[EDIT: I wrote this post in about half an hour, under very rushed conditions, which is something I am not used to doing. When I got home from work tonight, I reread the post and changed some stuff. I’m not sure what the proper protocol for changing a blog post hours after the fact is, but after a little hemming and hawing, I decided, aw hell, it’s my blog. In the interest of pretending to stand by my work, I am adding this disclaimer: I have fixed [some of] the typos, and softened the tone of the original post.]
I’m going to delay the “Sid or Geno?” post for a day or so because I am moved to defend the Red Wings, who most of you seem to be rooting against. I understand that the Penguins are the sexier choice, especially if you are under the age of 53 (the average age on the Red Wings roster), but I really must insist that you whipper-snappers take a good look at the Wings before you cast them aside. These old dogs are still feisty. Now, please don’t take this post to mean I will be cheering against the Pens in the Finals. I genuinely like both teams, but for today, I will focus on my affection for the Red Wings.
I now present three rock-solid reasons to love the Red Wings.
1. Chris Osgood:
Chris Osgood is an adorable nerd. We’ve been over this already.
I know, I know, all you Wings haters are squawking “He’s a DIVER! He’s a DIVER!” Totally true. The thing is, that dumb butting/slashing/diving scene was so undignified on so many levels that I have decided to ignore it all together. I’ve wiped the slate clean. I took a Forget-me-not, and forgot the whole thing. The most important thing to remember about Chris Osgood is that he’s a soft spoken, good humored nerd. He probably writes poetry, and love songs. The OTHER thing to love about Chris Osgood is that he wears a plain, non-hideous helmet, unlike pretty much every other goalie in the league. [EDIT: I removed something from this paragraph that I didn’t like after a little reflection. It was too mean. If you are dying to know what I removed, email me, and I will tell you. Otherwise, you can go ahead and assume the worst: I was advocating eating puppies, but now I’ve changed my mind. :P]
2. Pavel Datsyuk’s head:
I stole this image from The Battle of California
Of all the things, on all the hockey blogs that I’ve read this year, this side-by-side comparison of Pavel Datsyuk and a candy corn from The Battle of California might be my favorite. Pavel Datsyuk’s head is shaped exactly like a candy corn, and I love him because of it. When the always hilarious RudyKelly wrote the post containing this brilliant observation, he was trying to use this as evidence against Datsyuk, but his plan hideously backfired. I now love Datsyuk almost exclusively BECAUSE of his candy corn shaped head. (Interestingly, there’s a comment from me on the original BoC post claiming outrage. I think I must have been trying to impress RudyKelly at the time. That comment is a gigantic lie. I’m not offended, I never was, and I love Datsyuk’s candy corn head. [Sorry, Rudy])
3. They’re so fucking juggernautty.
Normally, I HATE teams who always win (for example, if you are not from New England, and you rooted for the Patriots this year, I think you are probably a tool), but there is something about these Red Wings that I love. I want to believe in this Red Wings team. I want to believe that some hockey teams don’t choke, and don’t bend under lofty expectations, and really are as good as they seem. I’m sure I will hate them next year. As soon as they win the Cup, I will hate their guts, but I’m kind of in the mood to see a genuine juggernaut kick some ass. I want to be awed, and the Red Wings seem like the best bet in that department.