Look, I don’t have time to watch and post about every single game that you play. I also don’t have the emotional energy to throw myself into a complete tizzy when you look like ass for a few games.
If this is going to work, I need to know I can trust you to keep it together when my non-hockey watching family is in town to help me get my house under control. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m touched that you can only win when I am paying full attention to your games, but it’s too much pressure. The walls of my house may be increasingly attractive, and the floors may be decreasingly covered in hideous shag carpeting, but there you are, trying to clog my toilets with your craptastic play. STOP IT. You CAN do this without me.
This “losing games” thing was bound to happen sooner or later, but I’ve had enough now. Do you know who you have to play tonight? Do you? That’s right, the SENATORS. I don’t believe I’ve EVER seen you beat the Senators. Ev. er. You ALWAYS lose to the Senators even though by every reasonable method of measuring such things, you are the better team.
So, how about this?- While I’m playing my concert tonight, you go beat the Senators. Do it with ease. Beating the Senators seems incredibly easy for every other team in the league, but for some reason it’s the hardest thing in the world for you. Go do it. We’ll all feel so much better if you do.
PS: Private to Drew Stafford: I’m sorry that you are out with a lower body hotjury. Hurry back soon.