Semi-Live Blog

I intend to watch the game tonight. If I have something interesting to say while it’s occurring, I’ll put it here. How does that sound? If I don’t have anything interesting to say, I’ll put that here too. Heh.


-I just learned that the year I graduated from high school (1993), Sidney Crosby was playing Timbits hockey. Hm. I’m pretty old.
– Marc Andre-Fleury has successfully navigated the surface of the ice. I repeat, Fleury is on the ice.
– That was an admirable Star Spangled Banner, slutty looking blond lady. Well done.

1st Period

– Oooh. Sid has that crazy look tonight.
– The Red Wings have that, “Whatever, kid” juggernautty look tonight.
– Ryan Malone has fourteen black eyes.
– Ha! CBC just told us that Kronwall has itty bitty feet, in fact he’s got the smallest feet in the buiness. (Size 6) I was considering switching to VS, but if CBC is going to be all hilarious like this, well then I’m sticking with the Canadians.
– I think Malkin is crumbling under the pressure of being my playoff boyfriend. (1-0, Detroit) Some dude named Stuart, just scored a funny little goal. Stupid Malkin, stupid Flower.
-Okay, remember how I said I was cheering for the Penguins tonight? I’m not so sure I have the resolve to pull it off. I wish that the Penguins didn’t look so bad, but I LOVE how the Red Wing very calmly make everyone look bad. (2-0, Detroit)
-You know, the Sabres must have been really, really bad to miss the playoffs… the East.
– The Detroit Red Wings have the best beards in the business. Jordan Staal has a surprisingly respectable beard.
– WWGRD? Take a dumb penalty.
-Q: What have we learned here tonight? A: The Eastern Conference is an embarrassment. Why do we suck so hard? Should we start making all the teams travel unnecessarily out of their way? We hear a lot of whining from the Western Conference about how they have to travel so much in comparison to the Eastern Conference; but, what if that’s what makes them so good? I say we make all the EC teams travel in an Eastern direction, no matter where they are going, until they learn not to be so bad at hockey.
-Shut up, Don Cherry. Just shut up. Never say another thing, ever again. Ever.

2nd Period

– Do the Penguins have any shots in this game?
– Have the Penguins even touched the puck this period?
– I’m seriously considering whether Guitar Hero might be a better use of my time than this game. I can’t beat Slash to get into the Expert level. Slash is just too good. Ever since I found the “Practice” option, Guitar Hero has been so much more rewarding.
– Kid Rock is not aging well.
– The Penguins really can’t buy a goal. On a rare Wings defensive stumble, the Pens fail to score on about fourteen different open nets.
– Why do so many beards grow in red? What is uo with that?
– I’m kind of surprised that Detroit isn’t winning 10-0 by now. I honestly think they are just toying with the Penguins. They’re just batting them around for fun.

2nd Intermission

– AAAAAAAHAHAHAHA! The Penguins only have 19 shots in the last FOUR periods. That is hilariously bad. Poor little Pens. The Wings are just too juggernautty.
– Yay! Kelly Hrudey! Wearing a nice yellow tie! I love this guy! One of the things I find so sweet about him is how he looks squarely at the person he is talking to, as if he’s not actually on television. He is making unrelenting eye contact with Ron MacLean right now.
– Yikes. CBC just gave us a shot from behind of the VS crew. I did not need to see the back of Brian Engblom’s head.

3rd Period

– Okay, I am now wandering all over the internet, looking at other live blogs. I’m forgetting to watch the game.
– I really do like the Red Wings, but Babcock gives me the heebie geebies. Big time.
– One of the “hockeyisms” that I still haven’t gotten used to is the overuse of “time and space”. It sounds so new agey to me. It sounds like something that blond chick Muppet in Animal’s band would say. “You just need to make your own time and space, maaan.”
– Ryan Malone ruins everything, doesn’t he? The Penguins had a promising looking PP going and Malone went charging into the nerd’s crease. 4-on-4.
– Shortie for Detroit! Filppula is out of control!
– Aw, a super sad shot of the Pens bench. Sad Talbot makes me feel sad. That beard should never be sad.
– Hey, wait. That wasn’t a shortie. That was 4 on 4. Aren’t you glad you came here for your live blog? Heh.
– Um, Gary Roberts is kind of a douche.
– I hope the Wings score ten goals on this power play.
– If the NHL wants me to keep watching this game, they had better stop playing Guitar Hero songs in the arena.
– It’s suddenly become very important to me that Gary Roberts not win the Cup. Fortunately, there seems to be very little chance of that happening any time soon. Heh.
– Oh, dear. Everyone is punching everyone else.
– Heh. Osgood seems a little tippy tonight. Such a punky nerd.
– Lilja is VERY attractive

At the End

– For awhile there, this game was hugely boring, but then I accepted that I love the Red Wings, and after that the game became highly enjoyable. Hockey is hilarious! (Sorry, Pens fans.) I’m now rooting for a sweep. I was rooting for an exciting series, but if it’s going to be lopsided like this, I want to see the most dominant performance in the history of hockey. So far, so good. Go Red Wings!

30 Responses to “Semi-Live Blog”

  1. 1 Erin May 26, 2008 at 8:30 pm

    Hi Kate— Don’t forget, last game of the year that will be on Versus! No more versus!! We’ll have RJ back by October! Yay!

  2. 2 Katebits May 26, 2008 at 8:32 pm

    WOOOOO!! VS sucks so hard! We’re getting there, Erin!

  3. 3 Erin May 26, 2008 at 8:35 pm

    I’m staying positive. Enjoying these last few games but looking forward to having our boys back!

  4. 4 Erin May 26, 2008 at 8:36 pm

    Ummmmmm….looks like it won’t be too many games, huh.

  5. 5 Katebits May 26, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    Yeah, this is BRUTAL!

  6. 6 Erin May 26, 2008 at 8:47 pm

    As a temporary Pens fan I’m consoling myself with new mint crunchy

  7. 7 Katebits May 26, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    Oooh. Crunchy mint m&ms? Those sound delicious.

  8. 8 Erin May 26, 2008 at 9:03 pm

    Indian Jones special M&M’s. I will concentrate on these because I can’t go through wanting a team to win that just won’t, again!

  9. 9 Katebits May 26, 2008 at 9:04 pm

    Erin, may I suggest that you just start wanting the Wings to win? I mean, neither of these teams are the Sabres….who really cares? :P

  10. 10 Erin May 26, 2008 at 9:10 pm

    I hitched my wagon to the Penguins based on nothing but Sidney Crosby’s thighs, chest and ass. Those things have gotten me from the first week in April to now. All I can say is that I am incredibly stubborn and I will go down with the ship. Oh Captain, my captain!

    I admire your practicality, but I would suggest to you that a practical attitude will not serve you in the long run as a Sabres fan. Want to share my M&M’s?

  11. 11 Erin May 26, 2008 at 9:32 pm

    I’m waiting to get Rock Band when it comes out for the Wii. I tried the drum part of it at the store, it was hard!!

    Switching to video games is not a bad idea. When the Sabres were losing like crazy my husband would leave the room and go and play his hockey video game where he had a undefeated Sabres team.

  12. 12 Katebits May 26, 2008 at 9:38 pm

    Thank you for paying attention to this game and this blog tonight, Erin! If I wasn’t so committed to this live blog, I would TOTALLY be playing GH right now.

  13. 13 Erin May 26, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    I’m having fun! I’m so desperate for hockey pals I’ll take any opportunity to chat about a game.
    Well, I don’t think your fingers will get tired from typing ‘And the Pens score again!!’ You’ll be fresh for the GH when the game is done.

  14. 14 Katebits May 26, 2008 at 9:46 pm

    That’s true. I should have plenty of energy, both physical and emotional, after this game for Guitar Hero. :P

  15. 15 alix May 26, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    I wish I could marry Kelly Hrudey. He’s so adorable, and soothing, and friendly.

  16. 16 Katebits May 26, 2008 at 10:12 pm

    I also want to marry Kelly Hrudey, alix! He is the best thing about this game, so far.

  17. 17 Pookie May 26, 2008 at 10:35 pm

    I think the blond chick in Dr. Teeth’s band was named Janis, but I could be making that up. Roberts is a TOTAL douche.

  18. 18 Pookie May 26, 2008 at 10:37 pm

    Also, “time and space” always makes me think of the architecture text book I had in high school called “Form, Space, and Order”. It was all full of white pages with tiny, very serene, pencil line-drawings of, well, form, space, and order. It was very zen. I’m pretty sure the Swedish robot brigade draws up all their plays in that style.

  19. 19 Pookie May 26, 2008 at 10:50 pm

    It’s suddenly become very important to me that Gary Roberts not win the Cup.

    Amen to that!

  20. 20 Shari May 26, 2008 at 10:55 pm

    They showed two Pens fans at the end of the game. They looked sadly familiar, kinda like Sabres fans after a bad loss.

  21. 21 Katebits May 26, 2008 at 10:56 pm

    It was all full of white pages with tiny, very serene, pencil line-drawings of, well, form, space, and order. It was very zen. I’m pretty sure the Swedish robot brigade draws up all their plays in that style.

    The Wings TOTALLY sit around cross-legged, listening to music with lots of twinkling chimes, with soothing incense burning, talking out their plan to create a more fulfilling “time and space”.

  22. 22 danielleia May 26, 2008 at 11:07 pm

    Ryan Malone took a lot of penalties didn’t he?

    No sweeps! If we have sweeps, then hockey is over.

  23. 23 Heather B. May 26, 2008 at 11:22 pm

    Lilja is VERY attractive

    Indeed he is. (Also one of Hank’s buddies ifyouknowwhatimean.)

  24. 24 Katebits May 26, 2008 at 11:26 pm

    Wait. Is he one of THOSE buddies?

  25. 25 Heather B. May 26, 2008 at 11:30 pm

    Wait. Is he one of THOSE buddies?

    Yes, he is :P

  26. 26 Matt May 27, 2008 at 12:40 am

    t sounds like something that blond chick Muppet in Animal’s band would say.

    Janis. Her name was Janis. And Animal has had as many of 4 different bands, depending on which shows you refer to. I imagine here that you mean Electric Mayhem with Rowlf, Janis, Dr. Teeth, and a couple other dudes who I forget.

    I spend too much time watching the Muppets.

  27. 27 Patty (in Dallas) May 27, 2008 at 1:13 am

    I’m so jelly y’all get to watch Kelly (Hrudey).

  28. 28 jonhoepfinger May 27, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    Malkin has kinda of disappeared in this series. Can the Sabres watch the way the Wings play and just copy it? Would it be that hard?

  29. 29 Shari May 27, 2008 at 6:12 pm

    Hmmm…I think I know what you mean by one of thooose buddies. ; )

  30. 30 Heather B. May 27, 2008 at 9:32 pm

    Kate and Shari, Hank and Lilja are golfing buddies, of course! What did you think I meant? :P

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