Scene: Lindy’s porch. Lindy and Tyler Myers are drinking some frosty beers.
Lindy: Dude, Tyler. Everyone is talking about you. Should we keep you up? Should we send you back to the juniors (where you apparently own the league)? Are you the future of the franchise? WHAT ARE THE SABRES GOING TO DO WITH TYLER MYERS?! It’s kind of redonk.
Tyler Myers: Totally redonk. (looking down at beer in hand) I don’t think I’m old enough to drink, Lindy.
Lindy: Seriously? How old are you?
Tyler Myers: I’m thirteen.
Lindy: YOU’RE THIRTEEN?! FOR THE LOVE OF LINDY RUFF, YOU’RE WAY TOO YOUNG FOR THE NHL!
Tyler Myers: No, no, I’m just kidding. I’m nineteen.
Lindy: Oh….well, that’s not THAT young.
Tyler Myers: That’s what I keep telling everyone!
Lindy: You made some poor choices with the puck on Thursday, kiddo.
Tyler Myers: Well, that’s gonna happen, sir. I’m a dumb nineteen year old. My doctor says my brains haven’t fully grown in yet.
Lindy: Thank goodness, because you’re kind of stupid on the ice….no offense.
Tyler Myers: None taken. My brains are underdeveloped…. but not my arms. I can reach clear across the rink with my stick.
Lindy I saw that. Pretty sweet.
Tyler Myers: Plus, that was just the first preseason game. And Lindy, I think I showed that I’m capable of improving quickly in juniors.
Lindy That’s true, you did.
Tyler Myers: And it’s not like you’d be breaking up The World’s Greatest Blueline in order to give me a shot. These guys kind of suck.
Lindy: (nodding) They sure do.
Tyler Myers: All I ask is that you just let me play for the full preseason and then the 9 NHL games before you decide to banish me to the junior for another year. Just give me a chance. I’m sick of juniors.
Lindy: From what I’ve seen of junior hockey I really don’t blame you.
Tyler Myers: Heather B says I need to “fill out”.
Lindy: Well, Lord knows I love Heather B, and she’s got a good point, but what if we’d kept Crunchy down in the AHL until he filled out? He’d still be there!
Tyler Myers: That guy is crazy skinny.
Lindy: (stroking his yellow goatee while contemplating) You know what? You and Crunchy can share your weight gain protein shakes. You can get one shake with two straws. That would be adorable!
Tyler Myers: And if I still suck after a month, or I refuse to drink my protein shakes, you can STILL SEND ME BACK.
Tyler Myers: (taking a swig from his beer) Beer is delicious.
Lindy: Now, see? You’re SUCH a fast learner, and that beer will fatten you up in NO time. You’re on you way, kid.
Tyler Myers: Thanks, Lindy.
Lindy: BUT, if you still suck in a month, you do have to go back to juniors.
Tyler Myers: No prob.
Lindy: Alrighty then. It’s all settled. And by “all settled” I mean “not settled at all”.
Tyler Myers: Perfect.
Mike Weber: Lindy, there IS another option. You could go the delayed gratification route.
Lindy: Hm. That’s true. It’s funny watching youngsters have to wait for things they desperately want. Especially via hidden camera.
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Tyler Myers: Please don’t do that to me.
Lindy: But it WOULD be fun….