Wear Your Teeth

Now listen up.  The ruggedness of hockey players is one of the things I love most about them.  I love how they’re all messy, and scarred, and overall kind of gross.  Black eyes?  Love ’em.  Stitches?  Hottttttt.

But, I am sorry to say, there is nothing sexy about not having teeth.  Nothing. at. all.


I have many times mused that I LOVE the Sabres for managing to keep their teeth, or at the very least, wearing their dentures at all times.  (I can hear some of you screeching at home, “THEY’RE SOFT!  The Sabres have all of their teeth because they’re PANSIES and THEY NEVER HIT ANYONE!”  Now, calm down, you people.  This may be true- the Sabres ARE soft- but it’s beside the point in this case.)  I don’t know if all the Sabres just happen to have all have their teeth, or if at some point Darcy Regier was like, “Look, you little jerks.  If you can’t be good at hockey, you have to at LEAST be attractive.  Wear your dentures at all times or you’re fired,” and I don’t care.  All I know is that I like my Sabres with teeth, and until recently, they were able to satisfy my tooth needs.

Tim Kennedy, congratulations on making the team.  I’m super excited about you.  Please buy a new tooth.


15 Responses to “Wear Your Teeth”

  1. 1 katie October 1, 2009 at 5:14 pm

    omg i know. i cringed when he opened his mouth! i might have screamed ‘GIVE ME BACK TYLER MYERS’ PRETTY FACE’ lol

  2. 2 Shelby Rose October 1, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    I feel so bad because that high stick in the face REALLY screwed up all of his teeth. I don’t even think he’s missing one there, the one is just pushed over to the side A LOT.

  3. 3 Anne October 1, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    I totally agree. There are many things about a person’s appearance I can forgive but a severe tooth shortage is not one of them. Some of my most beloved players are missing several teeth and I can’t get over it when they don’t have them in. Lots of them view it as a badge of honor. Those men are also probably single.

  4. 4 Caroline October 1, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    He kind of had messed up teeth even before the high sticking incident too…having wonky teeth just must be his calling. But I don’t know…there’s something about Nathan Paetsch’s missing tooth that I find oddly endearing.

  5. 5 Amy October 1, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    The only Sabre that should be snaggletoothed at all times is Sabretooth.

  6. 6 Erin October 1, 2009 at 9:51 pm

    He looks about 100 years old here.

  7. 7 Tom October 1, 2009 at 11:17 pm

    Actually Kate, hockey players don’t ever get teeth fixed, dentures, etc etc until they retire because of the possibility of losing more. It’s a long standing tradition.

  8. 8 Schnookie October 2, 2009 at 8:39 am

    Plenty of hockey players get their teeth replaced! And they should. Man, I remember back when Zach Parise went what seemed like MONTHS to get his broken teeth fixed. We couldn’t figure out whether he thought it made him look tough, but it was such a relief when he finally got the new ones put in. *Shudder* Toothlessness is so not cool. I hope it doesn’t spread in the Sabres dressing room now like the flu or something!

  9. 9 Katebits October 2, 2009 at 8:53 am

    Yeah, and even if Tim Kennedy was the first player in the history of the earth to get his tooth fixed, and he was totally breaking tradition to do it, he should STILL get it fixed. That is a TERRIBLE tradition. Toothlessness is WHACK.

  10. 10 Pookie October 2, 2009 at 9:59 am

    Toothlessness is WHACK.

    Amen to that! We need to do PSAs for hockey players to convince them of this.

  11. 11 Mark B. October 2, 2009 at 10:47 am

    This is the kind of thing I usually don’t make a big deal about, but this is extreme and I noticed it in his first training camp interview. He’s always come across to me as a little dorky and this look just amplifies it. Get a new tooth, Tim!

    Really thrilled he made the team, though.

  12. 12 danielleia October 2, 2009 at 11:10 am

    Darcy probably skips on the dental insurance. You must cut your costs somewhere!

  13. 13 Reigning Frog October 2, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    Well said, Kate. Well said.

  14. 14 Amy October 2, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    I saw Montador on the news tonight and he didn’t appear to be wearing his dentures, either. Only his gap wasn’t so bothersome, as it was on his upper jaw.

  15. 15 Courtney S.F. October 3, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    This may seem like a silly question, but why don’t they wear protective gear so that they keep all of their teeth?

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