That’s All She Wrote!

I didn’t watch most of the game last night because I was bringing joy to the masses on stage at Kleinhans Music Hall with my homies. I saw a lot of the first period (snore) before the concert started, and the last few minutes of the game coincided with our intermission, so I saw Roy-Z pass the puck to Vanek for the open net and the hat trick in the musician’s breakroom. There was some heated discussion amongst the musicians as to whether we should watch the Sabres play their last meaningless moments of the season, or watch the Final Four, and I am so glad the hockey fans won out. Hockey RULZ the breakroom, beeyotches!

Some final words for the Sabres: Good job, T-Bone. I’m going to miss you Sabres. Happy travel this summer. Play lots of golf. Ravage lots of ladies (or boys, whatevs) in your respective hometowns. Go camping. Do lots of barbecuing. Lift lots of weights. Schedule double sessions with your sports psychologists. If you are any type of free agent (and I like you) please try to keep an open mind to the Sabres; remember that Buffalo loves you even if we are bat shit crazy a lot of the time. (Private to Goose: If the Sabres manage to let you get away, you should know that I’ll never recycle another can again. I will devote my remaining miserable life to systematically destroying the environment. I’ll also stop ALL forms of exercise and undergo hypnosis to UN-learn to read. It’s just something to keep in mind when the Oilers hand you that twenty-year, $3 billion offer sheet. If you really care about physical fitness, literacy, and the environment, you’ll accept the reasonable deal that Darcy offers.) I want you guys to come back to Buffalo in the fall refreshed, in shape, and ready to kick ass. No more of this “we’re a young team” bullhonky. Thank you for a wonderful/heinous season. Next year will be better, I’m sure of it!

I hope to cover the playoffs extensively here at TWC, but first I’m going to need to undergo a three-day program designed to clear my mind of the Sabres, focus my energy on the task at hand, and move forward with dignity and love. If you, dear reader, would like to join me, my three-day course will begin tomorrow with our first lesson: “Temporarily Freeing Yourself From the Tyranny of the Sabres”. It will continue of Tuesday with lesson #2: “Facing the Reality of the Playoffs”, and it will conclude on Wednesday with lesson #3: “It’s Still Hockey, And it’s Still Being Performed By Hockey Players: It Can’t Be All Bad.” Please join me!

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10 Responses to “That’s All She Wrote!”


  1. 1 danielleia April 6, 2008 at 10:21 am

    Yes, yes! I tried rehab, but it didn’t work out so well. The whole 2-0 Boston deal caused a relapse.

  2. 2 Shari April 6, 2008 at 11:52 am

    Teppo. You. are. the. man. Got a groin problem? Tony said, Tough, get your whining ass out there! If Teppo can do this? Everything is possible! Even though it was only one game, he looked absolutely overjoyed! He stays. I love you even more.
    Webber, you to are the second man. Who takes a face smash to the glass like that and gets up so fast?
    Roy, Good boy.
    So we didn’t put the pole in the water, we didn’t put the stuffing in the turkey, we didn’t put the turkey in the oven, we didn’t put the car in the garage, we didn’t put the cat in the hat…I have a good feeling about next year. Danielleia, tell the people what happens when I say I have a weird feeling? (And don’t say it’s gas.)

  3. 3 Pookie April 6, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    That 3 lesson plan sounds like it can’t fail! And Goose can’t read this and not re-sign on July 1st. He just can’t!

  4. 4 CrotchetyOriginalSam April 6, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    Ahem. And of course, you meant to add, “#4: Adopting The Minnesota Wild As Your Official Playoff Rooting Interest.” Right? RIGHT?

  5. 5 Erin April 6, 2008 at 3:24 pm

    YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY T-BONE!!!

    I so happy that Thibault was able to leave the season, and the team, with some dignity. And the team seemed really happy for him, warmed my heart. Good last game. Can’t wait until September!

  6. 6 Destiny April 6, 2008 at 4:34 pm

    About your private message to Goose, I completely agree. =)

  7. 7 Katie April 6, 2008 at 5:01 pm

    Thank goodness you’ll be covering the playoffs for us, Katebits! I can’t imagine facing a Sabre-less postseason without your commentary!!

    As for our boys, let’s hope they follow all of your advice, but don’t ravage too many puck bunnies (of the female or male variety…haha) – we need them well-rested for next season!

    And as a fellow Goose lover, I echo your private message. I hope he realizes that he will turn Buffalo into a lazy, illiterate center of global warming if he leaves us. So here’s a hopeful “HONK” that he responds well to threats =)

    Can’t wait for your three-step program because I for one am still in denial that there are playoffs this season, and they don’t invlove Sabres.

  8. 8 S.A.M. April 6, 2008 at 9:22 pm

    I like the 3-step system. Where do I sign up?

    I think I’m adopting Mike Weber as the official mascot of my blog. ;)

    and as an aside, I was at a WNY Suiziki Association strings concert today (my nephew plays guitar with Joanne Castellani) and there was a young man there playing viola who looked kinda like a young Goose!

    It just tied together all your ideas about musicians and hockey players being so similar, and it made me laugh. so I thought I would share.

  9. 9 mcguffers April 6, 2008 at 10:53 pm

    It was a spectacularly beautiful day in Rochester today, which is good, because it doesn’t feel like hockey season when I can wear flip flops. Plus, and I know this sounds horrible, even with the success of the past two years and the Skate-in-crease-no-goal year, I’ve been programmed to not expect the Sabres to win the Stanley cup. After more than twenty years of Sabres hockey I’ve gotten the “Eh, next year” mentality down to an art. In fact I’m sure that when the Sabres do finally win the cup, my first reaction will be “There’s always next ye… uh, wait, we won? Really? What the F?!” So, until autumn, Go Habs!

    Goose, I’m jumping on the illiteracy train if you don’t sign the dotted line buddy. I will not continue composting, I will buy a Hummer, I will throw away ALL of my tin cans, and I will burn down a library. I think I can still root for you if you go to the Panthers though as you will be connected with the Amerks. I’ll have to check with Steve “Chapter 7” Donner though to see if we still have a hockey team or if he lost them in a poker game.

  10. 10 rach April 9, 2008 at 5:09 pm

    (Private to Goose: If the Sabres manage to let you get away, you should know that I’ll never recycle another can again. I will devote my remaining miserable life to systematically destroying the environment. I’ll also stop ALL forms of exercise and undergo hypnosis to UN-learn to read. It’s just something to keep in mind when the Oilers hand you that twenty-year, $3 billion offer sheet. If you really care about physical fitness, literacy, and the environment, you’ll accept the reasonable deal that Darcy offers.)

    One of the funniest things I have ever read.


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