goose are upset, they’re highly articulate gentlemen.

  17. 17 SlugLova March 19, 2008 at 8:33 am

    Uh oh….I was still discussing Bra sizes on “The Doodle”…sorry but I didn’t know we had moved on.

    Let’s talk about our boys in blue & gold…..boxers or briefs?

    I’ll start. I think Crunchy is so skinny that he has to use a safety pin (A big honkin’ baby diaper safety pin) to hold up his boxer briefs.

    And I think Peters just walks around in his cup at all times. That way he is always prepared and gets that fluttery feeling of having his ass tickled at random moments. Any other thoughts?

  18. 18 Erin March 19, 2008 at 9:19 am

    slug, I won’t leave you hanging.
    I don’t know what those boys wear but I can share this. When I first started watching hockey way back in October 2007, I had alot of questions regarding the jock strap/cup. I asked my husband about a million questions regarding how the strap and cup work and why guys don’t use a full coverage underwear…blah, blah, blah. Anyways, my husband got really irritated and refused to answer any more questions but I still think about the whole set up.

    I’ve found that few women understand how it works or how the ‘junk’ is placed and stuff…and to tell you the truth, guys aren’t telling!!

    so anyways, I’ll imagine that all of the sabres really like spiderman underoos, at least I’ll be smiling if we can’t make it to the playoff’s.

  19. 19 SlugLova March 19, 2008 at 9:23 am

    hmmm….I always thought the cup was held in place by a G-String type apparatus. I like that picture in my mind…so I’ll keep it. Spiderman underoos….that’s it! That’s the stuff that Crunchy fits into! I picture Max in a cheetah or leopard print though…..

  20. 20 Jennfer March 19, 2008 at 9:26 am

    Great, now I have the mental image of all the guys walking around the locker room wearing only cups, with their cute little asses shining. I’ll be useless for the rest of the day!

  21. 21 twoeightnine March 19, 2008 at 9:37 am

    Full coverage underwear? I’m thinking Roy is the only one worried about pantylines.

  22. 22 SlugLova March 19, 2008 at 9:47 am

    I thought he’d be the one to go commando.

  23. 23 Jennfer March 19, 2008 at 10:39 am

    I figure Kaleta would be the one to go commando.

  24. 24 Anne March 19, 2008 at 10:42 am

    I don’t know about their underwear, but I can tell you all about Andrew Peters’ taste in clothes and his idea of a practical joke.

    Once, he brought a shirt into the dry cleaner’s where I used to work that was covered in ketchup and wanted to know if we could get it out, if possible. He said he was “crawling under a table to put ketchup on someone’s shoe…don’t ask.” So I didn’t. But he did once tell me I had a great memory. Thanks, Petey! And he drives a Lexus (he left the key in the pocket of his suit coat). I, for a few hours could have gone joy riding in Petey’s big-ass black Lexus SUV.

  25. 25 Erin March 19, 2008 at 11:02 am

    Max wears soviet issue burlap shorts, only. Thus the reputation for his sunny disposition.

  26. 26 SlugLova March 19, 2008 at 11:27 am

    Kaleta going commando….you’re killing me here. I am offically done working for the day!

  27. 27 danielleia March 19, 2008 at 11:28 am

    I hear Joe Thorton goes commando to make his team feel uncomfortable. I told that to Anne in fact the other day! Joe’s fun.

  28. 28 Jaime March 19, 2008 at 11:49 am

    My husband plays hockey and his jock is like a pair of boxer briefs with a pocket for the cup, so his hiney is completely covered. He has said that there were a few guys who would regularly walk about nude and try to have conversations with others, foot up on the bench where your sitting with their business all in your face. Just so gross! Girls don’t do that stuff!

    Just thinking about any of the guys going commando is making my head spin. I think if I had that kind of info it would make me utterly useless.

  29. 29 Jennfer March 19, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    Oh come on Jamie, it’s more fun to imagine they wear the cup alone, with all those hot naked butts showing (even if it’s not true).

    And I think Kaleta is the one that most looks like he would have the butt to pull off that look.

  30. 30 Shari March 19, 2008 at 12:23 pm

    I like the direction this is going also.
    This is a little clip they did on Teppo. Somewhere in it, it shows some of they guys in an away locker room getting dressed after a game. Petey is getting into his boxers and if you look fast,you might see something else. I think I probably posted this along time ago but worth watching. PLEASE hockey Gods!! FREE TEPPO THIS WEEK!!!!
    http://www.yle.fi/player/player.jsp?name=El%E4v%E4+arkisto%2F03702_1

  31. 31 Katebits March 19, 2008 at 12:26 pm

    Listen guys, I’m all in favor of hot butts, but TWC commenting standards dictate that discussion of them include a fairly high level of satire. This conversation is way too literal. There are plenty of internet haunts where you can discuss these things to your hearts content, but at TWC, I prefer we take a more whimsical approach.

  32. 32 Jennfer March 19, 2008 at 12:40 pm

    Sorry Kate, I’m sure Goose could pull off the “look”, too!

  33. 33 Katebits March 19, 2008 at 1:12 pm

    If by “the look” you mean a pursed-beak expression of “let’s please move on”, then yes, I’m sure Goose could pull it off. :P

  34. 34 Jennfer March 19, 2008 at 1:16 pm

    That’s exactly what I meant!

  35. 35 danielleia March 19, 2008 at 1:16 pm

    Crack down the law :D

  36. 36 SlugLova March 19, 2008 at 1:24 pm

    I’m so ashamed.

  37. 37 Anne March 19, 2008 at 1:34 pm

    I agree with Katebits. These literal discussions of players’ posteriors is unsettling at best.

    I personally was shocked and dismayed to learn that hockey players, whilst out and about in public, do not have monstrously enormous baby-diapered appearing bottoms as they seem to while on the ice.

    Previously having been a wardrobe mistress, I have been around more than my fair share of sweaty naked men standing around in a small room. I can say from personal experience that being in a dressing room with naked sweaty men is not nearly as great as it sounds for a young, single, non-lesbian. Being around naked sweaty actors is gross, I would NOT want to be in a dressing room of naked sweaty hockey players, I don’t care how many of them are Drew Stafford.

  38. 38 Amy March 19, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    Wow, this post took a left turn at Albuquerque.

    Andrew Peters’ taste in clothes and his idea of a practical joke.

    That’s alternately horrible and funny. I think I mentioned it before, but when he was a player, Lindy was quite the joker. One night, he was scratched, and while everyone was on the ice, he was down in the locker room mixing up everyone’s keys. This was back in the day of each car needing two keys. The players then had to sort out who had whose keys for whose car.

  39. 39 Jaime March 19, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    dressing room with naked sweaty men is not nearly as great as it sounds for a young, single, non-lesbian.

    I totally agree! Completely naked men aren’t really all that attractive no matter what their physique.

    Just thinking about any of the guys going commando is making my head spin. I think if I had that kind of info it would make me utterly useless.

    My thought was unfinished there. I simply meant to say that I wouldn’t want the info because who knows when it’s going to randomly pop into your head. Like if your having a conversation with your Grandmother and somethings triggers a naked hockey player to come into your head. Maybe we’re watching animal planet (Max’s cheetah print underoos.) Anyways, it’s pretty hard to talk about little bummy’s in an “adult” way when watching your 2 year old booty shake to the Hot Dog Song like she is right now!

  40. 40 jonhoepfinger March 19, 2008 at 2:21 pm

    See Kate, you mention the word ass in your post title and thats all people want to talk about.

  41. 41 Katebits March 19, 2008 at 2:28 pm

    See Kate, you mention the word ass in your post title and thats all people want to talk about.

    You know what is funny about that, Jon? The original title of this post was “Scoreboard Watching Sucks Donkey Ass”, but I decided it was too crude. Who knows? We might have had an entirely different conversation today if I had stuck with my original instinct. :D

  42. 42 danielleia March 19, 2008 at 2:55 pm

    I was just reading back from the last post. Matt’s reaction is priceless.

  43. 43 Shari March 19, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    I blame myself. If it wasn’t for the whole Ponderosagate half booty eposure thing, we wouldn’t be in so much TWC doo doo. Max in cheetah print underoos?? Yeah, that would be him, in the old Sears catalog. Is that real cheetah print or is that Sears cheatah print?


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