Ryan Miller and Brian Campbell were both named to the NHL Competitions Committee today. Hopefully these appointments will lead to lots of conversations like this:
Soupy: I have an idea for a new rule. Get this. (long pause) Are you ready? (Crunchy gives Soupy a partial death glare) You can……….only…..spin-o-rama………… (dramatically long pause)……overtheblueline. (Throws hands into air in gesture of supreme triumph)
Crunchy: (with squinty eyes) Wait. You can’t spin-o-rama anywhere else on the ice?
Soupy: Good GOD, no! That’s not what I meant! You can ALWAYS spin-o-rama! Geez! Why pass on an opportunity to spin when skating in a straight line will do? No, I meant, when you cross the blue line, you HAVE to spin-o-rama.
Crunchy: Going in or out?
Crunchy: Does everyone have to spin-o-rama, or just the puck carrier?
(Both guys pause to visualize this rule change.)
Crunchy: I don’t think it’s a good idea.
Soupy: Well, you’re wrong.
Crunchy: Well, you’re drunk, so I win. I have an idea for a new rule too.
Soupy. (rolling his eyes) Lemme guess, you want to make the nets smaller.
Crunchy: (excitedly) I want to make the nets tiny. The nets should only be twice the width of the goalie’s hips. That way, scoring is reduced, AND goalies are encouraged to stay slender.
Soupy: (Obviously not paying attention to Crunchy’s idea.) What if we put the nets in the middle of the ice, back-to-back, facing out? (Tapping index finger on chin while staring dramatically into the distance) IMAGINE all the spinning I could do….
Crunchy: (exasperated) That’s dumb.
Soupy: (using air quotes) “YOU’RE” “dumb”
Crunchy: (shaking head in disgust) That’s it, my boy. You’ve just lost your air quotes privileges.
Soupy: (distraught) (using very small, sad air quotes) “Rats.”