America’s Sweethearts

Scene: The US men’s gymnastics team has gathered together to take a team photo at the conclusion of the team competition where they unexpectedly won a bronze medal.

Kate: Okay guys! America is so proud of you! How about you all get together and we take a group photo!

Jonathan Horton: WOOOOOOOO!!! Good idea! This is the GREATEST night of my LIFE! I want a picture to remember this night!

Kate: Okay, so guys get together. Good. Okay, taller guys in the back.

Raj Bhavsar: This is the culmination of my years of hard work. I am one with the universe. I can’t wait to get home and skateboard with my parakeet.

Kate: I know! Alright. Let’s do this. Let’s take this picture. Everyone smile! Let’s get a really wonderful picture that you can have forever.

Alexander Artemev: I’m going to make a case for my bronze medal, and I’m going to put this picture in there, and I’m going to display it in my house for the rest of my life.

Kate: You all displayed such courage and dignity during the competition. You were so scrappy and appealing- I want to take a picture that really shows the essence and the personality of this team. Okay! You ready?


















(Thanks to Heather B for the heads up on this hiLARious picture.  I’m absolutely delighted and amazed that six adult humans all thought this pose was a good idea.  Heh. )

20 Responses to “America’s Sweethearts”

  1. 1 Heather B. August 17, 2008 at 10:29 pm

    Looking at the picture again, the guy in the top left seems to have some slight inkling that maybe this isn’t going to work out the way they planned. He’s just not quite putting it together quick enough.

  2. 2 Meg August 17, 2008 at 10:38 pm


    Among the many problems with that picture, one that stands out is that the expression on Artemev’s is, uh, let’s say lacking the appropriate beefcake conviction.

  3. 3 Meg August 17, 2008 at 10:39 pm

    As Heather just said, right before me. D’oh!

  4. 4 Pookie August 17, 2008 at 10:39 pm

    This is when I start to think that Jonathan Horton doesn’t look as much like Zach Parise as I originally thought…

  5. 5 Schnookie August 17, 2008 at 10:40 pm


    And Pookie, what are you talking about? He is SO Zach Parise. That’s what EVERY Devils team picture looks like.

  6. 6 Katebits August 17, 2008 at 10:44 pm

    Don’t feel bad, Meg, I had to fish Heather’s comment out of the spam bin for some reason. It wasn’t there in time for you to see it!

    This IS what every Devils picture would look like if Zach were in charge. Except in a Devils photo Marty would be in the corner eating donuts in a baggy t-shirt.

  7. 7 Shari August 17, 2008 at 10:46 pm

    They all look so short and men that short with bulging abs and biceps like that look extremly freakish!

  8. 8 karen August 17, 2008 at 10:48 pm

    Wait – you’re in a room with six cute, muscly, half-nekkid boys and you’re TALKING? :)

  9. 9 Meg August 17, 2008 at 10:52 pm

    Don’t feel bad, Meg, I had to fish Heather’s comment out of the spam bin for some reason. It wasn’t there in time for you to see it!

    I’m glad to hear it because I was sitting here thinking, “I could have sworn there were no comments when I added mine. I must really be losing it.” It’s always good to hear your brain isn’t quite gone yet. :D

  10. 10 Schnookie August 18, 2008 at 9:42 am

    It’s always good to hear your brain isn’t quite gone yet.

    Well, in this crowd, sometimes just letting your brain go is the best approach. :D

    Except in a Devils photo Marty would be in the corner eating donuts in a baggy t-shirt.

    :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Yeah, and whenever he goes to take off the t-shirt, the other guys all go, “Hey! I think the photo shoot’s done! I’m sure we got a good one. That’s a wrap!”

  11. 11 Janz August 18, 2008 at 10:44 am

    Too bad you didn’t have the glitter and gilded wings around for the shot they had wanted to go for:

    Perhaps at the Worlds.

  12. 12 Anne August 18, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    This picture has truly changed my life.

  13. 13 Jennifer August 18, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    That picture is WRONG on so many levels. Yikes!

  14. 14 Amy August 18, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    I’m stunned by that photo. The two in the back look like they’re prepping for a Playgirl shoot or something.

  15. 15 Meg August 18, 2008 at 12:43 pm

    Too bad you didn’t have the glitter and gilded wings around for the shot they had wanted to go for

    That’ll teach Kate not to come prepared. Although really, at least one of them ought to have been a boy scout at some point…shouldn’t they know to bring their own glitter and gilded wings to a shindig?

  16. 16 Katebits August 18, 2008 at 12:52 pm

    Actually, I DID have glitter and gilded wings, I just didn’t have enough for all of them and the guys started started squabbling. I guess the old saying, “If you don’t have enough glitter and gilded wings for everyone, don’t bring any glitter and gilded wings at all.” really is true! :P

  17. 17 Amy August 18, 2008 at 2:36 pm

    Kate, where did Heather find this picture? I’m surprised more of the media hasn’t picked up on this “good idea.”

  18. 18 Katebits August 18, 2008 at 2:47 pm

    Here’s the link to some kind of gay news/gossip website that has the picture, Amy. I think Heather found the link on a message board somewhere, but I don’t remember where. The picture is not credited on the website.

  19. 19 Janz August 18, 2008 at 3:29 pm

    It’s a getty image:|1&axs=0|82295464%2c82295461%2c82295448%2c82295442%2c82295438%2c82295435%2c82295364%2c82295363%2c82295360%2c82295342%2c82295301%2c82295287%2c82295183%2c82295178%2c82295119%2c82295115%2c82295109%2c82295063%2c82295061%2c82295047%2c82295035%2c82295027%2c82295022%2c82295009%2c82295007%2c82294962%2c82294927%2c82294906%2c82294897%2c82294896%2c82294890%2c82294884%2c82294882%2c82294849%2c82294833%2c82294816%2c82294759%2c82294664%2c82281919%2c82366754%2c82366750%2c82366742%2c82366737%2c82366735%2c82366734%2c82366587%2c82366582%2c82366576%2c82366434%2c82307130%2c82307115%2c82307108%2c82307106%2c82307102%2c82307083%2c82307082%2c82307080%2c82307076%2c82307075%2c82307074%2c82307073%2c82307039%2c82307038%2c82307037%2c82307036%2c82307033%2c82307030%2c82293667%2c82293666%2c82293664%2c82293623%2c82293621%2c82292894%2c82292890%2c82292668%2c82292666%2c82292664%2c82286692%2c82286684%2c82268171%2c82268160%2c82268157%2c82268149%2c82268123%2c82268049%2c82268020%2c82268007%2c82267982%2c82267957%2c82267941%2c82267848%2c82267827%2c82267811%2c82267787%2c82267781%2c82267772%2c82267744%2c82267734%2c82267726%2c82267719|0&mode=c&id=82286684

    (Can you tell I have nothing better to do?!?) They have a less suggestive, more serious one too:|1&axs=0|82295464%2c82295461%2c82295448%2c82295442%2c82295438%2c82295435%2c82295364%2c82295363%2c82295360%2c82295342%2c82295301%2c82295287%2c82295183%2c82295178%2c82295119%2c82295115%2c82295109%2c82295063%2c82295061%2c82295047%2c82295035%2c82295027%2c82295022%2c82295009%2c82295007%2c82294962%2c82294927%2c82294906%2c82294897%2c82294896%2c82294890%2c82294884%2c82294882%2c82294849%2c82294833%2c82294816%2c82294759%2c82294664%2c82281919%2c82366754%2c82366750%2c82366742%2c82366737%2c82366735%2c82366734%2c82366587%2c82366582%2c82366576%2c82366434%2c82307130%2c82307115%2c82307108%2c82307106%2c82307102%2c82307083%2c82307082%2c82307080%2c82307076%2c82307075%2c82307074%2c82307073%2c82307039%2c82307038%2c82307037%2c82307036%2c82307033%2c82307030%2c82293667%2c82293666%2c82293664%2c82293623%2c82293621%2c82292894%2c82292890%2c82292668%2c82292666%2c82292664%2c82286692%2c82286684%2c82268171%2c82268160%2c82268157%2c82268149%2c82268123%2c82268049%2c82268020%2c82268007%2c82267982%2c82267957%2c82267941%2c82267848%2c82267827%2c82267811%2c82267787%2c82267781%2c82267772%2c82267744%2c82267734%2c82267726%2c82267719|0&mode=c&id=82286692

    I already ordered both to hang up in the musicians’ lounge at the BPO.

  20. 20 Katebits August 18, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    Here, I think I fixed your links, Janzie.

    Link #1

    Link #2

    Oh, these poor dumb gymnasts. You KNOW the photographer was like, “Okay guys, let’s do something really sassy now! Woooork it! Woooork it!” Frankly I’m surprised they managed to keep their pants one.

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