3 Things

1. It’s Shark Week, you guys!  I don’t celebrate Shark Week because I’m scared of sharks and I don’t like to think about them too much, but a wise man once said, “Live every week like it’s Shark Week,” and I really try to live by that code.  So, even though I think sharks are the scariest thing this side of alien abduction, I’m going to take the shark by the horns, and I’m going to live my life to the fullest.  You should too.

2. The Sabres signed some guy named Cory McCormick.  “McCormick” makes me think of spices, so I’m anticipating a lot of spice-related nicknames for him next year.  You can expect my game diaries to say things like, “Oooh Pumpkin Pie Spice just punched Avery right in the face.  He’s a delightful blend of sweet and spicy today,”  or, “Dude.  McCormick is such a disgusting pile of dill weed.  I miss Andrew Peters.”

3. You may recall about a year and a half ago when I trumpeted the exciting news that, “I’M HOUSE HUNTING!”  You may also recall that I never mentioned it again.  This is because I took my sweet, sweet time with my house hunt.

Fast forward many months, and I’m now in the beginning stages of buying a house.  I put my offer in, it was accepted, and now we’re in the hideous phase of trying to iron out all the details.  I still have a looooong way to go before closing, so I’m trying not to get too invested, but after a really rocky start there seems to be some progress in the negotiations.  So…yay.

I’ve never owned a house before, and I’ve never been very house oriented, so this is all new and terrifying territory.  My anxiety over buying a house seems to be manifesting itself in the form of late-night fretting.  I lay awake every night, mentally listing the MILLIONS (trillions?) of projects this house contains (it’s a fixer-upper), and the BAZILLIONS of dollars worth of items I will be required to purchase.

My worrying habits are not very rational.  I mean, I’ve spent almost zero time worrying about interest rates or monthly payments.  No, I choose to dwell on the truly inconsequential.  Two nights ago I lost many hours of sleep because I had this running commentary going on in my head:

“Ugh.  I have to buy so many things.  I wonder how much a lawn mower costs.  Should I even kid myself by pretending I’m willing to use a push mower, or should I just go directly for the electric mower?  Shit.  I don’t have a ladder.  What kind of 34-year-old person doesn’t own a ladder. I can’t do this.  I can’t buy a house.  WHAT WAS I THINKING?  FUCK.  I wonder if it’s too late to get out of this.  How much does a ladder cost?  A hundred bucks?  TWO hundred bucks?  OMG, WHAT IF I CAN’T AFFORD A LADDER.  This is terrible.  Kate, you’ve REALLY DONE IT THIS TIME.  BUYING A HOUSE WITHOUT A PLAN TO PURCHASE A LADDER IS BEYOND IRRESPONSIBLE.  I CAN’T BELIEVE I TRICKED A BANK INTO GIVING ME THIS LOAN.  I’m only going to be able to paint the lower six feet of my walls.  HOW WILL HALF-PAINTED WALLS EFFECT THE RESALE VALUE?!  This is TERRIBLE.”

So, this afternoon I did something silly in an effort to feel a little less freaked out.  I always resort to silliness when I’m feeling helpless.  It’s my way of coping, and frankly, it serves me quite well.

Even though I’m at least six weeks away from closing, and there are still many many many details to be negotiated on the sale of the house, and I currently live in a house stocked with every imaginable home improvement tool under the sun…today, I bought a ladder.


I know.   I’m, like, totally grown-up.

You can all sleep easy tonight.  It’s going to be okay.  I’m here to tell you that not only are ladders easily obtained, they are quite affordable.  Mine was $40.


30 Responses to “3 Things”

  1. 1 Matt August 4, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    Uh, not to freak you out or anything, but did you buy that ladder from a reputable source? I mean, it seems to be pretty curvy. While that’s awesome in women, not so much for ladders. Or maybe it’s just a funky picture.

  2. 2 Matt August 4, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    Also, way to go! WOOOOOOOOOO!! You and your maybe-house are so freakin’ awesome!

  3. 3 Katebits August 4, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    I bought the ladder from Home Depot, so if it kills me, that’s who you should sue. I think it’s just the picture though. Now that I look at it, the lines of the house look curvy too.

    And thanks, Matt!

  4. 4 sallypants August 4, 2009 at 5:07 pm

    “Oooh Pumpkin Pie Spice just punched Avery right in the face.”

    Bring it on, corianderbutt!

    Also, congrats on the ladder and the house!

  5. 5 mcguffers August 4, 2009 at 5:14 pm

    I haven’t heard anything about Home Depot ladders. It’s just their top stock that kills.


    (“Dill weed” is never not funny.)

  6. 6 Heather B. August 4, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    That is one beautiful ladder, Kate! I feel confident that you’ll sleep restfully tonight!

    It took me 20 minutes or so to read this post because I read the entire IMDB page you linked to. And laughed hysterically the whole time.

  7. 7 "Dave Schultz" August 4, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    Congrats, I just finished the home buying (and moving) this weekend, also in need of a ladder! GOOD LUCK! and remember to breathe.

  8. 8 Matt August 4, 2009 at 6:47 pm

    Bring it on, corianderbutt!


  9. 9 Amy August 4, 2009 at 6:50 pm

    That is a lovely ladder, Kate. Use it in good health. We don’t need you going on the BPO / blogging IR list.

    Just keep in mind that if you ever buy a snowblower, DO NOT be like Joe Sakic and stick your hand in when it’s running. Snowblowers will always win that argument.

  10. 10 Katebits August 4, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    Thanks everyone!

    I assure you, Amy I will NOT be putting my hands in any snowblowers. I will do my best to stay off the IR list. :D

  11. 12 Jon August 4, 2009 at 8:49 pm

    Tracy Jordan is pretty much the wisest of wise men.

  12. 13 Shelby Rose August 4, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    Congrats on the home buying! I very much like the acquisition of the ladder, as well.

  13. 14 Pookie August 4, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    That’s the most beautiful ladder I’ve ever seen! Congratulations on buying such a fine, fine ladder!

  14. 15 Patty (in Dallas) August 4, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    That’s a REALLY nice ladder! I’ve fixed up a whole house (inside only) and I don’t have a ladder that nice. I need one to change the top thingie on my security light because it’s started buzzing loudly. I’m sure my neighbors are hoping I’ll ask to borrow theirs any minute now, so they can get some sleep.

  15. 16 Katebits August 4, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    Dave, AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, that’s pretty much exactly how this feels.

    Thanks again everyone!

  16. 17 Katebits August 4, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    Patty, you should get a ladder! I love mine! :D

  17. 18 Caroline August 5, 2009 at 3:02 am

    Congratulations on your first ladder!

  18. 19 RITBeast August 5, 2009 at 9:12 am

    I’ve lived in my house for 2 years and have yet to buy a ladder…I now have maple trees growing in my gutters. I should probably get on that.

  19. 20 CrotchetyOriginalSam August 5, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    Wait, the ladder is for painting your walls? Indoors? They do make long-handled paint rollers, y’know.

    Also, you totally don’t need a gas-powered mower. I use a push mower, and you’ve seen the size of my backyard. They’re also totally low-maintenance compared with the gas guzzlers.

    (Oh, and, um, woo-hoo. On the homebuying thing.)

  20. 21 Mark B August 5, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    Kate, we can totally relate. After we moved into our house, I had the biggest panic attack: “Dear God – I’ve never fixed anything of substance in my whole life! Why won’t the freaking toilet flush!!?” I know, kind of sad for a man, but living my whole life with mom or at an apartment ruined me.

    But you’ll love having you own place. Congrats!

  21. 22 Jaime August 5, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    My husband only goes with top of the line. Our ladder cost $400! And it’s so heavy it’s barely use-able. No kidding, and he tells me that I waste money on things we’ll never use:)

  22. 23 karen August 5, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    WOOOT to home ownership!! Go you! Before you invest in a lawnmower, you should find out if there are any high schoolers you can pay $20 to mow your lawns. This has never worked out for me (our first neighborhood didn’t have any kids at all until ours hit the scene and this one only has little kids) but I try every time.

  23. 24 pieace August 5, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    now that you have the ladder, make sure you get a hazmat suit, or you will completely RUIN your two-year old


  24. 25 Chris August 5, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    You lost your ladder virginity. And you home virginity!! WOOO.

  25. 26 Ashley August 6, 2009 at 12:32 am

    you are a riot. i totally hear you on the late night ruminating.

  26. 27 Courtney S.F. August 8, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    Sam’s right about the long handled rollers. They are the best, but you still need a ladder to paint the top edge of the wall where it meets the ceiling. Nice work with the ladder!

  27. 28 kar August 9, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    haaa the tracy jordan reference is hilarious. he may be the wisest of wise men.

    and don’t worry, you’re def not alone when it comes to losing sleep over random minor things.

  28. 29 lulu15213 August 12, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    McCormick is kinda a dill weed. At least he was about six or seven years ago…

  1. 1 Swim trunks and flippy floppies | The Goose's Roost Trackback on August 21, 2009 at 6:13 pm

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