Wasting Money is Fun!

The stat nerds are all atingle about a new website called Hockey-Reference.

I can not possibly emphasize enough how much I do NOT care about stats. Stats are just gibberish to me. For example, if you’re going to try and tell me that Thomas Vanek is a more valuable hockey player than Paul Gaustad, you’d better come armed with some more compelling evidence than just a line of numbers. I don’t care how many goals he scores, until Vanek starts encouraging me to recycle by holding a tin can up to his face, I’m going to choose Goose every time. It’s just plain common sense, people.

My point here is that I have no use for a website filled with hockey stats. No use at all. I do however like spending my money on goofy and frivolous things. The big hook with Hockey-Reference is that you can sponsor a player, and then put a link and a message on their stat page. I might not care about stats, but I care very MUCH about leaving silly messages in funny places to amuse my fellow hockey fans. This is ALL the rage with hockey bloggers. It’s like hockey blogger peer pressure. Everyone is doing it. Dr. James Mirtle started it. HeatherB did it. Kevin wants to marry it. I resisted for about 24 hours before I decided I HAD to have my own Sabre.

But who to choose?

My first instinct was Goose or Crunchy, but the boys over at The Goose’s Roost got to Goose before me (Private to The Goose’s Roost: This is WAR! Do you hear me, Goose’s Roost?! I will NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS! NEVER!), and Crunchy is 40 dollars. Most of the players are $10, but a few of the fancier, more popular guys are $40. Now, I like throwing my money away as much as the next girl, but 40 smackers is a bit steep for Crunchy. Plus, Crunchy isn’t a very fun choice for this game, and I’m CERTAIN he wouldn’t approve of whatever ridiculous message I wrote on his page. (I have this idea in my head that all the players will dash to Hockey-Reference to see who has sponsored them.) Choosing Crunchy would probably lead to him suing me and Hockey-Reference for “defamation of character” and for “unlawful use of cutesie nicknames”. No, Ryan Miller won’t do. I briefly considered Toni Lydman, but his magnificence transcends “stats”, so it doesn’t seem appropriate to sponsor his stat page. I also considered sponsoring Chris Drury just so that I could write, “Little League World Serieses and Stanley Cups are not the same thing. Chris Drury is a SLAG-FACED WHORE” on his page, but I decided against contributing such ugliness to the otherwise pure world of stats.

In the end it all worked out, because I’m extremely pleased with the player I decided to sponsor…


Lindy is perfect! He’s all-around awesome, he’s got attractive baby-chick hair, and (most importantly) he’s a True Sabre. What’s not to love about Lindy? Nothing, that’s what. He’s completely lovable in every way, and now he belongs to me.

(I guess I was feeling sort of old timey, because there was one other guy I just couldn’t resist. Hee.)


16 Responses to “Wasting Money is Fun!”

  1. 1 Amy May 9, 2008 at 11:51 am

    Its interesting to note that Danny Briere is worth $40, while Drury is only worth $10. I guess Little League World Series trophies and intangibles just don’t carry a lot of credibility in the internet advertising arena.

  2. 2 Gambler May 9, 2008 at 1:15 pm

    Nice picks, Kate!

    I feel your pain about Goose, because Yo-Yo had already been scooped up before I caught wind of this phenomenon. I may never recover. Instead, I had to settle for making sure Marty was sponsored by someone who really loves him, and not, you know, a Flyers fan. I dig this whole sponsorship thing.

  3. 3 jonhoepfinger May 9, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    I was 5 seconds away from buying Drury, but was like what a waste of money.

    It would have been like

    Getting Caught From Behind sponsors this page

    Getting Caught From Behind– Anti Drury since July 1st 2007 and Hello again Bucky Gleason. Stop coming to this page!

  4. 4 Jennfer May 9, 2008 at 3:35 pm

    Great choices Kate. Love it!

  5. 5 Steph May 9, 2008 at 5:01 pm

    I’m with you! I totally can’t resist something so completely useless and yet incredibly necessary! But who to choose…

  6. 6 JBo May 9, 2008 at 8:15 pm

    Well, I’m going to regret this, but I had an extra $40 that I was going to do nothing with, and so…I snagged Crunchy.

    Yes, yes, you can all hate me.

  7. 7 Jon May 9, 2008 at 8:22 pm

    I must say, I thought the idea of “purchasing” Goose was a little silly and a waste of money. But now that it means war, I’m all for it!

  8. 8 Anne May 9, 2008 at 9:58 pm

    I went with Paille and Big Bear. I almost went with Jaro but decided against it. Pommer was taken and I decided against Staffy. He had a not so hot season, I didn’t want to associate my $10 with him.

  9. 9 danielleia May 9, 2008 at 10:17 pm

    Stats. Ha. That’s funny, I think I rolled on the floor when I saw you bought Mike. Everyone is turing into crazy competitive beasts trying to own players. I love it.

  10. 10 Shari May 9, 2008 at 11:34 pm

    Gambler, good for you for picking Marty! No way should a Flyer fan get him. I mean, it’s bad enough they already have him, and they don’t even deserve him!
    Roby…HA! That’s great!

  11. 11 Katebits May 10, 2008 at 12:03 am

    Sorry I didn’t respond to all these messages earlier, guys!

    Gambler, NICE WORK scooping up Marty!

    Jon, OH IT IS ON. I will get my revenge if it’s the LAST THING I EVER DO! :P

    I’m so glad Sabres fans and bloggers are so into this. It’s such a hoot!

  12. 12 Becky May 10, 2008 at 7:28 am

    My brain really freezes over when it comes to witty one-liners. And I don’t have a sports blog. But what the heck…Somebody has to sponsor Max, and no one else will do it. Plus Mark Murphy of the Washington Redskins actually graduated from Clarence, so that sort of fits.

    Please, just don’t roll your eyes at whatever I write :)

  13. 13 JBo May 11, 2008 at 6:01 pm

    Katebits, do you have any witty one-timers for Crunchy? What were some of the things you had in mind?

  14. 14 Katebits May 12, 2008 at 2:36 am

    I’m so sorry, JBo! I never got to the “witty one-liner” phase! Let us know what you come up with!

  15. 15 Becky May 12, 2008 at 5:36 am

    By the way – good call on taking Lindy!

  16. 16 JBo May 13, 2008 at 12:38 am

    So I came up with:

    “A commentative blog about Buffalo’s best hockey player. Besides, who knew that dark chocolate and raspberry tasted so good together?”

    Anyways: Kate, what did you think of the lunch thing I wrote? You never replied to my e-mail.

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