Time To Trade all the Sabres!

Hooray!  The hockey season is FINALLY over, and now we can get down to the delightful task of trading away all of the old sucky Sabres, for NEW sucky Sabres!  WOO!

I read something interesting on Kukla’s Korner today.  John Madden is going to test the market on July 1st.

I want him!

john_madden footballEw, gross!  Not him!…..


…..HIM!  (disclaimer: he’s only slightly less gross than the football John Madden)

Before you get all uppity and, “He’s old! He’s never been that productive!  He’s on the decline!” I say to you, “I know, but gather ’round and listen to me.”

Seven reasons the Sabres should sign John Madden:

1. Have you EVER seen a Sabre look like John Madden looks in that picture?  No.  No, you have not.  Because most of our  players are little wusses.  I like how beat-up John Madden is willing to get, and I like how he’s got a respectable playoff beard- like a man.

2. The Sabres are in desperate need of a leader, and John Madden seems like one of those “I REALLY WANT TO LEAD” eager-beaver types, like Briere was, only with credibility and a cranky disposition.

3. John Madden has won two Cups.  Two.  And a Selke.  I used to poo-poo the idea that Cup experience is all that valuable, but then I watched two seasons of a team with zero Cup winners, coached by a guy with zero Cup wins and I changed my mind.  The Sabres really need SOMEONE around who knows what it takes to win it all.

4. Here’s what Pookie said when I emailed her about him:

I think his leadership could be really good for a team like the Sabres.  He’s a hard-ass and I suspect he has absolutely no qualms about telling younger players to shape up.  I think he’d love to see himself as a Scott Stevens for a rudderless group.

We HAVE a rudderless group here in Buffalo!

5. Here’s the OTHER thing Pookie said:

You know what his biggest strength to you guys would be?  Coach killing.  He’s been a key player on a lot of classic coach killing teams!

Now, I know that most of you don’t want Lindy to be fired, but I feel strongly about this one.  If Lindy comes back next year, and the Sabres are good, and they all start listening to him again, GREAT!  Lindy’s an awesome dude, and super fun to have around, and it would ROCK if the Sabres stopped sucking.  BUT.  If Lindy comes back, and the Sabres still seem disorganized, disinterested, and all around sucky, SOMEONE needs to be fired, and that someone is usually the coach.  One of the things I HATED about last season was that the players seemed to be coach killing, BUT THEY COULDN’T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT.  If coach killing is what we need, John Madden’s got the experience to get it done.

Hopefully we won’t need a coach killer next season, but if I have to watch another season of Derek Roy TRYING to kill Lindy and FAILING, I swear to LINDY RUFF I will lose my effing mind.

5. His nickname is Maddog.  The only dog nickname the Sabres currently have is “Pommerdoodle.”

6. According to the Ookies, John Madden is totally humorless and his interviews are all-dour-all-the-time.  Perfect.  Hopefully he’s like that in practices, and on the team plane, and on the bench, and in the workout room, and in hotel rooms, and EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY.  The Sabres could really use a dour asshole around.  They certainly responded to Chris Drury, didn’t they?

7. I really believe the Sabres HAVE to pick up a grizzled vet, and we could do a WHOLE lot worse than John Madden.  (See: Guerin, Bill)

(Thank you to the Ookies, fabulous Devils fans, who obviously greatly influenced this post.  By “influenced” I pretty much mean “told me all of this stuff, exactly”.)


17 Responses to “Time To Trade all the Sabres!”

  1. 1 Heather B. June 15, 2009 at 2:38 pm

    Heck, some days I’d trade some of the Sabres for the first John Madden pictured.

    It is pretty sad that Roy-Z can’t even kill a coach right, isn’t it?

  2. 2 Katebits June 15, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    The fact that Roy-Z left Lindy maimed, crippled and useless BUT STILL ALIVE, is so incredibly annoying.

  3. 3 Schnookie June 15, 2009 at 3:29 pm

    Honestly, I think the best thing Madden brings to the table at this point in his career is a long and storied tradition of elite-level coach-killing. (I appreciate the “looking tough” argument you make here, but if you take a very close look at that photo of him all bearded and black-eyed, there’s a patch on his sweater with the year on it. That year? Was 2003. That was, like, thousands of days ago. It’s been a while since Devils fans have seen Maddog look that tough.) But dude, Maddog probably starts every day by eating a giant bowl of nails and glass shards. Roy-Z will never know what hit him, let alone Lindy. If Darcy signs Madden, Sabres fans can be certain that Darcy meant to fire Lindy all along, but was just too cowardly to do the deed himself. Madden can be Darcy’s GM-killing gun for hire.

  4. 4 Schnookie June 15, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    “GM-killing”? I meant “coach-killing”. Obviously, John Madden (the hockey guy) knows nothing about how to run a GM out of town. John Madden (the football/video game guy) might, but I have no idea. Maybe that’s worth looking into, if Lindy’s still around after another crappy year?

  5. 5 Katebits June 15, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    I did realize that the photo was from a long time ago, Schnookie, and I decided I don’t care. I’m comparing Madden to the Sabres, here. Madden was 30 when that picture was taken. I will EAT MY CAR if Derek Roy, or Jason Pominville EVER appear on the ice looking like that anytime before their 30th birthdays (or ever). Heh. So, Madden’s a bit slower and softer now, but he still has, somewhere in his body, the physical and emotional memory of being that guy from 2003. Roy-Z will never have even that. :P I’m not sure that the Sabres necessarily need 2003 Madden on the ice, but they definitely need him in the locker room.

  6. 6 Katebits June 15, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    Also, :^::::::::::::::: Okay, if Lindy sticks around through another tenth place finish, I’m going to start advocating for the Sabres to sign John Madden the football guy.

  7. 7 S. Tooth June 15, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    Thomas Vanek tries to act dour and pissy and just kind of comes off like a kid who got a bad Christmas present.
    When Jason Pominville acts dour, he just comes off….confused.
    I don’t think Roy is remotely capable of anything BUT acting faux-confident in everything he does.
    I like the way you think on this one. Madden might be just a tad old though.

  8. 8 Katebits June 15, 2009 at 5:14 pm

    He’s definitely WELL past his prime, S. Tooth. Hopefully he’d come pretty cheap.

  9. 9 Amy June 15, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    I will EAT MY CAR if Derek Roy, or Jason Pominville EVER appear on the ice looking like that anytime before their 30th birthdays (or ever).

    I think the Katebits mobile is safe for awhile. I can’t see Roy or Pommers even getting into a situation that would result in them looking so manly, so battered and so bruised. Goose, yes. Crunchy, yes. Hecht, yes. The others, not so much.

  10. 10 Pookie June 15, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    I will EAT MY CAR if Derek Roy, or Jason Pominville EVER appear on the ice looking like that anytime before their 30th birthdays (or ever).

    :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I think Maddog is just the ticket for the Sabres! I can totally see Pommers using make-up to appear tough and grizzled enough for Maddog’s high standards. Also, I bet Crunchy would be really bemused by him.

  11. 11 Becky June 15, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    “One of the things I HATED about last season was that the players seemed to be coach killing, BUT THEY COULDN’T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT.” – good one :)

    So what if Madden-1 doesn’t know much about hockey – that’s what they have assistants for! I’m actually more enthused about that than Madden-2. He could motivate their dead butts!

  12. 12 NoththeOriginalSam June 15, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    that picture is from the time when I fell quite in love with Maddog. I remember the 2003 playoffs well- oh the days when a team I loved was winning! The conference final between the Sens and the Devils took place on the crappiest day I had had in years and made it a bit better. And of course winning the Cup days before my college graduation… ahh the hockey and life memories are all intertwined.

    But here I am rambling again- I say please go get John Madden, Sabres! He will help you! He is the cranky (yet totally wonderful) old veteran that they need. (and he knows how to play defence- as a forward!!)

    Good call, Katebits. As usual. :)

  13. 13 James June 16, 2009 at 8:15 am

    I like Madden.

    I would just be careful not to give him a contract that ends up being an albatross like the one that Peca got from the Isles and Holik got from the Rangers.

    Madden is an aging 3rd/4th line center with GREAT intangibles.

    The trick is what are those intangibles worth. Especially to a Sabres team that is in a really bad cap situation right now.

    As scary as it may be, the Sabres have the worst cap situation (available cap dollars in 2009-10 per roster opening) than any of the 2008-09 non-playoff teams.

    Only 6 teams have less cap space per opening for next season and the Sabres are sandwiched between the Rangers at #6 and the Flames at #7 when it comes to the “Cap Jail” list.

    If they can get Madden for $2 to $3 million per year for 2 years, then do it. But, if he wants in the $4+ million per year and/or wants a 3 to 5 year deal, then I’d pass.

  14. 14 Morgan June 16, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    I think Madden would help the Sabres with grit and veteran leadership, but James’ point about not overpaying for these qualities is gonna kill the chances of Madden signing with the Sabres or even outside of NJ for that matter. The Devils will gladly sign Madden for 2 years at 2 – 3 mil, if other teams want John Madden they will have to overpay. It sorta works that way for all UFA vets. The Devils were the only ones willing to give Brian Rolston a fourth year to sign him last July, for example.

  15. 15 mcguffers June 16, 2009 at 6:05 pm

    The Ookies are trying to sell us on Maddog so they can take Komisarek for themselves while we’re not paying attention. Sneaky biotches. I’M ON TO YOU TWO!

    Seeing that our toughest player is knick named after a roly poly waddling bird, I do think “Maddog” would give us a bit more street cred.

    Oh and :^::::::::::::::: with the Coach-killing fail

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  1. 1 Our Minds = Blown « The Willful Caboose Trackback on August 10, 2009 at 10:47 pm

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