4 Things

1.The Caps/Pens series is totally out of control.  In the battle of Sid vs. Ovie, I’m a Sid girl all the way, but I’m not particularly enamored of the Penguins, so it’s not killing me to see them lose.  I just really, REALLY want this series to go to seven games. The first two games have been fantastic entertainment, but I’d like to see more desperation from the Pens.

For this post I originally wrote a long explanation of why I preferred Sid to Ovie, but I decided to leave it out because it was hella boring.  My short version?  Ovie seems like kind of a narcissistic douche, and Crosby seems like a neurotic freak show.  I find “neurotic freak show” more compelling.

They’re both incredible players, and anyone who says otherwise is stoopid.  (Truth be told, out of the three of them, I like Malkin the best, but not if he’s going to be a big choker every year in the playoffs.  Pull it together, Geno!)

2. I do not want the NHL to go to a 4-on-4 OT format in the playoffs, but I guess I think if we want to stick to the current format (and again, I DO), then we need to stop whining about the way NBC treats hockey, just admit it’s a niche sport, do our best to get Versus on every cable package, and tell NBC to kiss off.  Playoff hockey, as it’s currently played, is a TERRIBLE television sport from the perspective of the networks.  Small ratings, the very REAL possibility of the game going twice as long as scheduled, and then NO COMMERCIAL STOPPAGES during the OTs.  I love it, you love it, all of Canada loves it…..but I understand why NBC doesn’t love it.

I think the NHL and network television should just break-up.

3. Speaking of NBC Sports….if I were more of a Wild fan I would be veeeeery nervous about the possibility of Pierre McGuire becoming the GM, but since I’m just a regular old hockey fan I’m more like, “PLEEEEEEEASE hire him, Minnesota Wild!  PLLLLLLLEEEEEEEASE get him off my television screen!”  And, Wild?  I’m pretty sure Mike Milbury is available for that vacant coaching position.  Just a thought.

4. This has nothing to do with hockey, but a few days ago I had a total brain synapse malfunction.  After I brushed my teeth, I took a sip of water, and was swishing it around, and while I was doing that I was also cleaning out my ears with a q-tip (sexy story so far, huh?).  When it was time to spit out the water, in one of those weird moments of letting your brain get royally confused during mundane tasks, I dropped the q-tip into the sink, and spit the mouthful of water OUT ONTO THE BATHROOM FLOOR.  Allow me to repeat; I very deliberately turned my head away from the sink, and spit a mouthful of water onto the floor.  It was weird.   And worrisome.  And I wanted to document it somewhere on the internet so that if I have a stroke next week, one of you guys can tell the doctor, “Oh, yeah.  She’s been showing signs of dementia for weeks.  She spit her swishy toothpaste water out onto the floor a few days ago.”

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46 Responses to “4 Things”


  1. 1 Erin May 5, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    Why do I love this post so much?

    I’ve totally had those brain farts. I’ve poured coffee in my lap, dumped spaghetti in the sink and kept the water, and left the remote in the FREEZER. All on purpose. Hilarious.

    And calling Crosby a ‘neurotic freakshow’. Perfection.

  2. 2 ms.conduct May 5, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    LMAO. I did something like that the other day. My dog takes Benedryl for his allergies but they metabolize it different from humans so he takes 5 at a time (he’s a big guy).

    I’m kind of an insomniac so occasionally I’ll take a Benedryl before bed to get myself back on track sleep-wise. Well, out of habit, I dumped FIVE Benedryls into my hand and popped them into my mouth with some water.

    I realized what I’d done immediately, but instead of walking 5 feet to the sink, I panicked and just spit them out right on the kitchen floor. And then laughed myself silly at a) what I’d just done and b) how utterly passed out for like 3 days I would have been if I’d swallowed 5 Benedryl. Yikes!

  3. 3 Sally May 5, 2009 at 2:42 pm

    #4… AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I love it! I really wasn’t expecting that at all. Everyone has those moments!

    While your toothpaste story doesn’t make me wonder if you’re going crazy, your opposite-of-hate for Crosby sure does. Ovie’s a total dbag for sure. But if I had a chance, I’d punch Crosby in his Charlie Browns in a second.

  4. 4 Pookie May 5, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    I cannot agree with #2 more. I just said this weekend that instead of going to 4-on-4, why doesn’t the NHL just agree that any game that goes into more than one OT automatically gets transferred to Versus? It’s just not that hard!

  5. 5 Schnookie May 5, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    This was the best hockey-related blog post I read all day. I loved every single item in it, and am forwarding #4 to Gary Bettman while forwarding #2 to all my friends and family for a good laugh.

    Wait… something’s wrong with that…

  6. 6 Matt May 5, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    BWAHAHAHAH! That’s like me the other day when I spent 3 hours (THREE HOURS) looking for my work boots only to find them neatly arranged on the bottom shelf of the fridge.

    And if I had to choose one, I would be punching Crosby in the Mommy-Daddy Button. Ovie may be a douche-canoe, but at least he has some sort of personality that doesn’t involve high-pitched whining.

  7. 7 Shelby Rose May 5, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    I have never had an experience like #4, haha. I’m sorry that happened! How weird.

    I prefer Sid over Ovie as well, but I agree that they are both amazing players. This series is entertaining already because the both of them scored the same amount of goals in each game so far. When was the last time guys got hat tricks on both teams in the same game?

  8. 8 Katebits May 5, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    AAAAAAAHAHAHAHA! All these stories of brain malfunctions are so funny! I’m glad I’m not alone, at least.

  9. 9 KozyShank May 5, 2009 at 5:52 pm

    The play by play of your brain malfunction was great and you would not believe how many times I’ve put a box of Capn’ Crunch in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard.

  10. 10 Phil May 5, 2009 at 6:11 pm

    Cindy just whined at one of the refs that the hat-toss for OV’s trick was too long and wanted them to make it stop. Puck Daddy’s got the scoop on that.

    Grow a pair, the most exciting player in the game just scored his first career hat trick at home. I’ll bet if the situation was reversed, you wouldn’t be whining.

    OV >>>>> Cindy, IMO

  11. 11 radoran May 5, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    1. Love Ovechkin and how he plays the game. Crosby? Has a chance to be the first multi-sport professional Olympic athlete – diving and hockey.

    2. #@$% NBC

    3. I have always questioned why NBC thinks we should take two abject failures seriously as commentators… What’s next? Some moribund franchise hires Barry Melrose? Oh, wait…

    4. the only people who know where the edge is have already gone over it…

  12. 12 Katebits May 5, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    radoran, Crosby is a diver for SURE, but I don’t think Ovie-lovers can claim the moral high ground on that AT ALL. The Gr8 8 took TWO world class swan dives last night.

    you would not believe how many times I’ve put a box of Capn’ Crunch in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard.

    AHAHAHAHAH!

  13. 13 Patty (in Dallas) May 5, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    The Gr8 8 took TWO world class swan dives last night.

    It’s amazing to me that he is barely getting called on that today.

    I’m a Sid girl, too. I find Ovie’s “personality” to be wholly contrived.

    I’m impressed that you can swish toothpaste water and use a q-tip at the same time!

  14. 14 Frisbee May 6, 2009 at 9:51 am

    I did number 4 yesterday. Except it involved me draining pasta into the trash can. We have so much in common.

    Except this Ovie thing. Listen, I have watched him for about 100 games now, and he is a really, really stupid 23 year old boy who acts like a total idiot most of the time. I think there’s lots to be irritated by, but I also think what’s real is that he loves to play hockey, and that he really wouldn’t notice if you threw a brick at his head. Anyone who thinks he has crafted any sort of image is ignoring the fact that he is WAY too much of a dummy to have done that.

    Oh, and he’s really, really good at hockey. And incredibly exciting to watch. But mostly I just get a kick out of his little-boy exuberance about everything.

    I have no beef with Sidney. Clearly, he’s the technically better player, and his hand-eye coordination is unreal. He’s just an unexciting, whiny little baby. This “the fans are throwing hats after a hat trick!!!” business was the last straw for me.

  15. 15 LizzieB May 6, 2009 at 10:02 am

    I’m gonna swim against the crowd here. I love me some Ovie and I hate Crosby. Hate. Hate. HATE. Ovie’s a freak show and all, but Sid is just sooooo boring. I”m so tired of seeing his big purple Grimace lips. And he needs to shut the fuck up and play hockey – so whiny! Man up, Sid. It’s the playoffs.

  16. 16 Schnookie May 6, 2009 at 10:09 am

    Considering that popular sentiment around the hockey interwebs and in this comment thread is that Sid is a boring whiner, I’m not sure taking that stance is exactly “swimming against the crowd”.

  17. 17 Frisbee May 6, 2009 at 10:55 am

    Actually, I might need to take it back. I’ve been thinking about it, and maybe I actually am a Sidney girl. I mean, I totally get excited about going to games in this series because I LIKE hating Sidney and seeing what absurd thing he might do.

    This was equally true in the Rangers series when the most exciting thing about the game for me was hating Sean Avery.

    Now, this is in no way equating Sid with Avery. Sid is probably the exact opposite of Sean Avery. But I do find Sid’s absolute neurosis totally compelling, and I get really excited thinking he might do something crazy during the game that I can then make fun of.

    But then again, I also get excited to go to games and see Ovie be awesome. So I guess there’s that.

  18. 18 Jaime May 6, 2009 at 12:38 pm

    I’m still laughing at #4! I could see me doing that. I’ve locked myself out of the house 3 times in the last two weeks. Calling for help from my mother to get me my extra set of keys is embarrassing, then doing it 2 more times is downright awful.

  19. 19 Heather B. May 6, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    I do not understand how anyone could watch Sidney Crosby play hockey and find him boring. At all.

  20. 20 Matt May 6, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    Considering that popular sentiment around the hockey interwebs and in this comment thread is that Sid is a boring whiner, I’m not sure taking that stance is exactly “swimming against the crowd”.

    LizzieB has a lot in common with me. We both like to think we’re rebels…

  21. 21 Matt May 6, 2009 at 4:00 pm

    I do not understand how anyone could watch Sidney Crosby play hockey and find him boring. At all.

    I don’t think that statement was intended to apply to his on-ice performance. The nuances of what he does right are astounding. Off the ice though, who is he? From my view, he’s just a guy that stands around in ads, posing with products; no personality.

  22. 22 Heather B. May 6, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    Off the ice though, who is he?

    He’s a 21-year-old kid who’s been answering the same questions for three years and has had to deal with the pressure of saving his franchise AND the league since before he was even in the NHL. Ovechkin being the goofy sidekick for so long (from a PR standpoint) has been a total advantage for him. He hasn’t had to grow up and figure out who he is with the NHL’s chosen spotlight on him. He also wasn’t as young as Sid.

    And seriously, Ovechkin has been giving some variation of the same interview for three years too:

    “Hockey’s fun! Where women? :::nearly kills himself or someone else with moving vehicle of some kind:::

    I don’t care about Sid’s personality. I care about the way he performs on the ice. Maybe that wasn’t what this particular comment was saying but he does take a lot of guff from people because his game isn’t as flashy as Ovechkin’s and that’s ridiculous. His game is just as rich and developed as Ovechkin’s if not more so. I’m just weary of the “Ovechkin has so much fun out there!” observation. Pretty sure Side probably loves hockeky too.

  23. 23 Katebits May 6, 2009 at 5:23 pm

    Hee! I swear all the good conversations happen on days when I have exactly zero computer access.

    I was thinking about why I choose Sid over Ovechkin (and honestly, why on EARTH do we have to choose?), and there are a TON of reasons, but a big one right now is that I feel a little bad for the kid. I agree, he’s boring and whiny. I also agree that he dives (so does Ovechkin), but all he’s ever been bred to do is be the poster child for hockey. Now, even though he’s done everything every agent, NHL commissioner, parent, and athletic company has ever asked of him, everyone hates him. I agree that there is a real hollowness to the persona that has been created around Sid, but maybe that’s because the poor guy has been groomed since he was a child to be a bland, non-controversial salesman. That’s not really his fault. In fact, it’s downright tragic.

    Furthermore, I see a real and genuine passion in Sid’s playing that manifests itself TOTALLY differently that Ovechkin’s, but it IS there, and to me, it’s incredibly compelling. There is a focus and ferociousness to his game that can be overlooked, especially when compared to Ovechkin whose game is boisterous and projects outward. Yeah, Sid is a pill off the ice, but his whining about hat tricks is INTERESTING. Sid literally has no patience, understanding, or tolerance for normal human shenanigans. In my opinion, that’s the opposite of boring. I want to STUDY him, and I feel deep sympathy for him.

    To me, the brutality and the uniformity of the dislike for Sid from hockey fans outside of Pittsburgh (He’s a whiner! He’s a diver! He’s boring!) is sort of unimaginative, and a LARGE part of my preference for him is because I think Sid a more nuanced choice. Ovie is Ovie. What you see is what you get. (And what you get with Ovechkin is pretty spectacular. I’m really arguing against Ovie.) But Sid is a freaking greek tragedy. I don’t understand why more people don’t find THAT interesting.

    I should also add that I have some sympathy for the “he’s so overhyped that I can’t even deal with him” argument, because that’s pretty much how I feel about Ovechkin at this point. By the time I came along as a hockey fan, the pendulum was already swinging towards Ovechkin in the court of public opinion, and so I missed the first wave of Crosby hype. Ovechkin is the darling of the NHL now, and Sid is the shadowy outcast. The whole thing is fascinating to me.

  24. 24 Katebits May 6, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    One more thing: I think it makes perfect sense that Pens fans hate Ovechkin and Caps fans hate Crosby. While I find a lot of the “rivalry” totally contrived I would NEVER expect a Caps fan to like Crosby or vice versa.

    I just happen to be more sympathetic to the Pens fans because I like Sid. The pacifier thing in DC just blew my mind. I mean, sure, make fun of Crosby, but YOU’RE THE IDIOT WITH A PACIFIER IN YOUR MOUTH. The pacifier incident made me hate Crosby haters. I just thought it was monumentally undignified in a these-people-don’t-understand-that-the-joke-is-now-on-them, kind of way.

    (And Frisbee, just so you don’t feel singled out as the only person [that I know of] in this thread who is a primary Caps fan, I’m not talking about you. I [totally heart] you, you Sid-hating beeyotch. :D)

  25. 25 Phil May 6, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    A little off topic, but pertaining to the conversation:

    Katebits, your comments on Crosby being groomed and the spokesperson and all of that makes him a perfect foil for Ovechkin. Why is that? Ovechkin is the maniacal, live-fast-and-die-young rockstar hockey player and Crosby is ‘The Man’ – the corporate, suit-and-tie, cutthroat executive (you could practically see the vitriol shooting from his eyes during the Mad Hatter Game). It’s perfect, really. I think that is where people choose sides, now that it’s noted by both camps that OV dives as much as Crosby, and Crosby has as much burning desire as OV.

    I’m a maniacal, live-fast-and-die-young kinda guy myself, so I connect with Ovechkin’s toothless smile, ridiculous celebrations (his hat trick celebration was PURE GOLD), and various quirks.

    To each their own.

    PS, I want to see those two throw down SO BADLY. It’ll be as epic as the Iggy/Lecavalier fight in ’04

  26. 26 Matt May 6, 2009 at 5:59 pm

    Maybe that wasn’t what this particular comment was saying but he does take a lot of guff from people because his game isn’t as flashy as Ovechkin’s and that’s ridiculous.

    Absolutely! It breaks my heart that because his game is so polished and spectacularly nuanced it’s impossible to show a new fan why he’s so good. The best part about Crosby’s game is that it’s so seamless. You don’t see him straining under the effort or playing on the ragged edge. Everything is within reach for his game. He’s a joy to watch but impossible to explain. =(

    Now, even though he’s done everything every agent, NHL commissioner, parent, and athletic company has ever asked of him, everyone hates him. I agree that there is a real hollowness to the persona that has been created around Sid, but maybe that’s because the poor guy has been groomed since he was a child to be a bland, non-controversial salesman.

    Well, I’m certainly not blaming Sid for being bland, but the persona that surrounds him is exactly why he bores me. I HATE, HATE, HATEHATEHATE being pitched to, given the hard sell. The NHL was so desperate for a cover boy that Sid got shoved down our collective throats while Ovie had a chance to demonstrate something. By the time they realized Crosby was overexposed from the get-go it was simply too late for him to break the shell of that persona. I will probably never be able to see anything but the life-sized, cardboard cutout that they made of him.

  27. 27 Katebits May 6, 2009 at 5:59 pm

    Crosby is ‘The Man’ – the corporate, suit-and-tie, cutthroat executive

    I respect what you’re saying, and agree that when these two men are compared using really broad terms and really surface-y measuring sticks, you are right. Ovie is the rockstar to Crosby’s suit. But to me, the fact that Crosby has been METICULOUSLY groomed to be a golden boy, and somehow has wound up the most hated man in hockey, is downright facsinating. I just think the whole situation is a lot more complicated than “Rockstar versus Suit”.

    To swallow that storyline whole…is just not my thing.

  28. 28 Matt May 6, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    and somehow has wound up the most hated man in hockey

    Uh, no. Gary Bettman hasn’t stepped down.

  29. 29 Schnookie May 6, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    Tossing in my two cents, I think without Sid as “The Suit”, Ovie’s “Rockstar” would not be nearly as celebrated as it is. If he didn’t have a straight man doing all the corporate heavy lifting, wouldn’t Ovie be painted as the “everything that’s wrong with modern athletes” kind of superstar, the kind that hockey fans like to point to in the NFL and NBA as examples of why our sport is better than those?

  30. 30 Katebits May 6, 2009 at 6:10 pm

    Uh, no. Gary Bettman hasn’t stepped down.

    Heh. Fair enough. Sid’s the second most hated man in hockey.

  31. 31 Frisbee May 6, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    I heart you more, you Sidney apologist nerd. Who plays the viola. Viola nerd.

  32. 32 Katebits May 6, 2009 at 6:29 pm

    The only thing that would make Sid a bigger nerd is if he played the viola. :P

    Schnookie, that is a VERY good point. Ovechkin is a lot less charming without Sid.

  33. 33 Matt May 6, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    If he didn’t have a straight man doing all the corporate heavy lifting, wouldn’t Ovie be painted as the “everything that’s wrong with modern athletes” kind of superstar

    Imagine it, decades from now. Sid’s Jack Lemmon and Ovie’s Walter Matthau ice fishing in Alberta. Hilarity ensues as they both fall for the same neighborly woman!

  34. 34 Phil May 6, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    Schnookie, great point.

    Katebits, it probably is more complicated than just “The Rebel v The Man”, but to me, that deeper argument comes down to Crosby being the result of Bettman’s machinations. Once Bettman is gone, I’m sure Crosby will be far less hated.

    I, for one, hope this taking-of-sides never ceases – it’ll be good for the sport, for non-hockey fans to walk by a pair or more of debating fans in the middle of an “OV v Crosby” argument. To see such heated arguing will draw attention, and new fans, to the league.

    I just hope Crosby never punches another player in the cojones ever again. Heh

  35. 35 Katebits May 6, 2009 at 6:51 pm

    I just hope Crosby never punches another player in the cojones ever again. Heh

    Please. That’s your favorite thing that ever happened. Ever. :P

  36. 36 Pookie May 6, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    To swallow that storyline whole…is just not my thing.

    I think without Sid as “The Suit”, Ovie’s “Rockstar” would not be nearly as celebrated as it is.

    Hear, hear!

    Off the ice though, who is he?

    But why does that matter? Are you a hockey fan to read bland magazine articles about the players, or are you a hockey fan to watch the players play the game?

  37. 37 Phil May 6, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    Pookie, I can see where you’re coming from, but I personally like to see the human interest stories. Reading about Chara climbing Kilimanjaro during one of his Right To Play visits to Africa, that terminally-ill CBJ fan who got to lurk in the background during the playoffs and had a great chat with Babcock (RIP, btw), and seeing OV riding around on Segways in DC squealing “Let’s go Caps” is super fun.

    I would really like to see Crosby do some off-ice personality stuff, because I am curious what kind of dude he is off the ice.

  38. 38 Pookie May 6, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    Phil, I’m all about human interest stories, too, but I get annoyed when people dismiss Sid because he’s “boring”. Jerome Iginla and Joe Sakic are both guys who are lionized for being no more interesting than Sid is.

  39. 39 Patty (in Dallas) May 6, 2009 at 7:56 pm

    I HATE, HATE, HATEHATEHATE being pitched to, given the hard sell.

    So do I. That’s one of the things I don’t like about Ovechkin.

    He’s never been underhyped, that’s for sure. I heard his name for the first time on the same day I heard Sidney Crosby’s name for the first time.

  40. 40 Phil May 6, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    Pookie, I agree that Sakic is pretty boring, but do you know much about Iginla? I’d say he’s pretty interesting.

    I hope this OV v Crosby debate never dies

  41. 41 Heather B. May 6, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    Well, I’m certainly not blaming Sid for being bland, but the persona that surrounds him is exactly why he bores me.

    Matt, I cannot make any sense of this sentence. You’re not blaming Sid for being bland BUT he’s boring? That seems contradictory.

  42. 42 Frisbee May 6, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    Well this game is NOT boring. I’ve had about 4 heart attacks since OT began.

  43. 43 Phil May 6, 2009 at 9:21 pm

    That game sucked. Effin Pens

  44. 44 danielleia May 7, 2009 at 10:51 am

    HAHA at #4! I love that because one time at the dentist I completely spit water onto the floor. I was so shocked and embarrassed at myself but she said, “It happens more than you think… but its usually with little kids.”

  45. 45 Matt May 7, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    Matt, I cannot make any sense of this sentence. You’re not blaming Sid for being bland BUT he’s boring? That seems contradictory.

    What I meant is that I don’t blame him for coming off as boring/bland/vanilla because I don’t think that persona is really him; I think bland is the way he was pressured to appear and an unfortunate side-effect of being so in-demand. Nevertheless, the persona IS boring and I don’t care for it.

  46. 46 Ashley May 8, 2009 at 1:49 am

    I am still sriously laughing my ass off at the spitting water onto the floor.


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