Project Runway Recap: Pooping Fabric

Based on the comments on yesterday’s post, it seems like maybe there is a little crossover between Sabres fans and Project Runway fans.  There is, right?  Recapping is being done all over the place, by more talented people than me, but damnit, I’m bored, and hockey is still a month away.  Here’s my attempt at recapping Project Runway.

Introducing the Challenge

– AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!  It’s the dreaded “Eliminated contestants are back to ‘help’ with the challenge” episode!  I’m sure this won’t be at all awkward or bitchy!  Right off the bat Kenley’s voiceover is all “Umm, I usually work alone.  I’m not sure this is going to WORK for me.”  Normally I disagree with every thing you say Kenley, but here I have to agree.  This is not going to work for you AT ALL.

– The challenge has to do with astrological signs and the goal is to be “avant garde”.  So basically, the garments are going to be wild and gaudy.  This seem like a good time to tell you that I am a Cancer. I’m a crab through and through.  Tough on the outside, and soft and smushy on the inside.  Just thought you should know.

– Yay!  Blayne and Stella!  Best hilarious combo ever!

– Ha!  Terri and Keith!  Worst combination of personalities EVER!

Designing and Sewing the Garments

– The teams “caucus” (or so Tim Gunn calls it).  Kenley thinks her sign (Aquarius) is PERFECT (shocker).  There’s a funny bit of editing here where Leanne says her team will be going with a “Scorpio” outfit because doesn’t want to do a “Libra” outfit where a girl walks down the runway holding her arms out like a scale.  Cut to Blayne holding his arms out like a scale and Stella nodding her head and saying “That’s beautiful.”  Heh.

– Oh, Terri and Keith are going to be a freaking TRAIN WRECK.  Terri wants faux fur.  I can only assume Keith wants to cut up tiny little squares of gauzy fabric and glue them to their model until she looks like a car wash swisher.  Keith is having a hard time dealing with his recent elimination.  He asks Terri to “be gentle with me”.  Yeah, show weakness.  That’ll work with Terri.

– Joe and Dainel are working on some kind of Ram inspired thing.

– With a voice that could peel paint off a wall, Kenley announces that she is working on something “very strong and progressive, like me”.  Leanne and Emily (our sweet-as-pie passive aggressives) are rolling their eyes, and Kenley (our straight shooter) declares that she’s “just having fun, and some girls don’t like that.”  Me. ow.

-Blayne/Stella and Jarell/Emily both have some kind of ca-RAZY schemes that Tim doesn’t understand.  Neither do I frankly.

-Leanne is so whispy and whimsical that I’m surprised she doesn’t float away as she explains her outfit.  Just listening to her makes me feel like I’m hovering above myself, high on Ambian and fairy dust.  Kenley’s voice, in comparison, is like fingernails on a blackboard.  These two both have to make it to the end.  They are like yin and yang.  But both bitches.  Kenley’s garment seems to be some kind of puffy-sleeved nightmare.

– Terri and Keith should just admit that they are in love.  The sexual tension is palpable.  When they undermine each other in front of Tim we all know that what they really mean is, “You complete me.”

– Dude!  Suede is 37!  He looks WAY younger than that.  Kate had no idea that Suede was such an oldenheimer!

– Uh-oh.  A note from Heidi announces that TWO designers will be eliminated!  Oh NO!  My heart fears for Jerell and Suede.  PLUS, they thought they had until midnight, but really they only have until 8pm.

– Terri is just hurting Keith’s feelings right and left.

– No more immunity.  This is hardcore, beeyotches.

– This is the part of the show where we see a montage of everyone running about all helter-skelter, madly sewing their models into weird pieces of their garments, and then various designers tell us that looking around the room they are feeling more and more confident (Kenley). This is ALSO the part of the show where often a designer will throw a shitfit about one of the sewing machines, but today we are machine-drama-free.  I’m worried about Korto.  I love her, but her flowy blue outfit is not done….and it appears to be ugly.

–  Everyone goes to some “party” at “The Rose Center For Earth and Space”, which seems to be a dimly lit planetarium lobby.  Yay!  Past season designers!  The ex-contestants seem to strike terror into the hearts of the current designers.  This seems like a rather odd location to be judging the garments.  It’s dark and the lighting is very blue.

– Kenley and Heidi get into a hiLARious argument about where everyone’s boobs are hanging.  There is a lot of unfriendly boob grabbing and Kenley says in a voiceover, “If Heidi’s talking nonsense, I’m going to step in and set her straight.”  Oh, please, please, please, DO Kenley!   But wait until the runway!  Wait until Nina Garcia is there!  Set Heidi straight in front of Nina!  Heidi knows NOTHING about boobs!  Set her straight, Kenley!  Do it!

– Oh, Suede. Katebits does not understand those weird “scale” appendages.

– Heidi is in rare form tonight.  She tells Blayne his outfit looks like “granny panties”.  I have to agree.

– Jay from Season One is looking MARVELOUS.  Good to see you, old friend.

– The next day, back at Parsons, Kenley is still all up in arms about boobs.

– The models get all tarted up at the Tresemme hair and makeup salon.

– Stella is still hammering away.  I miss her so much.

– Keith is pretending to be asleep when Tim comes to collect everyone for the runway.  Faker.

The Runway

– In the promos for this episode we saw a clip of Michael Kors saying, “She’s POOPING fabric,” about ONE MILLION TIMES.  All I really care about is figuring out which dress he was talking about.  Pooping fabric sounds very, very, very bad.

– Blayne and Stella’s outfit is hideous.  It’s like a half-skinned, tropical bird.  Stella says it’s “bling”.  I say it’s “grody”.  This HAS to be the fabric pooper.

– Kenley and Wesley (Wesley?  I have no recollection of him.)  I hate Kenley’s weird bulbous garment, but for some reason, no matter what whackadoo dress Kenley sends out, the judges are always complimenting the silhouette and generally slobbering all over it- so I clearly don’t know what I’m talking about here.  That IS a very interesting silhouette.  I have to give her that.

– Terri and Keith’s “Leo” outfit is kind of cool and quite lion-y. (Could this be the “pooping fabric” dress?)  Keith thinks it looks cheap and that Terri’s design aesthetic is questionable.  Shut up, Keith.

– Uh-oh.  I dunno, Korto.  It doesn’t look very polished…..and I’m concerned that the model might be pooping fabric.  I do think Korto should get points for clearly sticking to the “Aquarius” theme.  It does look watery.

– Joe and Daniel created a “fire” garment.  I think it’s really pretty.  But damnit, ALL these models are pooping fabric!  They must have smoked some bad Marlboro Lights! It’s a freaking fabric pooping epidemic!

– Jerrell and Jennifer.  This is exactly the kind of outfit that when I think “EW” the judges love it, and when I think “OOOH, PRETTY”, the judges say it looks like she’s pooping fabric.  I have no idea.  I LOVE the skirt, but the jacket looks like hell, and she has some kind of brown appendage in her hair.

-Leanne and Emily send out a weird little caped cocktail dress thingy.  It just looks like a black blob to me, but Leanne’s voiceover tells me that it’s has “strongness and structure”.  Um…kay.  It’s definitley NOT pooping fabric.

– Suede’s garment is blue and purpley with these weird floaty wings flying along behind the model.  I don’t think she’s pooping fabric, but she might be.  I dunno.  I’m worried about Suede here.


– In an odd departure from standard protocol, Korto, Jerell, Leanne, and Joe are told to step forward and leave the runway.  One of these designers will be the winner but they’ll have to wait to find out. This leaves Terri, Blayne, Kenley and Suede with the lowest scores.  Kenley and Terri look like they are trying to eviscerate Heidi with their steely glares.

– Blayne: Nina says it’s haphazard.  The guest judge (whoever he is) says it’s costumey.  Heidi says it isn’t pretty enough. (I agree, Heidi.  *bitchy high five*)  Michael says “SHE IS POOPING FABRIC,” and she totally is.

– Terri and Keith can’t WAIT to start trash talking each other in front of the judges.  The Judges don’t give a smidge about their drama.  They hate the outfit.  No strength.  Terri is “shocked” to hear these comments.  I am too, Terri.  I don’t think it’s that bad.

– When told by the judges that her look not only has nothing to do with the challenge AND that it’s been done before, Kenley screetches that she was “TOTALLY INSPIRED BY STRENGTH, REBELLION, AND PURPLE.”  She and the judges squabble over the definition of “avant garde” until Kenley rolls her eyes and shakes her head in righteous indignation.

– Suede says “Suede didn’t want to take it too crazy…”  The judges think it’s boring and not avant garde.

-I think Suede and Blayne are toast.  The judges discuss the designers bitchily for a few minutes.

The Results

-WHOA, Jarell WINS.  See?  I am a terrible Project Runway judge.

-Kenley is in.  Obviously.  She’s our villain for the remainder of the season.

-Heidi says all manner of mean things to the remaining three before she says, “Blayne, you’re out.”  Blayne says, “Being eliminated is kind of like a slap in the face.”  Katebits says, “Kind of?”

WOW.  Suede is IN.  Heidi: “That means, Terri you are out.”  DUDE.  This is a SHOCKER.  Terri’s outfit wasn’t that shitty and she has been consistently good throughout the competition.  I think this is an outrage and a scandal.  (But Kate is happy that Suede is still in.  Kate thinks Suede is a sweetie pie.)

The teaser for next week is OUTRAGEOUS as it seems to hint that Nina Garcia is moved to TEARS by the crappiness of the designs presented.  Man, I love Project Runway.


26 Responses to “Project Runway Recap: Pooping Fabric”

  1. 1 Meg September 11, 2008 at 12:00 am

    Everyone goes to some “party” at “The Rose Center For Earth and Space”, which seems to be a dimly lit planetarium lobby.

    A dimly lit lobby of AWESOME. The Hayden Planetarium is in the Rose Center (which in turn is part of the Museum of Natural History) but the Rose Center itself is really neat. It has the Hall of Planet Earth and the Hall of the Universe and best of all, the Cosmic Pathway, which uses a single strand of hair to represent all of human existence. I, uh, suspect that the designers were a wee bit less excited by the Cosmic Pathway than I am.

    I loved your recap. Kenley’s outfit was so wacky (and not in the good haute couture way but in the ick-step-away-from-the-plaid-and-floral-prints way). I actually loved Leanne’s though which looked very runway ready to me. Actual runway as opposed to reality show runway, that is.

  2. 2 Katebits September 11, 2008 at 12:04 am

    Wait, you mean PR isn’t REAL runway?!!! I’m crushed! :P

  3. 3 Meg September 11, 2008 at 12:11 am

    Ah, but would a real runway show provide us with so much fantastic amusement? I think not!

  4. 4 Katebits September 11, 2008 at 12:14 am

    Very true. Thanks for liking the recap, Meg!

  5. 5 Glenn September 11, 2008 at 12:34 am

    This is the best. show. ever.
    There needs to be a hockey jersey challenge….could you even imagine?

  6. 6 JBo September 11, 2008 at 1:31 am

    Okay. A few things.

    Firstly, goddamnit Blayne! Why did you have to leave me the show? I shall miss your surfer look.

    Secondly, I hate you, Kenley! I’m an Aquarius and you totally ruined my rebellious and purplious streak in me! I’m so ashamed! GOD can’t you just die? Please? For me?

    Thirdly, with the exception of those poofy sleeves at the top, I LOVED Terri’s dress. Call me cheap but I’d wear that shit anyday. (Well, not really. I don’t do the cross-dressing thing.)

    Fifthly (right?) I absolutely DIED when I read your comparison of Keith and car wash swishers.

  7. 7 Amy September 11, 2008 at 8:38 am

    I’m going to miss Blayne. You never really knew what was going to come out of his mouth (Mary Kate a fashion icon? Really?)

    Even though Terri had a good record previously, I really think she was eliminated because she wasn’t able to work well with Keith. The judges clearly didn’t appreciate her trying to throw Keith under the bus on the runway.

  8. 8 Schnookie September 11, 2008 at 10:29 am

    What a marvelous recap! Thanks for performing this service for us, Katebits!

    I was so surprised at how sneakily Blayne stole my heart. I didn’t even really know he’d done it until he was gone. He and Stella should get their own spin-off. They’re so adorable.

    Kenley is Satan incarnate. I love your point, Katebits, that she’s getting the villain edit now. I was saying to Pookie last night that the judges clearly disliked her garment more than Suede’s, but the producers want to keep her on the show because she’s more galvanizing a character (and prettier) than Suede is. I’m hoping, though, that she’s just going to be kept around as a Wendy Pepper sort of curiosity — there’s no way she’ll win, but everyone loves to hate her (except Mike Schopp, who seems blinded by her lame hipster-girl retro look. Please! She’s just a walking incarnation of etsy! Kenleys are a dime a dozen!). Anyway, that justification that she used purple, and thus was WILDLY inspired by the zodiac sign was HIGH-larious.

    I love it when the judges give a designer the boot just because they were too much of a raging diva to work well with someone else. Sure, I wouldn’t be able to work with the combined ego and drippiness of Keith (not to mention lack of talent), but Terri needed to try a little harder than she did.

    Oh, and Meg, the Hayden Planetarium and its surrounds are one of my favorite places on earth. I can’t think of the Cosmic Pathway off the top of my head, but that walkway around the Hayden Sphere, where they scale the universe from subatomic particles to solar systems, all in relation to the sphere, is one of the most awesome science experiences I’ve ever had. Now I have to go back into the city to see the Cosmic Pathway! :D

  9. 9 Katebits September 11, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    RIP, Blayne. You will be missed by many.

    As for Terri- I see what you guys are saying about the judges punishing her for being an ass-tastic teammate and leader, but still, that garment really wasn’t that bad. I think that when you take her past performances on the show into account it’s really odd that she was eliminated when there was also Suede AND Kenley’s monstrosities on the runway. I just thought it was unnecessarily harsh. For my money, Terri had a chance to make it to the final three, so I’m sad to see her go when other CLEARLY less talented designers remain. (But again, I’m glad Suede survived because I love him.)

    As for Kenley- I have to admit, I kind of like her personal style (I like it a lot better than her designs actually). I’ve got no beef with her look. It’s THAT VOICE, sweet merciful heavens, THAT VOICE. (And also what she says.) :P Love her or hate her, she’s the star of the show at this point. (Note to PR editors: If you want to be REALLY mean, you could do a rapid edit where you switch back and forth between Kenley’s loud “aren’t I just the most fun ever” laugh, and her, “OMG, no one feels things as deeply a I do” crying. It would be brutal….but funny.)

    Sounds like I need to get me to that planetarium!

  10. 10 danielleia September 11, 2008 at 12:28 pm

    JBo, I totally agree. His hair is missed.

    Kate, my blog was linked to some TV site before when I recapped and liveblogged PR. I love that everyone loves that show.

  11. 11 Katebits September 11, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    Oooh, I didn’t know you were doing PR recaps, danielleia! I’ll have to go check them out!

  12. 12 Schnookie September 11, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    Note to PR editors: If you want to be REALLY mean, you could do a rapid edit where you switch back and forth between Kenley’s loud “aren’t I just the most fun ever” laugh, and her, “OMG, no one feels things as deeply a I do” crying. It would be brutal….but funny.

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That would be the best thing EVAH! And I agree with you, Katebits, that Kenley’s voice, laugh, and general assitude are the problem. I have no beef with her personal look, other than that it’s nowhere near as original as Kenley probably thinks it is, and it makes me think that she should be selling her fashions on etsy rather than actually trying to become a bona fide fashion designer.

    Suede’s garment was SO much better than Terri’s! I think we need to remember the fur collar when we assess Terri’s design — factoring that in even further justifies her getting the boot. :P

  13. 13 Pookie September 11, 2008 at 12:45 pm

    Meg, I was so glad to your comment because I was totally going to launch into a “The Rose Center is the COOLEST PLACE EVER!” The Scales of the Universe thing that Schnookie mentioned is so fucking awesome. I haven’t seen the Cosmic Pathway. Maybe instead of going to T Salon we could go to the Rose Center! And Katebits, you totally need to check it out sometime. The planetarium is a big sphere surrounded by a big glass box. All that blue light you were mentioning from the lobby shines out of the glass box, making it this really cool glowing cube surrounded by the old, classic building of the Natural History Museum and it’s surrounds. So, so, so cool.

    As for Kenley, I CANNOT STAND HER. I cannot believe the judges didn’t just kick her off the runway after her shrill defending of her ugly-asses outfit. She’s got such a bad attitude! I loved Wesley washing his hands of the whole affair in such a more mature, low-key way than Keith.

    I loved Leanne’s Scorpio outfit. She’s my pick to win it all at this point. I want her to win with Suede doing the talking for her. I love Suede the person, but his designs just aren’t exciting enough for him to win.

  14. 14 Katebits September 11, 2008 at 12:55 pm

    Suede’s garment was SO much better than Terri’s!

    What?! I’m sorry, but you dear, are a FOOL! That’s reDONK. Suede’s garment was messy and TOTALLY fugly. At least Terri’s outfit was well made and didn’t make the model look all lumpy and lopsided. Terri was ROBBED!

    I loved Wesley washing his hands of the whole affair in such a more mature, low-key way than Keith.

    One of the problems with PR (and any reality show I suppose) is that the sane people never get any camera time. I feel like that’s happening with Korto right now. She’s just calmly being awesome and as a result we know nothing about her. Of course, she’s probably kind of boring…

    Wow, I really need to go to the planetarium!

  15. 15 Katebits September 11, 2008 at 1:00 pm

    Also, the fur collar was GONE by the time they got to the runway! The judges never even saw it! TERRI WAS VICTIMIZED!

  16. 16 Amy September 11, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    I think we need to remember the fur collar when we assess Terri’s design — factoring that in even further justifies her getting the boot.

    Read Tim’s Take on the Bravo site. He called Terri’s fur collar “chewed up and spit out roadkill.”

    He also said that he was thrown under the bus by Suede and his partner on the runway. Suede’s partner made a comment along that lines of they shouldn’t have listened to Tim and edited their garment down. However, the first rule of Project Runway is “always listen to Tim Gunn.” Have these people never seen the show before?

  17. 17 Katebits September 11, 2008 at 1:06 pm

    They threw TIM under the bus?! Okay, that’s just retarded.

  18. 18 Schnookie September 11, 2008 at 3:07 pm

    Whoa! Throwing TIM under the bus??? I’m horrified! And now I don’t like Suede anymore… unless we can just blame it on the other guy. Let’s do that, and never speak of this again. (I love Suede too much to hate on him. He’s so darling!)

    Katebits, I’m afraid it is YOU who are the FOOL. Terri’s garment was poop! It could have come out of the back of Blayne’s outfit!

  19. 19 Katebits September 11, 2008 at 3:54 pm

    That was DEFINITELY the other guy, not Suede, who tried to blame Tim for that hideous dress.

    Terri’s garment was poop! It could have come out of the back of Blayne’s outfit!

    :^::::::::::::: Well played. Entirely FOOLISH, but well played.

  20. 20 Chaz September 11, 2008 at 6:31 pm

    Random thoughts of PR by Chaz:

    The Hayden Planetarium sounds SO cool. Too bad NYC scares me. It’s like the one place I never want to go…

    Kenley’s dress came complete with built-in floatation devices.

    Suede’s garment was SO much better than Terri’s! I think we need to remember the fur collar when we assess Terri’s design — factoring that in even further justifies her getting the boot.

    If I recall, they did take into consideration what the former contestants said. Since Terri’s outfit looked straight out of Lion King the night before, I’m sure this helped sink her? It was WAY better during the runway.

    Chazs’ favorite part was Nina and Michael discussing how Suede thinks he’s bigger than he is because he refers to himself in the third person.

    Chaz hopes Suede is ready to go home, because that’s what’s going to happen when Tim throws Suede under the bus. Tim drives a bigger bus then Tim.

    There needs to be a hockey jersey challenge….could you even imagine?
    Glenn, the problem is the episode would HAVE to contain Sean Avery instead of D Roy. D Roy would so kick ass on PR.

  21. 21 Amy September 11, 2008 at 7:17 pm

    the problem is the episode would HAVE to contain Sean Avery instead of D Roy. D Roy would so kick ass on PR.

    Avery already did one of those post-episode online shows that are only available to American Express cardholders. I could honestly see him as a guest judge or “client” at some point down the line.

  22. 22 Katebits September 11, 2008 at 10:34 pm

    I’m not going to lie, the one place on earth that I might not mind seeing Sean Avery is on Project Runway.

  23. 23 Courtney S.F. September 14, 2008 at 11:04 am

    Courtney finally got around to watching this week’s PR and she feels it’s time for Suede to go. Courtney has never liked his third person thing and a if she sees him blow kisses heavenward one more time, she might just poop fabric.

  24. 24 Katebits September 14, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    Ha! Kate kind of loves it when Suede blows a kiss heavenward.

  25. 25 kathleen September 30, 2008 at 8:55 pm

    I am a huge PR fan. Next week looks like big drama, and I can hardly wait! I still visit the old neighborhood now and again — and I think this excellent piece could have also been on Oh For Fun! I wish the peeps on Wall Street and in DC would just watch PR and chill. They are making me crazy.

  1. 1 Pretty Tuned In: Son of Project Runway « The Pretty Year Trackback on September 4, 2009 at 1:58 pm

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