No offense Buffalo, but you’re beginning to sound a little unhinged. I always get kind of nervous when you start to act like this. Yes, the Sabres are soft. No, you don’t have to have to go all Cuckoo for Crankypuffs about it.
It’s not that I don’t think the Sabres are soft, it’s just that my distaste for the tone of this dialog is far outweighing my interest in the subject matter. Furthermore, it’s not like the Sabres being soft is even the most significant issue right now! The way I see it, we’ve got plenty of other things to freak out about, including, but not limited to:
1. Tomorrow, and for the foreseeable future, Patrick Lalime is our goaltender.
2. I don’t understand why Crunchy hasn’t taken a little more heat for this whole mess. What, is Ryan Miller too good for ankle steroids? If Crunchy had spent the summer bulking up his spindly little ankles instead of gallivanting around Europe with Goose, maybe this whole fiasco could have been avoided.
3. Has anyone considered that Ryan Miller is faking? If I were pissed off at my teammates for being reluctant to stand up for me, and I lived in a city prone to sports-related mass hysteria, I might limp around in a walking boot just for fun too.
4. If Thomas Vanek doesn’t have a blowhole drilled by tomorrow, I’m going to flip the eff out. Enough of this bullhonky! Man up, Thomas! If we don’t have Ryan Miller, we’re going to need a LOT more goals. Get your gimpy jaw back in the game, RIGHT NOW.
5. The Rangers hired Tortorella. This pisses me off because he was my go-to coach in case Lindy ever needed to be fired. (I know, I know. You guys don’t like to think about these things, but SOMEONE has to come up with a Plan B. Tortorella was my Plan B.) I kind of love Torts, and now he’s a disgusting Ranger. Sad.
To review: Everyone stop shouting about the Sabres being soft, and start shouting about blowholes and ankle steroids. Thank you.