When I woke up this morning and this story was making the media rounds, I said to myself, “Self, this is bullshit. You need to eat some marshmallows for breakfast and then think of a way to create a little joy in this world, because this town is gonna make you crazy.” I then proceeded to create a little joy in this world by eating marshmallows for breakfast and taking a nap from 10:30am-11:45. (I didn’t say I was going to create joy in the WHOLE world…..just mine. )
There is a limit to how many things I can worry about at once. Here are the things currently on my “to worry about” list:
(in no particular order)
1. Super germs
2. The Bills moving to Toronto.
3. How can Q-tips be bad when they feel so good?
4. The economy
5. Where is that buzzing sound coming from on my viola?
6. Whether or not the Sabres need a new coach. (I’m sorry to say that I think they do)
As you can see, I have no room in my life to worry about the Sabres being sold and moved to Hamilton. I suppose this topic is a perfectly reasonable thing to worry about, but I just don’t have room on my plate for it right now. It’s not you, random-report-that-the-Sabres-are-up-for-sale-to-the-highest-bidder, it’s me.
So, without further ado (or angst about this, or any other thing not on the above list), here is your gameday blog:
Favorite Sabre: Tom Golisano. Tom, have I told you lately that I love you?
Least Favorite Sabre: All of the rest of them.
Worst news EVER: The Sabres are moving to Hamilton? Whatevs. THIS GAME IS ON VERSUS?! I WISH I WAS DEAD.
Prediction: Sabres asses on a platter, handed to whoever owns the Sabres at the end of this game.
Item representing my hopes that the Sabres win this game: A single grain of rice.
Is this better than no hope at all? I don’t know, but it’s all we’ve got, so eat up, homes!
After the 1st (2-1, Penguins)
Mood: When expectations are incredibly low, the carnage is easier to absorb. And actually, the carnage hasn’t been that bad so far. I mean, what are you supposed to do against Malkin?
Favorite Sabre: Dave and Adam’s. I LOVE this new Pommerdoodle commercial. I love P-Doods pretending to be a stock boy, but I don’t understand the end where Peters says “You’re so lucky,” and then P-Doods shrugs his shoulders. I mean, I, um, literally don’t understand that part. I think I might love Dave and Adam’s a little bit MORE when their commercials make no sense. (Shop Dave and Adam’s, people.)
Least Favorite Sabre: Nathan Gerbe, don’t try to impress your new teammates by choosing to pass forty times rather than shoot. Your new teammates are idiots, FYI. Don’t try to emulate them in ANY WAY.
Summary of events: Evgeni Malkin is very, very, very good at hockey.
Item representing my hopes for the Sabres winning this game: one rice cake.
Ultimately unsatisfying, but kind of pleasant to munch on.
After the 2nd (3-3)
Mood: Pleased? Stunned? Flabbergasted?
Favorite Sabre: The 5-on-3 penalty kill. Killing off a full two minutes of 5-on-3 = straight up hot. (Somehow managing to play half the game down TWO MEN = considerably LESS hot.)
Least Favorite Sabre: Thomas Vanek, how about you don’t spend the entire third period in the penalty box, m’kay?
Summary of events: The Penguins failed to break the game open when given ten years of 5-on-3, and the Sabres (somehow, miraculously) managed to capitalize on the defensive breakdowns of their foes.
Item representing my hope for the Sabres winning this game: Rice Pudding.
Looks gross, tastes great.
At the End (4-3, Sabres)
Mood: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! That was one of the most entertaining games we’ve seen all year. Stressful, but fun. I totally dig how the Sabres have delivered back-to-back heartbreaking loses to the Pens. Suck it, Sid.
Favorite Sabre: Ryan Miller, you complete me.
Item representing this game: This is a grain of rice, carved and painted to look like a cruise ship.
Why does a person carve and paint a grain of rice to look like a cruise ship? I don’t know. Why do people invest so much energy in sports? Because sometimes sports feel great.
Let’s Go Buff-a-lo!!